My Beginning

Dalindra · Post by **Dalindra** » Sun Aug 30, 2009 3:33 am

Before I get really started I want to say somthing off this topic.
I just looked because I wasn't really sure. I have been a member for 10 days now. It seems so much longer!

I have never felt so much at home at any time of my life as I do here.
I had to stop just then to dry my eyes but trust me they are tears of joy you are all so wonderfull and I see in all (ok not all) a piece of me and my life. I felt like an outcast in the world like I was different, perhaps a freak and now I feel so much better about myself. Seeing in the news that people are more accepting is not the same as feeling accepted as I finally do here.

Ok on to what I started here for my story as a CD.
I started at 6 by stealing a pair of one of my sisters panties from the general pile my mom did on laundry day. I hid but wore that pair forever and was never caught.
At 8 I asked my sister that is just a year older then me if I could try on a dress she got for a party, she wasn't happy and said she would tell mom. I asked her not to, not sure if she did but mom never said anything but I was sweating for days after.
I didn't try anything for years after that.
Strange as it was it was my sister at age I think 14 (same sister) that asked if I would try on some stuff from a box we had for goodwill "as a haloween cousume" I was exited but kept a straight face and said "well we can see what it looks like" and spent a very exiting few hours doing so.
I didn't go out as a girl for haloween because I didn't have the courage.

It was about then that I started trying on my Mom's stuff, bra's and panties and a girdle. Allmost got caught by my dad at one point. My sister was alot thiner them me so I couldn't try on her stuff.

Next step I was 18 and a girl next door became a good friend. She wasn't interested in me at that time but loved our pool and spa and in that time she left a bra that well didn't fit well but I could get into it! My first bra!!

Well over the next ohh 10 years of my life I managed to pick up a piece here and there such as a lacy blue panty that ended up in my laundry basket at the apartment laundry room (guess it was left in the washer or dryer) that I wore till it fell apart.

Then at 30 I purged for the first and only time. I thought I will never keep a GF if this is a secret I cannot tell them it was like a black cloud on me.

Well it didn't help me keep a GF guess that is just me.

Then the internet became a place you could shop and well that changed alot of things for me. I could buy stuff that was not only new but was my size (had to figure that out and before I did bought stuff that wasn't right and didn't want to try and ship it back) but for the first time a bra and panties that really fit! Next was 2 dresses and then came Ebay.
I bought 3 dresses as a lot from Ebay and they were all back button or zipper and that was soo much fun!

Then I met a girl and we started dating and I was about to purge again but I just couldn't so I hid it all.
The relationship lasted allmost a year but I had to call it quits (was going to say more here but not nessesary in this thread).

I didn't start back CD'ing then other then once in awhile when it became to much not to but the stuff went back into hiding after.

Then I started working for my dad selling stuff on Ebay for him. He had a shop for Coins and stamps and colectables and this was great fore a long time and we became "closer" then at any other time of our lives (there is more on this in a different thread) but is notable here as he bought gold and sold it coins, jewelry etc. He had a big box for GF stuff that he couldn't sell and I got my first rings, earings (non pierced) bracelets etc there.

He passed away and we closed the shop. It was then my mom started to lean on me as the "man of the family" and we started to become very close really for the first time. To this day we do dinner every week and I do the things for her she can no longer do like change lightbulbs etc.

About a year ago I heard for the first time the title Crossdresser and finally saw that I wasn't the only hetro that liked to dress! That was it online I started going wild buying stuff. alot on credit so I now have about $1200 of what I am paying for every month for skirts, tops, under garments etc (really got into shoes 3 months ago).

Well I do alot of my laundry at my mom's house now. Start it when I get there and then we go to dinner.

I finally thought I can do my ladies stuff there she never sees it right?
Well that day I was moving a whole load (my first) of ladies stuff from the washer to the dryer when she said behind me " you aren't cleaning out the dryer filter let me show how" !!

I had a full handfull of very frilly bright stuff in my hands what could I do? I shoved them in the dryer and dutifuly let her show me how to clean the filter. (she did give me a look but it was more wonder then anything else)

We went inside and she said nothing. I decided then to tell her, to come out. after ohh 5 false starts I finally managed to say " mom, I have somthing to tell you" And I did. I started out by saying I am not gay mom I am a crossdresser there is a difference. Before I left she said "Honey, it woulden't matter to me if you were gay I just want you to be happy"

What a weight was liffted with that conversation! I even told her I wanted to get my ears pierced and she even liked that idea and said if I did she would give me some earrings if I wanted them. I had them pierce 2 days later.

Anyways that was ohh 4 months ago and I switch into girl mode every night now when I get off work. and switch to panties only or with a nightgown in winter months and into drab for work (other then panties)

My mom is so great she did give me 5 pairs of earrings and discused makeup with me and actualy set me down at her makeup table and showerd me lipstick, face powder and mascara for my first real try at makeup!.

Then I found this site and I feel I am so at home and just wanted to share my story.

Until now I wouldn't ever have been able to share all this but for the first time in my life I am... Content? not sure that is the right word but best I can come up with.

Sorry for the really long post.

Martina · Post by **Martina** » Sun Aug 30, 2009 5:06 am

I also had a sister but I was never able to bring myself to try on her underware. It was a line I could not cross. The whole family was very protective of her and I felt that if I was discovered it would be viewed much more seriously than simply crossdressing. I also didn't want to, even though she had some beautiful stuff that I would have loved to wear. I used to be so envious when my mom would come back from a shopping trip and show us the things she bought for us. There would be the boring drab grey trousers and y fronts for the boys and the beautiful frocks and frilly panties for the girl. Even her school uniform was pretty. I had no problem wearing her outer clothes. I would often be in one of her frocks and my mothers underware when I had the house to myself.

Post by **DonnaT** » Sun Aug 30, 2009 8:40 am

Your mother sounds a little like mine, Dalindra, with respect to her acceptance.

Dalindra · Post by **Dalindra** » Mon Aug 31, 2009 1:29 am

I am glad your mom is as great about it.

I was so afraid to tell her then so so glad I did

Anita · Post by **Anita** » Mon Aug 31, 2009 2:44 am

Hi Dalindra--
I'm glad you were able to tell your mother. It's also good to hear that you're benefiting from the feeling of community that we have here.

My mother was gone by the time I found out about my femme self, but I did tell my dad, and he was OK with it.