Small Beginnings

[Toni_Lynn_P]

Here's a bit of where I started.

As a child, even at age 6, I was a quiet, non-aggressive sort of kid. I hated rough-housing with boys and abhored sports. I did, however, enjoy playing with the girls, and doing crafts and reading and listening to music. I was a good kid, and the nun in my Catholic grade school loved me.

At age 7, while in grade 2, something clicking my little head. I could not understand why I had to use the smelly boy's lavatory with those 'things' on the wall. Before long, I was sneaking into the girl washroom whenever I could. Now it wasn't that often but i was nonetheless, doing it

I first wore a pair of panties when I was about 11 or so. They were my sister's. I didn't do it all that often, but as I approached age 13, the frequency increased, from maybe once every few months to once a week. And then at age 13 something happened. Something that to some boys is a curse, but for me it something so very joyful . It was gynecomastia. It was then that I tried on one of my mum's bras. Problem was that just as my sister's panties were too small, my mum's bras were too big. I wanted to be just like the other girls at school. As now, back then, I wanted to wear what ever fit me without extra stuff, like wearing a bra all padded out with rolled up socks etc. In other words, back then I wanted to wear what I would be wearing if I was a girl.

I formulated a plan. I would take my allowance and go to the GC Murphy 5 & 10 cent store in town and buy my own panties.

My school had a half day for the students on 5 February 1970. It was a snowy day. My mum was at the hospital with my grandma. My dad was at work. I was walking home. I vividly remember the events at 1PM as I entered the store, G C Murphy's 5 and 10, on that snowy day. My plan was to simply buy my own panties instead of always wearing ones belonging to my sister. The store was L shaped and wrapped around the a big building. It had hardwood floors and wooden sales displays. School house style light fixtures hung from the ceiling. At each of the entrances there were two cash registers. There was a basement where they sold housewares, hardware, and boys and men's clothes. That was not where I wanted to be, down in the cold below-ground world, for on the street level floor you had the school supplies, the candy counter, and phonograph records, and in the corner of that L, the girls department. I had around $3.50 to spend and figured that I could probably buy 3 pair of panties. I had measured myself for size using the J C Penney catalog as a guide. Life was so different then, and one could buy panties for 79 cents a pair! The panties were all arranged in little sections in the wooden display case, with glass dividers separating the sizes.

I picked 3 pair of panties and started to head to the cash counter, very much like a kid in a candy store I was in overload mode.

When I saw the trainings bras though, I knew exactly want I wanted. The training bras where all in a rack at the end of one of the display cases. Before I knew it I had a Teencharm 071 in my hands, and went to the cash register, shaking inside. Fortunately, I did not have to go to cash registers at the entrances. The store was arranged such that at the corner of the L you had stairs that went up to a small accounting office along one wall, a girl's changing room tucked in the corner along the other wall, and a cash register next to the changing booth. The woman took my money and never batted an eye. Just as they say of a barking dog, the dog is more scared of you than you are of it, I was more fearful of being found out than she was in finding out. I remember asking if the size I chose would fit 'my sister' because she had a certain waist size. I probably also almost overreacted by having to mumble something with a phony disgusted tone in my voice about not knowing why I had to buy underwear for her. The woman put my bra and panties in a small brown paper bag and I rushed home through the snow to begin my first official day as a girl.

I remember Apollo 14 was landing on the moon as I stood in the bathroom and tried on my training bra and my panties. I held up the box to see if I looked like the girl on the box. I did -- albeit with short hair.Plus -- I was really excited about the way it made my gynecomastia induced boobs look right

I quickly put on my shirt and jeans and went to watch the astronauts on the moon. I wore my training bra all day and even under my pj's that night. I even wore them to school.

Within a month I bought a second, A Teenform Pretty Please. And I bought more panties. Before long I was wearing them almost everyday. That is until my mum found them and made me burn them and then abused me. The abuse was both physical and emotional. It lingers and taints me even to this day some 45 years later. She even tried to use my Catholic faith against me, making me swear the the Blessed Virgin Mary that I would never do it again.

Of course I was back at it -- with new panties and a new training bra -- within a month. And yes -- I still wore them to school.

It is worth noting that I knew nothing of sex at that tender age. The was nothing sexual about my crossdressing. To me it was just a nice fun thing to do. To me, it just felt right. Many was the day when home alone, I just get all dressed up and sit and do nothing more than listen to 45s on my record player. That is how innocent it was. I dream of Suzy Cowsill from the group the Cowsills and me getting all dressed up and sitting listening to records together.

Yet for another's hatred and bigotry, it was made, an I was made dirty with stench that just never seems to wash away.

Years later, thanks to eBay, I was able to replace my first training bras, The Teencharm and the Teenform ones. They are my prized possessions.

Continuing on though, I crossdressed a lot, albeit underdressing much of the time, throughout high-school and college. I got my first garter belt at age 25, and at 26 was one of the founding sisters of a local support group.

All of this was done under a shadow of fear and paranoia .. but in the long run, it all worked out

Hugs

Toni-Lynn

[Ms. Erin]

That's a great life adventure dear Toni-Lynn. I am happy that this is going to be one of your favorite memories, looking back at this special moment for ever. I kind of wish I had a sister but I was alone and raised Christian until age 16. So dressing mom's clothes and even Barbie dolls where of the hook. (although I managed at one time to have one Barbie doll "to go with my GI Joe's")

I am making up for it now though.

Thanks for sharing this sweet story, I enjoyed reading it, actually imagining being there with you at Murphy's.

[TiffanyAnne_Williams]

Great story Toni Lynn

[Requal Jo]

A beautiful start to a rewarding life's expectation, Toni.