My journey

[Aislin]

May be brief but may be more info than you want to know. Read on and see if I strike a cord.

Beginning: Mom and Dad divorced. I found some old college clothes in the basement, Dresses, Panty hose, pantys, and bras, Age about 12. Started dressing with my brothers when mom was gone. Thought we had everything stashed but at 15 mom found it all. PURGED

Trip to a therapist because I could not find a job and was a little weird. Therapist was a little wierder. Too many drugs in too little time. They wanted to put me in a house and shave off my beard. Authority issues with the therapist, he was "Christian" who decided CD was moraly unacceptable. (PRIG) My argument was that women had all the power and that to dress like one implied that you had the power. He did not understand, I could not lower my expectations. Just another idealist not wanting to explore my views.

Lots of drugs and alchol, things that should not be talked about yet. Things that will be on the web site, when it gets going. Things that I believe happened, yet unacknowledged

FLORIDA: Noved to escape 25% unemployment. Turned out the person I went with considered me his property. Broke that notion in me and him.. CD a little in the relation ship. PURGED.

1ST Marriage: Things were good at 23 , my lady was 28. Things got rough with her gambling issues. I expressed my need for a lively sex life. Aislin started to emerge. My wife treated it like a game, which was ok until I tried to dress more. Then she screamed" I want my man back!" Guess this did not work right. PURGED. She died in circumstances we do not have room for. The prayer group would not let her call the ambulance for her heart attack.

Single Again: No CD for a while. No nothing for a while. Lots of self medication. Moved to Spokane because one of my partying ladies wanted to go back home. Got there and she promptly spent the night with an EX! Not having my feet under me, I let it go. life was good for 2 years, started to CD again, met her daughter, making plans for the future. Bet you know whats coming. We would get drunk I would cd and fantasy would run wild. She decided that fantasy with more than one individual not including me would be better. then in the midst of seperating she outed me. PURGED.

REHAB: State paid crazy. 6 months of welffare contingent upon getting and staying sober. 11 years so far. CD discussed in private, learned that it must be a part of the total person. Aislin is acknowledged but not named. collect some Items, go into a secondhand store, check the levi section, purchase a pair of jeans because they are long enough, don't realize untill they get home and I wear them once that they are FEM. The fit really good and are extremely comfortable. Meet a new lady. She is opposed to CD, feeling proud of my self and not learning frompast mistakes I PURGED. ( Really miss those pants) She accuses me of lying "On the Road again".

IDAHO: Meet this lovely lady, my SO, through work. We write letters and make phone calls. about the third letter and after I have met her I confess that I am a CD and I need to know now if that will be a problem. Man did I get lucky. No problem. It's a part of me and she loves me. WOW First christmass Stuff from the Fredricks. Birth days Get a cake and some goofy presents, in private get dresses and slips, and shoes, and ..... The trip to the casino was her Idea. One weekend all FEM no boy clothes at all. Can you say COWABUNGA? I thought you could.

LESSON: For me this is a part of my life to be embraced. Aislin is me, I am Aislin. She is better looking than her Male counterpart. My beard is a shield because guy's with beards do not CD. (WRONG) . Aislin likes to be tall but worries that at 6' 6" barefoot, with heels added she better be more than passible. If I add my 6" boots to the occasion I tend to get undo amounts of attention. At 42 I still have a lot of life left to live. I am extremely happy that Aislin will live them as me.

Wow Talk about cleansing.

Aislin

[Sally]

Hello Aislin,

Wow, that surely was a tortuous past but the great thing is you have emerged saying you have no regrets.

Sometimes what happens in our life along the way may not be all that wonderful at the time but those testing times can go to make us better, stronger and wiser people in the end.

It's not the wrapper which is all important, it's what's inside the package where the true value is and reading through your story several times it seems you have had your fair share of mountains to climb and more than most, but you have survived all the falls and hurdles and now hopefully for you it'll all be blue skies ahead.

My Kindest Regards.

Sally.

[Beauty]

Hi Aislin,

I'm sorry, I didn't see this post until this morning.

That was one of the best recaps of a "CDing life" I think I've heard. The format was EXCELLENT!!!

I'm happy that you posted it too because there are those who are surrounded by people who tell them their dressing "is not right". These people aren't able to adjust to life because they live with part of themselves being denied. It leads to very unhealthy behavior. Hopefully one day, almost everyone who is a CD'r will realize that unless they learn to accept themselves they are indeed denying part of their being.

Aislin, you are a total survivor!! I'm super proud of you and you have my respect BIG TIME!

Thanks again for posting your wonderful beginnings story and I hope to read more about you and from you on the forum!!

Beauty

[Virginia]

Aslin.
Thank you for sharing with us. There is a thread here concerning Jung and the Anima Theory and in it he says if we are able to merge our male and female "selves" we become better people who can do great things! Sounds like you are well on your way, girl!
Love,
Deborah