Upon moving out of home, I existed as a normal young student, not much cash, living in share houses, spending what little money I had on drinking and partying and of course, like most young country guys, my car.
Along the way I ended up pretty serious with a girl. At this time my crossdressing was limited to occasional visits to my mother's room when i was visiting.
At around this time I also discovered the internet and with it a thing called a 'shemale'. This opened a whole new can of worms. I really began to question myself and what I really was or wanted. Gay, transgendered, crossdresser, bisexual? It all seemed so daunting, I was in turmoil below the surface while outwardly a normal, hard drinking
womanising youth. I soon found myself in a share house with two girls. This brought about more problems and a degree of self dispising. Although I didn't feel overly guilty about cross-dressing, i couldn't resist going into the girls rooms and trying on various garments. The fact I was invading others privacy annoyed my no end. Still in continued and for some years, in different houses with different girls it went on.
On a couple of occasions I introduced cross-dressing into the bed room with different girls, by very nonchalantly suggesting we dress up. This was recieved with varying degrees of suprise and acceptance, still I never gained the courage to talk about why. It seemed like such a contrast to everything I was/am.
Sorry if this is so disjointed, it's really a spilling of emotion for me.
I guess the next stage comes with me begining to purchase my own femme ensembles. Again this led to more turmoil, I felt it a waste of money and a risk to my repuatation whould anyone see me. I really began to hate myself and this habit, but still in continued. I soon moved into a place of my own, mainly to remove the temptation of being a snoop! This only led to me spanding more money and time buying and aquiring femme clothing.
I think it's only recently and after much reading and lots of research on the net and especially with the help of this forum that I've begun to come to terms with crossdressing. I realise that there's nothing wrong with what I do. I see it as a hobbey that's only shared by a special few and only frowned upon by narrow bigots. I now allow a little money in my spending budget to support my special hobby and set aside some time to partake in it. I now realize that I'm not gay, nor bisexual and I have no desire to be a woman. I'm still a little unsure on fetism thing, but at the moment just rolling with the punchs.
If no one reads this, not to worry, it's been fantastic just telling someone.
I hope it may inspire a few more of the special people on here to share their experiences.
Thanks.
Very open, very honest. And all the better if this unburdening lets you feel that much lighter (especially if you consider that many, if not most, of us have done the same kind of snooping).
