So just who is Amanda anyway?

[Amanda Louise]

So just who is Amanda anyway?

That's a very good question. I guess the best answer at the moment is - I'm not 100% sure yet, but I'm learning a lot about her and very quickly too. One thing I do know for sure is that she's a very lucky girl. Here's her tale -

Steve and the maid outfit

Back in May 2004 there was a very happily married middle-aged, overweight, balding, unshaven guy called Steve. He and his wife, C, decided it would be fun to buy C a maids outfit and a nurses outfit. They were right, but not just in the way they were expecting, there was an added bonus - now called Amanda!

So one day (early June) Steve is at home while C is at work. For some reason Championship Manager doesn't grab his full attention and he's looking for something to keep himself occupied. He finds himself thinking of C's maid outift, and bizarrely decides to try it and see if it fits. It does indeed fit, is quite a turn on, and then he's back to playing Championship Manager ...

That evening when Steve tells C about wearing her maid's outift, C laughs and then "I've got to see you in it. Quick, go put it on". Ta-da, Steve the maid makes his grand entrance and C collapses laughing on the sofa. C finds Steve in the maid's outfit quite a turn on too... and she jokingly suggests "I should buy you a wig to wear with that outfit".

Skirts and a dress

A couple of weeks later Steve finds a bin bag of clothes inside the front door - it's a bag of C's old clothing which she intends donating to a local charity shop. Steve just has to see what's in there - and 'rescues' a couple of pretty tops, two skirts and a dress. He's wearing a skirt and top when C gets home from work. Thankfully she doesn't laugh too much! Though she laughs again when she discovers the bra is 'filled' by balled-up socks.

A couple of evenings of dressing later and Steve realises this isn't a sexual thing any more. He just somehow feels better when dressed. Calmer, more relaxed, it just feels good. C says he seems 'softer' when dressed. Steve says he thinks he's going to continue dressing occasionally. C seems ok with this, but ... "You're not gay are you?", no, "You're not going to get your 'bits' chopped off are you? ", definitely no!

Internet shopping! Steve and C choose a wig and foam breast forms for Steve. An option for "Your femme name?" on the order form. Steve says "Amanda", C wants something more exotic (I forget what exactly) but Steve is adamant "I want to be Randy Mandy!". Which I find rather embarrassing now, to be honest

And so, on June 24th 2004, Amanda was born.

Oh my god WHAT am I doing?

At this stage Steve and Amanda make a conscious decision that they are seperate beings. There's a Steve and an Amanda but not both at once. Now I'm Steve. Now I'm Amanda ...

Now I'm really confused.

Steve thinks - I'm sick, a freak, some kind of weirdo, a pervert. C says no, he's still the same Steve she loves. Amanda is out-voted.

Google to the rescue

Wow! I'm not alone!

So I'm not sick. Nor am I a freak, weirdo or a pervert.

Yes there are other people like me. In fact there seem to be quite a lot of people like me. A lot of nice people, willing to tell their stories and offer advice.

Hey, look! There's me!

Google again, and I'm not only learning about myself, I'm remembering things I'd blanked out years ago.

I'm not only remembering, but begining to understand more fully incidents from my past.

I remember things like mum's pantyhose which somehow made it into my secret stash. 'Borrowing' the babysitter's bra. (I was 12yo with two younger sisters. The babysitter was 17yo ish and the daughter of family friends and sometimes stayed weekends at our house. I didn't need to ransack her house to get my hands on her bra(s) Oh and didn't I rescue my sister's turquoise bikini from being binned?

Then there are the 'ordinary' things I did when younger which seem to now have extra significance. Like growing my nails longer than most males I knew. Oh, and my penchant for painting them silver. Yes, the long ear-rings (it was fashionable, I tell ya). The occasional all-over shaving sessions ...

One, not two

So here I am. Call me Steve. Or Amanda. I don't mind, I'm just the one person and I've been called far worse names than those in my time!

Sometimes, though, even I think there's two of me. (Hey, I'm only a few weeks old - cut me some slack ) Last Friday me'n'C were down the pub with friends A, L and M. A and L are getting married next week so there was lots of talk between L and C about weddings, wedding presents, wedding outfits and such. A and M were talking about football (soccer), but I kept being drawn to the conversation between the GGs about the wedding.

A couple of times I found myself deliberately refraining from making comments which might have sounded too feminine. Like I would give away the game that there is an Amanda! Then I thought - what the hell, it's just me. I'll comment as I want. Which was fine, because (I think) my friends are used to me making comments in my own style.

It's a Steve thing. It's an Amanda thing.

It's just me.

PS

I've been intending to write a 'My Beginnings' for weeks now. I think neither Steve nor Amanda on their own were confident enough to do it. Now I know I'm 'just me', and it's been fun telling you my tale here.

I know I'm a very lucky person to have such a supportive, loving wife as C. I'm lucky to have found this site.

I hope the tale of my beginning was of some interest.

Love and hugs,

Mandy

[Beauty]

Hi there,

That was a fun read!!!

I agree with you. It's just one person. Good for you!!

I think one of the best things you said was, "Cut me some slack I'm a newborn." I think that is VERY important. You'll still have erotic feelings for a while. You'll go from 12 to 17 really quickly.

The more you dress the more you'll age and eventually you will dress to your age and not your desires. Give this lots of time though. I've been dressing at home since I was about 19 so thankfully I did my time (at Victoria's Secret).

Thanks again for that wonderful post. It was not only lots of fun to read, but it was very open and revealing.

Beauty

[Virginia]

Hi Mandy, Isn't it fun finding about ourselves, yes challenging and a bit scary but most journies on our "Magical Mystery Tour" are not the Yellow Brick Road! Fortunately there are your sisters here who have blazed a trail for others to follow and are willing to share their experiences. My sharing will be that you go to the following site and read what Carl Jung has to say on crossdressing. I think you will find it is a really great article:
http://ourworld.compuserve.com/homepage ... /anima.htm
Good luck and let us know how goes your journey!
Deborah

[Rebecca]

Hi Amanda,

I loved your story, written with a sense of humour, which is so important if you have any tough times.
It's great that both you and C have discovered this part of you together, you can both share in the learning process, the bond the both of you have is so important, has she seen this site ?
As you say, newly born, you are likely to feel all sorts of confusing emotions, as will C, over the next while. Keep on reading the beginnings stories and it will all fit into place, it's interesting that we come from all over the world and yet our histories have so many similarities.
Society being what it is, the idea of a bloke in wig, make-up and dress sounds real peculiar, and yet when you really think about it, it shouldn't be a big deal.
It would be great to hear more from you, and your wife, if she would like to.

Wishing you both all the best
Love
Rebecca xxx

[Kristen]

Steve er ahh Mandy ,, Your sense humor is so woderful , laughing at your self is so theraputic. Like Red Skelton used to say, WE might as well laugh at life , we aren'y going to get out of it alive anyway. I throughly enjoy your post thanks for making me see the lighter side of life . I think you're right, you are lucky, your wife sound like a hoot, Keep dressing an posting.......Kristen

[Loretta Ann]

Cathy.

You spoke the words every one wants to here from there mate, to actually live that out that is no small order.

One of the reasons for a fem name on a forum such as this is security. Not every one who visits here is our friend, and I wonder if you guys have considered that when posting his real name? (if Steve is his real name?) Another thing to consider is the possibility that using an alias male identity may cause trouble for some other male with that name who could be mistaken as some one he is not. If you would like to change that you can edit your posts.

Amanda,

Hope your journey here with us on board our boat is helpful.

[Kristen]

Cathy , Can't tell you how happy I am for the two of you!!! Candlelight dinners sound so romantic with just the two of you.. As for the legs, seems like all the so"s complain that their honey's legs are nicer than the GG's ( Genitic Girl's) . mmmm maybe shaved male legs are just sexier to women than GG's legs? I am very jealous of your husband to have such a wonderful spose, and so open to post on this forum, It is very encouraging to see acouple so in love and rpectful of each other feelings. Congratulations on finding your soulmate, be happy ,be healthly and long life!!!!!!!!!!!( Fiddler on the roof)......Kristen

[Rebecca]

Hi Cathy and Steve?/Mandy,

I was just about to say that jealousy will be rife all over the forum for you guys, and Kristen beat me to it.

Your story is truly beautiful, so pleased for both of you, your input here will be so valuable.

Now, I have only one gripe, and that is to Mandy.....

Listen here girl....replace the shaving gel, do you hear, don't go upsetting that gorgious lady of yours....now off you go to the shop.....chop, chop.


Here's to both of you
Love
Rebecca xxx

[Virginia]

As my sisters have said - what a fortunate couple, stay strong and communicate that's the key. As you see various posts you will find many of us are dealing with this "gift" and our familues in a variety of ways. Any input you can provide as to how you both came to grips with it and allowed it to grow and blossum would help.
Thanks,
Deborah

[Amanda Louise]

Firstly, thank you all for the kind words. Much appreciated. Secondly, a big thank you to Cathy for posting here. I didn't think you would post, but I should have guessed knowing your capacity to surprise and delight me.

You'll still have erotic feelings for a while. You'll go from 12 to 17 really quickly.

The more you dress the more you'll age and eventually you will dress to your age and not your desires.

Hi, Beauty! Ok, I'll admit it, I do still get erotic feelings when dressing - especially when putting on some sexy underwear for bedtime with Cathy. (Giggles).

I think I'm now 12 going on 17 going on 44yo, and dressing appropriately. Yesterday we decided to laze about the house all day, recovering from A&L's wedding on the Friday. So after showering and shaving (and using up all the shaving gel!) I got dressed in - matching white satin bra and thong, white sleevless T with blue/pink/red printed/sequinned flower pattern, cream calf-length skirt with pale blue and pink flower pattern, shoulder length blonde wig, pink sparkly ("star kissed") nail varnish, pink sparkly lipstick and mascarra.

(Sadly had to whip most of that off rather quickly when we noticed one of our cats was ill and had to make an emergency visit to the vet. Fingers crossed he's not too bad - vet thinks he's mainly dehydrated from spending too much time lying in the sun, though may also have cat flu. Ah well, we'll find out in an hour or so - hope he enjoyed his night at Vet Hotel. Poor Howie, he was crying so much when we left him there).

Keep on reading the beginnings stories and it will all fit into place, it's interesting that we come from all over the world and yet our histories have so many similarities.

Society being what it is, the idea of a bloke in wig, make-up and dress sounds real peculiar, and yet when you really think about it, it shouldn't be a big deal.

It would be great to hear more from you, and your wife, if she would like to.

Hi Rebecca! I've been reading and reading and reading! I doubt I could have come to terms with who I am so rapidly without all that reading (isn't the Internet wonderful?) even though I have such a supportive, accepting wife. To find that there are so many people like me was fantastic. Finding this site was a joy - to be able to talk about my feelings about crossdressing here is such a relief ... at the moment there's nobody else I can share this with other than Cathy. I have some wonderful friends, but I'm just not sure if they could cope with this! Maybe one day - small steps.

I think you're right, you are lucky, your wife sound like a hoot, Keep dressing an posting.......Kristen

Oh absolutely - I'm very very lucky, I know. Cathy is definitely a hoot (she loved that, by the way). I will definitely keep dressing and posting - dressing is part of me, this site has been a big help in my acceptance of that fact and you are all so friendly. I love it here!

a highlight was me forgetting what other people might think and pointing to something in a lingerie shop quite loudly saying 'that would suit you honey and it's in your size!'

Hi Cathy . A highlight for me was a couple of days after our shopping trip when you bought the same bra/panty sets I had "because they were so pretty". Still brings a big smile to my face when I remember that.

Not every one who visits here is our friend, and I wonder if you guys have considered that when posting his real name? (if Steve is his real name?)

Hi Darlene, and thanks for your concern. We know the Internet is full of sharks and we take precautions ... we have about 30 years IT experience between us, though neither works in IT now. We're not going to let the bad people in ths world spoil our happiness.

As for the legs, seems like all the so"s complain that their honey's legs are nicer than the GG's ( Genitic Girl's) . mmmm maybe shaved male legs are just sexier to women than GG's legs?

I am very jealous of your husband to have such a wonderful spose, and so open to post on this forum

Hi Kristen! I think you're right about the legs. When I look at mine I see these pale sad-looking things all dented and scarred from sporting injuries ... completely different to what Cathy sees! And as for my feet ... yuck!

Yes I know I have a wonderful wife, and I know I'm very lucky. But I too get jealous - of the lucky sisters who can go out into the big bad world dressed. I'm not sure that's something I'll ever do ...

Now, I have only one gripe, and that is to Mandy.....

Listen here girl....replace the shaving gel, do you hear, don't go upsetting that gorgious lady of yours....now off you go to the shop.....chop, chop.

It was an accident I tell ya! That can was nearly empty when I picked it up yesterday morning ... But I will make sure it's replaced at this afternoon's shopping trip!

stay strong and communicate that's the key. As you see various posts you will find many of us are dealing with this "gift" and our familues in a variety of ways. Any input you can provide as to how you both came to grips with it and allowed it to grow and blossum would help

Hi Deborah! Yeah, communication. I think that's been the main reason we've both coped so well with my CDing - open and honest communication.

We've read many others' stories of the struggles they and their families have had in trying (and often failing) to come to terms with CDing, and we most definitely feel for those who haven't been as lucky as us.

As to whether we can offer any input on how we came to terms with my CDing, I'm not sure ... we both (well, I do, anyway) feel we're just lucky, and "it just happened". Maybe just talking about our experiences will help others ... I hope so.

Ah well, must go ring the vet and see how our poor old moggy is doing.

Big hugs to you all!

Mandy

[/i]

[CJ]

D'Oh! Another missed thread! How does this happen?!?!

Anyway, hi all,

Amanda,

That was a great Beginnings post! Like Beauty said, it was a lot of fun to read. Ain't it grand to "rediscover" yourself? With a woman who loves you, by your side, to boot?

I wish you both much happiness and thrills in your exploration of both yourselves and each other.

Love,
CJ

[Kristen]

Amanda and Cathy, How's the Howie doing?????? ...kristen

[Kristen]

Amanda and Cathy .... Thanks for answering so quick, Glad the Howie is doing better, I would milk it too if I were him.. .... Thanks for letting us know....Kristen

[Amanda Louise]

Hello again!

Every day I log on to this site I intend writing an update, but I get side-tracked reading other peoples' stories, or off to an interesting link posted by a sister. Then of course I do get these needs ... like internet window-shopping. (Is there anything new in the sale? Woo-hoo, I have got to get me one of those.) Oops, that's all my free time used up and yet again I haven't posted an update ... or posted anything at all for that matter. Bad girl, Mandy!

Tonight, however, I am a very happy, smiley girl who's feeling especially loved and in love . So rather than tell you more about boring old me I thought I'd share with my friends here my appreciation for that most wonderful person, Cathy(SO), my wife. Especially as I can't (yet) share it with my friends in the 'real' world.

Here's a few of the wonderful things she has done for me in the last couple of months -

Accepting and understanding the fact that I am a crossdresser.
Been supportive and given me cuddles, especially those few times when I was struggling to come to terms with who I am.
Showed me how to apply make-up.
Taken me on the most exciting shopping trip ever (though I was dressed in drab). We bought bras, panties, thongs, suspenders, stockings, tights, camis, skirts, blouses, t-shirts, dress, necklaces, bangles, watch, (pause for breath) make-up bag, mascarra, eye-shadow, lipstick, foundation, blusher, nail varnish ... and ... and .... and doncha just love the summer sales?
Waxed my back. Ouch!
Plucked my eyebrows. Double ouch!
Said "Love you, Mandy"
Said "You look so pretty in that outfit". White fishnet bodystocking and gold chemise. I'm glad you asked
Been a wife and a lover and a friend.

So -

Thank you Cathy
I love you three ... and four ... and five ...


... even if you do prefer me with hairy arms

Hugs from,

Me!

[Kristen]

Mandy, What bettr way to start posting than to acknowledge your one and only. Congratulations on doing the right thing at the right time. It's nice to know that two are in love, and all is good. .......Kristen