I wanted to be closer to women

[Danielle S]

My beginnings were like many - mother's bra, panties, etc. etc. at age 12 or so. I'm pretty sure my initial motivation was to be closer to women and their bodies, a pretty much unattainable goal at that age. As a result, in my early CD years, it was essential that the clothes I wore had been worn by a woman. So, this meant "borrowing" items and sometimes shopping at thrift stores or yard sales. At some point, the clothes themselves became the goal, and I began to buy new items. Now, I shop pretty much at will (in drab) and try on as available. Anyone else have this kind of experience?

Danielle S

[KimberlyS]

Danielle, so many of our stories are similar yet different. Thanks for the view of yours.

kimberlys-cd
joe in a skirt

[Anita]

I'm pretty sure my initial motivation was to be closer to women and their bodies, a pretty much unattainable goal at that age.

That's exactly why I started, and at the same age. There may have been other motivations, too, but that was the one I was aware of. I can't exactly say it was to be closer to women, but I was creating a woman/girl in the here and now by crossdressing.

[Jazzmine]

I think I started in a similar way - to see what it was like to be/feel like a woman. Once I tried it, I preferred it.

Of course once puberty rushed in it became quite sexual as well. But I remember thinking very early on (maybe 9,10 yrs) that I wanted to BE a woman. I never really thought I was a woman trapped in a male body but my preference, if given a choice, would have been to become a woman and ditch the male.

I was always embarrassed about these feelings, but then I was embarrassed about myself most of the time! I didn't want the feelings of being a girl, however the sexual drive in early puberty meant it became a private pleasure to become a 'girl' for a short time.

I found it thoroughly confusing wanting to become that which I desired sexually. I thought I was just kinky, and buried it deep inside. I thought all men who crossdressed were gay. Since I knew I wasn't gay I just couldn't get my head around my gender preference. The internet introduced me to the TG rainbow and I finally found peace and acceptance through the knowledge I wasn't the only one like me in the world.

I am continually thankful for the inner reconciliation that this discovery has given me. I still am no closer to any answers but there seems to be safety in numbers!
Hugs Jazzmine

[Marjory]

I still look on the internet to see what is the oldest age is for a sex change... just in case my situation changes. Have the money for it now, but I'm 65... but a very young 65.

Marjory

[Andi L]

Marjory, me too, me too!! I just turned a young 64 (my mind thinks I'm 25- ha-ha) and I often think about SRS. I too can afford it now but like you circumstances are still in the way.

Then I wonder if it is even possible/advisable at the age I'd be after going through the preparation phases, counseling, LFT, HRT, etc. I'd probably be 70+ by then. Then I worry if it would be what I really would want; looking, walking, and feeling like a septuagenarian with the mind of a 25 year old. Oh well, at least the fantasies don't cost anything except wasted time in the pink fog.

[Absaroka]

Ah yes more late middle aged men thinking of being young women. I think of that sometimes even though I am clear that I don't want to be a woman. I sometimes think it has in my case more to do with wanting to be young.


Absaroka

[Diannna]

Well, I can sympathize and identify with those that may question wanting SRS in their later years. I myself am quite content to be just who I am. However in the near future ( 3/5 years ) I may be able to live some what part time enfemme. Lots of property and a bit secluded. That of course with the approval of the SO. This is what I look forward to. The urge to dress more and be or feel more fem comes with aging also, but I do not believe I could ever go the SRS route.

[Aubry]

Let us watch well our beginnings, and results will manage themselves

[April Rose]

I can relate to this greater acceptance of transgendered feelings as I have progressed through middle age. I love everything about women, admire them, enjoy their company and would love to have a Lady's grace and presentation, but I will remain male, and that is not just because of work and family considerations. We are empty nesters now, so my opportunities to dress at home have expanded. But I honestly, think that this is a spiritual opportunity as much as anything else. I am a male called to a feminine life. This is about personal exploration, not about surgery, not even about fitting in.

[Anita]

I would agree with April that it is a spiritual opportunity, and when I look at it that way, I can trust it more. In some way, I discovered that presenting as a woman was a great way to be honest, without being confrontational.

[CherryLynn]

I am now comfortable with the fact that I am a man who happens to like wearing lingerie and dresses. I do like women- think they are better than men- kinder, compassionate, etc. If there were such a thing as reincarnation I'd want to come back as a female.
Hugs to all
Cherry

[Erin L]

I have come to the conclusion that my dressing is an expression of a part of me that I was forced to suppress at an early age. Like Jazzmine, I have spent much of my life since puberty wanting to be what I desire, sexually. But even before sexual desire entered the picture, I wanted to experience what I saw girls experience.

When I think back to my preschool years, and my friends from the neighborhood, there were as many girls as boys. When I started school, I was a class cut-up, and got into more trouble talking to the girls than I did with the boys, and it has only recently occurred to me that the reason for that was that misbehaving gave me "cover" for socializing with girls, which there were already social pressures against.

As a society, we still impose a strict bifurcation between maleness and female-ness. I don't feel as Cherry Lynn does, that women are better than men. There are good men and evil men, good women and evil women. The characteristics we regard as masculine are vital to the human species, as are the characteristics we regard as feminine. Dominance of either over the other is unhealthy and unproductive, IMHO.