When did it begin?

[Carla Michelle]

As a child I was in my mothers clothes every chance I got. I don't even remember when I started, as early as I can remember I was dressing when ever I could. These times, early on, were when I was alone because if I got caught... boy was I ever in trouble. And I got caught a lot growing up. At 15 I was caught again and my parents placed me in a treatment program. I let them think I was "cured" and things have been fine with my parents since. I would still dress up but only when I was absolutely sure that I would not get caught.

When I moved out on my own I would dress up at home once in a blue moon. Then I found our local gay bars. I dated a couple of Drag Queens, and I use that term most respectfully, But I was only with them so they could dress me up. That didn't happen much though. Then I was married for a few years and trying really hard to be the masculine man that everybody thought I was.

One night, when I could hardly bear it any more, I confessed to my wife. Well, partly confessed. I told her that if she were to come home and see a strange pair of panties to not think I had cheated on her but that they were mine. That I liked to wear panties and lingerie. She was very supportive and we even went out one halloween night with me dressed in a very sexy french maids outfit. That night is burned into my brain and I re-visit that memory often. To this day my now ex-wife is the only person that I am still in contact with that knows a small part of my secret. And still I have a problem being honest about how I feel. Even with myself. To the point where I've lied so much that I'm not even sure what's true any more.

Finding this place and reading so many stories has stirred up some rather painful memories but has also given me hope. Which brings me back to the topic: Your beginnings. I guess I am at the beginning now, the beginning of discovering who I really am and who I want to be. It is scary and exciting at the same time.

[DonnaT]

I reckon all the trouble you got into may may be the basis for having problems being honest. Don't think you are alone in that.

[Carol Ann]

All I can say hon is sorry, my wife know up front before we got married as my loveing mother told her