My first time from the UK

Ellie B · Post by **Ellie B** » Sun Jan 03, 2010 1:22 pm

Hi everyone,

Ellie here from the Uk, new to the forum and finally expressing and connecting with my crossdressing, after many many years of suppressed desire.

I would like to share my first time.

I was about 5 years old and I remember playing with my sister and she put me in a pair of my Mothers tights(pantyhose to all my US sisters).

My Mother called from the bottom of the stairs, asking what we were doing and I remember lrolling around, aughing and giggling from the top of the stairs.

I remember being compelled from that day to sneak into My Mothers Tights draw and try them on. I felt a funny feeling of excitement every time I did this and the desire and need was born.

From those times I have very much suppressed this side to my personality until now and recently have found it flooding out and needing expression.

I hope that I can share my journey with you and originally wanted to have a profile name of, Being Ellie, which i think sums up where I am right now.

Love to all xx

Ellie.

SilverLady(SO) · Post by **SilverLady(SO)** » Sun Jan 03, 2010 1:45 pm

Hi, Ellie, and welcome to the Forum!

As I have already advised you, your original proposed user name, Being Ellie, was denied as that is not considered a real or real-sounding name, which is now a requirement at this forum. Even though Being Ellie "sums up where (you are) right now", the user name of 'Ellie B' is a very nice compromise.

We look forward to your continued participation.

- SL

Virginia · Post by **Virginia** » Sun Jan 03, 2010 8:40 pm

HI Ellie,

We love sharing with our sisters from across the pond!!!

As you are probably already aware, your introduction and suppression is not out of the main stream of how a lot of us started but we all had to start somewhere and it is also a truism that it seems as we get older the ability or desire to repress this "gift" either gets weaker or the desire(s) get stronger or both.

Anyway, welcome and we look forward to your sharing with us!

Virginia

Rony · Post by **Rony** » Mon Jan 04, 2010 6:10 am

Ellie B
I supressed my desire thru 20 plus years with the military, could not risk being found out.
I've since gone on to another career, Now I find as I get older and approach my retirement and won't be able to travel and meet my needs, which are growing stronger, fear this forum will be my sole outlet.
I didn't concider my own mortality until I walked into a hospital for a routine procedure and came out with nine Stents and a hand full of pills I'll take for the rest of my life.
I wish I would have known this would never go away when I got married (42 plus years ago) I MIGHT have been able to tell my SO then. I know now I can never tell as I believe she will never except or understand.
I've rambled enough, Ellie have a good life.

Ronnie

Ellie B · Post by **Ellie B** » Mon Jan 04, 2010 1:03 pm

Hi thanks everyone for the welcome and support.

Ellie xx

Absaroka · Post by **Absaroka** » Fri Jan 08, 2010 8:42 am

Hi Ellie,

Welcome. Any thoughts on why it re emerged now as opposed to any other time?

Zari

Ellie B · Post by **Ellie B** » Fri Jan 08, 2010 5:02 pm

Absaroka wrote:Hi Ellie,

Welcome. Any thoughts on why it re emerged now as opposed to any other time?

Zari

Thanks for the question.

Ellie has been knocking on the door all my life. I have dressed partly on and off and spent lots of time looking with envy at all the lovely clothes that women can wear and wanting to wear them myself.
However.
being brought up a catholic has given me amazing self control and I have been able to control and supress the desire. In a way ignoring Ellie as she tapped on my shoulder.

I decided a few weeks ago having reached a milestone with regard to my age. That along with a few other elements to my life. I have given Ellie permission to express herself. Largely to see and explore how much of the desire is real and how far It will take me.

I have been amazed at what is coming out.

Ellie is very much a real part of my personality with wants and needs.

She is very girly and demonstates lots of the usual likes and traits of a traditional "real" female. eg Wanting to experiment with make-up and clothes and wanting to feel sexy and attractive in a feminine way.

She wants to enjoy the softness and feel of female clothes against her skin and embrass the way they make her feel.

The one thing I am having to now supress while i go through this period is fear.

The fear of being discovered and having it used against me.

The fear of loosing the masculine me.

The fear of being seen an odd and crazy pervert.

The fear of having to hide it from someone I love and them not accepting me as who i am.

and in a way the fear of having to supress Ellie again.

Life would be so less complicated if i did not have this desire. but you know. I quite enjoy it. Without it I would not get to experience the joy of both the masculine world and the feminine one.

So in the meantime.

Ellie will be around for a while

Ellie x x