I know how fun it is to reminisce about how we all got started on this path and about the first time we finally dressed up, but thought it might be interesting to post just brief clips of our evolution. Here's mine, those moments that stand out...
Age 8: Alone in my mother's bathroom, her lipstick seemed of incredible interest. Couldn't help but to try it on.
Age 10: Watched the movie Psycho and for the first heard the word "transvestite." I was amazed that there was a term for a man dressing as a woman. Such a thing existed!
Age 11: Maryann got hit on the head and thought she was Ginger. With considerable makeup, she become a glamour queen. I was inspired!
Age 13: Hid underneath my sister's bed and watched her get dressed for a date; began to wonder why I couldn't have such fun.
Age 14: On my sister's 16th BD which was celebrated at the Disneyland Hotel, I first dressed, taking my mother's bathing suit and makeup as if they were my own. I was both on fire and insanely terrified.
Age 16: Having calmed myself down, I adjusted to my private life as a girl. On one wonderful Sunday when all were away, I finally dressed as completely as possible.... full makeup, hosiery, stuffed bra, and this incredible red-flowered dress of my mother's. With long blonde hair, I felt as beautiful as any girl I'd ever seen.
Age 18: Living with a girlfriend, I dressed in her things at every opportunity. How she never caught me, I haven't a clue.
College years: Living for the most part with roommates, I dared only to dress when visiting my home... which so often occurred when no one was there.''
My twenties: Finally had my own place and for the first time began to get my own things, mostly through mail-order, but shoplifted a lot of makeup (too embarrassed to go through the checkout stand with any of it). Built-up quite a wardrobe or two, but often purged... vowing to never do such craziness again.
My thirties: Had enough of the denials and finally started to accept my femme self. With the new "internet" discovered a world of like-mined folks just like myself. Unbelievably, I could order anything I wanted. At the tail end, ordered my first breast forms...
And beyond: Nowadays it's a rare weekend when I'm not Robyn, shaved from head to toe... Breast forms are attached, thank you very much, and with each day I'm discovering so much about myself and so love the woman I'm able to become, albeit still in the privacy of my own home.
fin
Your story?
Robyn
Last edited by RobynLane on Sun Mar 22, 2009 3:39 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Lovely story dear. I discovered the joys of women's cosmetics at the age of 12. When Mom was out of the house I would go into the bathroom, lock the door and put on foundation, eyeshadow and of course coat my lips with ruby red lipstick. Is wasn't hard for Mom to figure out who was pl, helped aying with her makeup. She was very understanding- she turned me into a girl, went as Alice in Wonderland, fo Halloween. I loved it!!
Just starting to explore my feminine nature- am very shy meek and demure. Addicted to looking and acting ladylike. Still have so many questions about exactly who I am- have so many mixed emotions about my gender issues.
Hi Robyn--
I like it! Interesting format. I'll try to keep it brief.
Age 12 and three-quarters--Hormones hit, seemingly overnight, and girlself comes out simultaneously.
15--Mother, Dad, and myself in restaurant. Mother says, "Oh look, Wayne, his eyebrows are getting darker." Boy realizes he didn't take off eyebrow shading. Boy is very embarrassed.
15--Boy tries to explain to friend why he has lipstick on. Not very successful, but friend 'buys' the explanation. Boy seems very forgetful about these things.
18--Girl goes into hibernation during college career. Does not really come out of it for a long time.
23--Halloween as a girl. Terrible "costume," done at last minute, with help from woman friend. No wig, shoes, or dress. We say that people are suspicious if a CD looks too good at Halloween? Well, let's just say that this was so horrible that no one would have EVER suspected. It wasn't much fun.
26--A pair of cotton panties gets left on the table at the laundromat. I take them home, and immediately see that this is like getting into drugs—there’s no doing “just a little.” I trash the panties.
28—Living with a girlfriend for the first time. I’m home alone, and there’s her bra on the floor. There’s a strong temptation. I take the high road, and don’t ‘borrow’ her clothes, but I also wonder what’s going on with this. Why should I want to CD, if I’ve got a girlfriend in my life?
Blurry shot of calendar pages going by—girlfriends come and go, but none ever suggest ‘dressing up,’ even though I tell them that I once did CDing.
30—Role-play switching genders with then-girlfriend. Neither of us talk about it; we just do it. Mind-blowing to both of us, though.
43—Gender-switching begins to occur with girlfriend from this time period. Again, neither of us ever talk about it; it just “happens.” Both of us seem to get a lot out of it.
45—Suddenly walk into a store and inquire about Danskins—get the idea that I might start performing as a woman. Negative response from clerk. I seemingly don’t think about the idea again for the next four years. Did I even really do this?
48—Buy a green silk Asian jacket for on-stage. Never end up wearing it; it somehow seems like ‘not enough,’ and I don't even want to think about what would be 'enough.'
49—Girl within wakes up; she’s now a woman, and she wants out.
Much gnashing of teeth and tearing of hair about this, for a month or so. Then I accept it, and begin planning how “she” is going to be able to do this.
49 and eleven/twelveths—Anita takes her first wobbly high-heeled steps into the world.
Age 2 (don't remember this, but remember hearing about it) - I make it known to Mom that I want a little baby stroller to play with. Mom thinks it's sweet, Dad thinks it's time to slam a door before it gets too far open. Dad wins. No stroller.
Age 5 - on a Saturday morning, I sneak into the attic where Mom has some clothes hanging up on an old dress rack. One of the items hanging up is a beautiful black crinoline. Without knowing why, I try it on. What I really want to try is her high heels, just like when the girls in the neighborhood play dress-up and clomp around in their Mommy's heels.
Age 6 - while playing with the girl who lives across the street, we get into a spat. She pushes me and I hit her. Mom immediately punishes me, and when I try to explain, "But Patty pushed me..." she cuts me off with, "She's a girl. You never hit a girl!" For the first time, I have a strong indication from an adult that there is something very special about girls.
Age 8 - on Thanksgiving at Grandma's, I and my cousins all take our shoes off playing around after dinner. When I think no one is looking, I try slipping my foot into my cousin's mary janes (which, unfortunately, are too small). Her younger brother sees this and yells that I'm a girl. Grandpa, who did not see me try the shoe on, tells him rather sternly to stop being so silly.
Age 10 - Mom gets a job, which means the house is empty when I come home from school. I try on her high heels at last. I also start experimenting with panties and bras. I keep everything brief (pun intended) because I still never know when my father will come home.
Age 11/12 - Dad starts attending AA meetings on Thursday nights while Mom goes to Al-Anon the same nights, leaving me alone for entire evenings. For the first time, I discover stockings and am enthralled. Mom's shoes are still too big, but not by much, and I start trying entire outfits.
Age 13 - We move to a new neighborhood, and with no friends, I have the whole apartment to myself for the entire day, every day. Best of all, Mom's clothes and shoes now fit! Suddenly, I find my dressing coming to a climax (ahem).
Age 14 - On a Sunday, Mom and Dad go out. Shortly after they leave, I get nice and dressed. Dad comes back to get something, walking in on me. He stays calm and tells me he understands, that these things sometimes happen, and that as long as I promise never to do such a disgusting thing again, he will let it go. I agree (hey, I was only 14). A few months later, I get caught again, and this time he totally humiliates me in front of my mother. I vow never to dress again, but break the vow at the next opportunity.
Age 17 - my first really serious gf and I begin to push some boundaries. I tell her about my dressing, and she understands. One night in her room, she even nudges her penny loafers over to me for me to try, but I chicken out, fearing it will all fall apart. After five months, it does, anyway.
Age 20 - after a minor car accident, I stay over at a friend's house, sleeping in the room of his sister (who is elsewhere at the time). I spend half the night trying on her stuff and in the morning, I put on her panties, bra and pantyhose on under my regular clothes - my first experience "underdressing". They become part of my collection.
Age 21 - I tell my fiance about my dressing, but as if it were all in the past (as I have decided it is going to be - silly me!). She accepts it, considering it part of my gentle nature, which she likes. I even tell her about the time my father caught me and berated me.
Age 24 - Married, and in grad school, while at home studying for finals, I dress for the first time in my wife's clothes. It is 1977, Rosalind Carter is first lady, and dresses are long, flowing and wonderfully graceful. My resolve not to dress crumbles in nanoseconds.
Age 30 - my daughter is born. I vow my dressing days are now over. It sticks for about 10 years, my longest interlude.
Age 44 - After some intermittent dressing, I begin to grow a stash of my own things. My daughter, who is autistic, is in her teen years and life is hellish. I begin to rely on dressing as an escape, and I begin to find references on the internet. I later purge and go into another long stretch without dressing.
Age 51 - After reading a lot of material on the internet about CDing, I decide I have to really allow this side of my personality some freedom. I buy lingerie, shoes, clothes, breastforms and a wig, carefully stashed away in hiding places. I write a femme autobiography. After several months, I find myself becoming almost completely self-absorbed, neglecting my marriage and facing some real issues. I decide that dressing is the problem, and I comduct my most massive purge ever.
Age 52 - my daughter is placed in a community residence not far from our home. She is happy, we are happy, and my wife and I begin to try to find normalcy in our lives for the first time since we were first married.
Age 55 - my in-laws, both in their 90s, become incapable of caring for themselves and my wife and I intervene. The pressures are unbearable, because they have failed to do anything to plan for this. My late summer, I realize I need to dress, because I need Erin back in my life. Working from home allows me to be her more often, and I begin to buy more things for myself. I also find this forum, and make wonderful new friends.
Age 7, saw a girl in my class playing with her crossdressed brother. Wanted to change places with him.
Age 10 wore my first blouse/skirt and first nightie. First time outside crossdressed.
Age 20 My wife shaved my legs, gave me a wig. First time fully dressed with wig and makeup.
Age 21 First time out for a walk in the daylight enfemme.
Age 39 Rode the Subway into DC and went to my Office, enfemme. Used a costume wig my son had. Still had a mustache at the time.
Age 49 Bought a wig online, my wife didn't care for it, so she took me to buy one in person. First time out to a party enfemme and with my wife. Met SharonRose for the first time.
Age 50 Out enfemme in Las Vegas. Got to meet Virgina for the first time in Roanoke. Ears were pierced. Went to a couple of clubs in Richmond enfemme, with my wife, where my wife got to meet Virginia. Told my kids about me. Told my mom.
Age 51 Met SilverLady for the first time at one of the clubs in Richmond.
Age < 4 My teenage sister would dress me. This must have happened several times. I can vaguely remember her dressing me twice, once as a ballerina, and once she told me she was making me look like a pirate, but in reality she just put makeup on me like a woman.
Age < 12 I remember having longings to dress as a girl.
Age 13 'Persuaded' to wear a dress (for comedic effect) for a class play.
Age 14 - 18 If my parents would leave me alone for the night, I would get into my mom's clothes. I never could go all the way - no wig, her shoes would not fit.
Age 21 Told a female friend I like to dress up. She thought it would be fun to dress me. Still could not go all the way, no wig, no shoes that would fit.
Age 22 Dressed as Mrs. Clause for Halloween. Everything but shoes.
Age 24 Told my new wife (during Honeymoon) I had dressed in womens clothes. She blew it off, said it was the past, and I would not do it any more.
Age 27 My wife goes away for the first time. As soon as I can, I put on makeup and try on all of her clothes that will fit. When I see her again, I tell her what I did. First big blowup over crossdressing. We talked for hours. She will not accept it, tells me never to do it again. About a year later I am trying on makeup again in secret.
Age 29 I am under stress, I've lost my job, we have an argument, she is gone for a few hours, so I dress. When she comes back, I'm back to normal, but she senses something. She deduces I had dressed again. Big blowup, she burns the dress I wore. Many many hours of talking. I'm not to do it again. The desire never leaves me, it is always there.
From age 29 - 43 I would not dress completely, but I would still try on my wife's clothes, never makeup. Some time during this time I discover the internet, I am obsessed with crossdressing. My favorite is to read about other peoples beginnings.
Age 43 I scrounge together a few pieces of my wife's makeup to use when I was traveling. After several months, I through it all away.
Age 44 I got laid off while my family is away on Spring Break. I buy for the first time female stuff for myself - a mascara and some foundation. From then till now, I have secretly dressed, and slowly purchased enough to dress completely. I have a very nice wig, 2 ok dresses, a couple blouses, a skirt, 2 bras, a pair of pants, 2 pairs of pumps, a tummy shaper, several pairs of nylons, and more makeup than my wife (lipstick is my favorite female item).
Where do I go from here? If I could I would stop. How long can I keep it secret?
5 Years old = I wore a leotard and tights as part of a homemade Kermit the Frog costume.
11 Years old or so = I found my sisters bodysuit in a closet and had the sudden urge to try it on. I slept in it later that week and got it back in the closet with her never knowing. I also put on her one piece swimsuit when I found it.
14 Years old = I met my younger sisters and my father. My first time at their house I found the bodysuit that the older of my younger sisters bodysuit that she was wearing when we met. There was a few times before I took it home. At this time is when I started to find ways to buy my own bodysuits.
20's = started to switch from mens underwear to panties.
25 Years old = bought my first pair of woman's jeans and stopped buying men's jeans.
28 Years old = Came out to my friends and family (sans my younger sisters) as a cross-dresser via a My Space blog.
30 Years old = sent my younger sisters a letter telling them I am a cross-dresser.
Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons. As you are crunchy and good with chocolate!
age 3 or 4. wathing my mom get dressed (fairly routine) I am struck by how the ritual of putting her bra on backwards, turning it around, putting her breasts into it, and then pulling the straps up is really very complicated and interesting. Not like anything I do when I get dressed.
age 7 more or less my mom hugging me goodnight is an incredible sexual turn on. I try to hug her longer and notice how wonderful her silk top feels.
age 8 Playing hide and seek. I hide in my parents closet. I've done this many times. But this time unlike other times, I notice her dresses hanging on the hangers. I stand up inside one. It's an incredible sexual thrill. I also know this is not something to let anyone know about. I do it again, stealthily while the rest of the family is in the kitchen 30 feet away. She asks what am I doing in her room and I make something up.
age 8 to puberty. whenever I have a chance I stay home alone and play dress up. Also get sneaky at the relatives homes.
puberty. playing dress up is replaced by Playboys. Of course I like the pictures featuring lingerie the most. My mom slits her wrists while she is drunk and I have to comfort her on the way to the hospital. My feelings towards her and her clothes undergo a drastic change. Most of the time......
age 18 wake up one morning with only my sister at home, still drunk from the night before, wearing nothing but black slip and no memory of how this happened. I figure out that it's my mothers. How disappointing....
age 21 true love for the first time. I lose interest in dressing again for a bit, wanting to be totally genuine about everything and above such things, then develop a liking for my girlfriends lingerie. I tell her about playing dress up with my moms clothing but not about hers. One Halloween she dresses me up in her nursing student uniform. I pretend to be slightly reluctant.
Age 23 to 50
Occaisionally I try on available clothing. My favorite playboys and penthouses always have women in lingerie. I get married (true love for the 2nd time). I wear my wifes stuff occaisionally. It's still very sexual. I tell her some and she seems uncomfortable so I don't tell her more. There isn't much more to tell anyway.
age 50 I go to the grocery store and they have new automated checkout things. I realize I could buy a pair of pantihose and no one would know (I've been buying tampons for my wife for years. What's the "no one will know" about?) I buy a pair while the family is away on vacation. A week later they are full of runs and the family is back. I toss them and I'm glad it's over.
About this time I go back to therapy because of trouble dealing with the fact that the cute 8 year old who thought daddy was wonderful is now 14 and can't seem to stand me. Or because I have a terrible temper and don't handle teenyboppers well. Or something like that. I stay even after daughter and I start to get along very well again for other reasons. I have lots of long interesting and enjoyable conversations with the therapist about this. He has some very interesting perspectives but sometimes finds me a bit confusing, different from his other crossdressing patients. I like to think he is learning something from me.
A year later I'm in Walmart and there is a nice bustier. I realize I can buy it and pass it off as a gift. I take it home. It's not very comfortable. So I buy another one. Soon I have a wardrobe.
Not long after that I read My Husband Betty. They list this website. I visit and decide I like it here.
Age 51 I start to write a book about my female alter ego. After a few pages it turns into something very different. Eventually it's a couple of hundred pages long. I publish it and my wife reads it, saying there is nothing in it she didn't know about me even though it is fiction. I'm very touched by this. I tell no one the real genesis of the novel.
Age 55 I make jokes from time to time about gender and crossdressing. Sometimes people wonder at just how much I know about certain things. I dress on Halloween. When I'm home alone I often wear a dress or skirt and top. Most of the sexual thrill (not all of it) is gone. I have gone from shopping is scary to shopping is exciting to shopping is boring. Walks in the woods at night in a dress are fun. Weeding the garden or hanging up laundry in a dress feels like meditation. I wonder just how much my wife knows. I join a new 12 step group and think I would be okay telling them about this but maybe not appropriate since subjects like this are not shared at a meeting level in that group and I am wary of trying to make myself be different (teminal uniqueness it's called). I'd love to go to a CDI dinner or something to talk about all this but have no desire to go clubbing or shopping en femme or any of that. Sometimes I think my femme role model is Daisy Moses.
Age 60 who knows?
Absaroka
everything under the sun is in tune
but the sun is eclipsed by the moon
age 3: Package came from European cousins and there was a pleated skirt which I would love to wear
age 5: mother's clothing choices for me were a little on the feminine side eg tights in stead of long johns and a cape instead of a jacket (german influence)
age 6: started figure skating and wishing I could wear those cute outfits. mother's choice of clothing still a little fem.
age 6-10: started to raid mum's underwear drawer
age 10-13: started wearing mum's cloths when home alone. heard first time that you could actually change sex. would lie in bed praying that I would wake up as a girl (still praying)
age 13-18: all male boarding school, cautious not to be caught out. would go to a friend's place on Sundays. they had a pool ant the bathroom had a collection of bathing suits & bikinis that i would try on, dressing when alone at home in the summer. bought my first pair of knickers (mum found the stash eventually and asked me about it)
age 19-27:First girl friend, convinced her to let me wear her pantyhose while in bed with her. Uni & Nursing school, and Army dressing pattern continues deep in the closet. I even had a moo to hide the truth from myself.
age 27-31: Middle east and US When i was in the US I actually had my own apartment but never had the guts to buy my own wardrobe (missed opportunity). met married and divorced first wife. She had a fantastic collection of lingerie I think she suspected my desires. the break up was not over CD
age 31: moved to Aussie own apartment started buying and purging had a GF that I confessed to and she was supportive I was too chicken to pursue the opertunity to get counseling and maybe progress to changing gender.
age 33: met my wife purged all but the knickers as they were non discript but she twigged that they were not boy ones. I wish I had come clean with her then.
age 33-43 Present: varying degrees of letting my fem side out. Collected a small cache of cloths and makeup. I shave my leggs and chest and my breasts have developed to a 14B without drugs. I have been out dressed on 2 occasions both when I have been away on business. THe first time was to a gay hangout it was safe but not for me I behaved. the second was a course that was a theme party and our group was medieval and I went as a peasant girl and I did the make up foundation garments and chicken fillets and the wig really worked. it felt right and I unconsciously adopted female mannerisms. It was a great night.
When I see a female I study her movements her dress sense I just want to be her. I don't know what the future will hold for me. Having a family and not wanting to hurt them is the only thing really holding me back from dressing more around the house.
This is a bit longer than I thought it would be. Thanks for listening.
My evolution was as follows:
Age 7 My Mom shows me how to paint my finger nails.
Age 8 Wore panties to school a few times.
Age 12 Skipped school to wear Mom's panties. 3 or 4 pairs at a time . Loved the feel of nylon sliding on my skin.
Age 15 Started sleeping in Mom's underwear. I was never caught.
Panty fetish continued on into military service. Never on duty.
Age 24 Married
Age 27 Returned from Vietnam. Wearing panties again with wife's knowledge.
Age 28 Started wearing womens cloths but had to stay in bedroom with door closed.
Age 30 Returned from Vietnam a 2nd time. Developed an interest in Latex and bondage.
Age 37 Away from home for 2 years and was able to build up a wardrobe. I would get dressed and drive home on weekends in fem. It was an 8 hour drive and was the happiest times of my life.
Age 39 Wife no longer approved of dressing up. Mainly because chilren were teenagers.
From here on till age 67 my only chances were when she would take trips out of town altho while I was still working I would wear panties, girdles and pantyhose under my work clothes.
'
