My Long Story

[Katie W]

It all started like alot of us, when I was very young. I think I was about 8 or 9 when I first started sneaking into my cousins room when she wasnt there. Trying on her panties, shorts or whatever I could find. I can remember how great it felt and never wanting to take them off. I was always careful to put things back exactly the way I found them because I was so scared of getting caught. I come from a small country town in texas, if I was to ever get caught it would turn my life into horror in more ways then one. All through highschool I never really dressed because I didnt have the money or time to do so but it was always in the back of my mind. You could say up to this point in my life I was blind to the world. I didnt know what the terms shemale, transexual or transgender ment much less anything about this whole different type of community. I thought crossdressing was just something I did and I was weird for doing it. Little did I know a few years outside of highschool I would meet someone who would change my life forever.

Bored with my current construction job and thinking to myself how great it would be to have some secretary job I decided to go to college. This meant ditching my current job and getting a part-time one so I went to work at a major electronic store. This is were I met, lets call him Mark, for the first time. He was my supervisor and one of the nicest people I have met to this day. He was overly open about being gay and was also very eccentric. I will never forget some of the things he use to say like "You know how I like my biskits covered in gravy". There was always some sexual meaning behide it. Always making these little references to various things kept us all laughing and smiling all the time, he was so funny. Over the next year or two we became such good friends we considered each other brothers. Although I had no attraction to him, he was very open about this feelings for me. He took me to by first gay bar and all I remember is how scared I was. We ended up going every weekend with a group of his friends. I must say at first it was a huge culture shock but after time it became more like a second home on the weekends. Its where I saw my first drag show and right then and there I knew I wasnt alone but like all great things it didnt last. After a few years we went or seperate ways, the club closed down and everyone seemed to move on.

I started hanging out with marks best friend, we will call him Patrick, which was also gay. We became very good friends. About that time there was a new gay bar open in town so we started hanging out there. I was being more open to expressing myself although I still swore up and down to everyone I was straight but I would still get out there and dance with guys, girls or whomever wanted to have a good time. Up until this point I had never been with another man despite Patricks desperate efforts to let him have a go at me. Well, one night at the bar we both had a little too much to drink and ended up at this place. I had been bicurious for a while and was just waiting for the right person to try it with. As we lay on the bed he was steady trying to talk me into taking my pants off like he always did. He slowly reached over and started to undo them where as I was still playing the straight person part and telling him no. What he didnt know is that I wanted this probably worse then him so I put up a very very small struggle. Needless to say things progressed from there and I no longer needed to be curious..lol. It was great except for one thing. A week later he told my girlfriend, yes I said girlfriend, what we did. I just played it off and said he wishes. It has become a little inside joke between all of us now and he still gets upset cuz nobody believes him. Thats what he gets, big mouth.

While all this was going on I switched jobs again. Now I work at an adult video store. This is where I was first introduced to what is now one of my favorite magazines, Forced Feminization. Although you would never have to forced me to be fem or wear fem clothes, Im more that happy to do so. Even though I had been to some drag shows and stuff I still wasnt ready to meet one face to face. Im sorry to say this is where some prejudice comes in. One night a older man, maybe in his 60's came in all dolled up. He wasnt even remotely passable. Which made me start laughing so hard I couldnt even help him find anything. Little did I know my life was heading in the same direction. After a whlie I guess you could say I was desinsitized to all this and didnt find it quite as amusing. As the months rolled by I was finally able to help him out. He, sorry let me correct myself, she became one of our best customers and was a really nice person. My lesson here is, and I know we all have heard it, "dont judge a book by its cover".

Ok, fast forward to a year ago. By this time I had only been with a couple of guys, still dressed and wished I had been born a female and Im still with the same girlfriend which has no idea about any of this. I have a small suitcase of clothes which I keep hidden in my car also. One day I decide im gonna make some life changes cuz all this is just eating me up inside. I start reaching out to different communities, being more open about my sexuality and who I am. Thats when I met, we will call her Stacy. I met her on the internet and as we got to know each other better I found out she has alot of TG and crossdressing friends. I decided to recruit her for some help since she only lived about 15 miles away. Everytime I went shopping for some panties, dresses or anything fem I would always be scared to death for some reason. Her being with me made me fell at ease. We would go try on all kinds of clothes together and she would tell me her opinion on what she thought. It was great. She was also teaching me how to act more fem and giving me make-up tips. Oh, by the way, I should have a pic of me posted here shortly. I will never forget one day when she told me, "I can teach you to smoke a cigarette like a lady and **** **** like a *****". I think that saying is branned in my mind now forever...lol.

Finally, here we are, present day. I have come a long way but still have a life time of learning to do. I put down all the stereotypes I knew and now accept people for what they are, human. Im on the road to expressing my innerself. I have come out to a few people and they have been supportive but am still very much in the closest. I think my next big step will be to go out to the bar dressed as I know there will be others there like me. I think I will start off slow by maybe just wearing some girl jeans then shoes to kind of test the water first. I already wear panties and a sports bra all day everyday. I also keep my whole body silky smooth sence my girlfriend dont seen to mind. She does tease me about it though but its all good. Eventually I would like to live as the real me, the female me, Katie 24/7. Until then I guess I just got to take it one day at a time.

Edited by SilverLady(SO), Site Administrator

[SilverLady(SO)]

Welcome to the Forum, Katie. Just a suggestion, but you should start a thread in the New Member section and introduce yourself to everyone.

Oh, and please use euphemisms for any sexual references, if you must refer to them at all. I wish to remind you that we have several members under the age of 18, numerous visitors of indeterminate age, and many GG's - any or all of whom may be offended by the sexual references of your post, which I have edited. In addition, this site is heavily moderated for sexual references, as is stated in our Newbie Guide to Forum Rules, which can be found here: http://www.crossdressers-haven.com/foru ... 4013#54013

- SL

[Katie W]

Im, sorry and sure didnt mean to offend anyone, I guess I should have know better. Thank you for the advice.

[SilverLady(SO)]

You're welcome, Katie - we just put it down to a learning curve and move on!

- SL