Crossdressers-Haven.com

I don't remember the frist time I had nylons on or the griddle with stays I can barely remember who was there, i know my cousian was there as she always was. Latter in life it seemed we shared a common joke; And the joke was on me. As a child I spent alot of time with with my Aunt and Uncle I also suffered from headaches so, at my Aunt's house my cousin who being six yrs. older had the task of baby sitting me. The easiest answer to the headaches was that I was given codine by my cousin, this also made me easier to handle. At some point I don't know when I remember being called into my cousins room after church on Sunday in the summer time, my Aunt and Uncle [ police Majeristic} where out to lunch./brunch/happy hour/stashed. I knocked on her door as I was taught to do, And waited for her to tell me I could come in. She told me to undress outside the door. [She was allowed to disicpline me as my baby sitter] So I undressed and entered her room. I always saw my cousine as a full grown person, I had seen nude women before. She was wearing white bra and grand ma panties, with a white garter belt which held her beige nylon stockings she told me to come in and shut the door, I did. I was told to lick her and she told me where. After that she had me dress in a gridder belt and attached nylons and put a short girls pleated skirt on, and a pair of my Aunts high heels; She put a belt around my neck and lead me downstairs into the livingroom Where several of her girlfreinds waited As their tool for fun I became aware of fruits and veg's. Understand as a young boy this stuff was the legends of the big guys. I really got to like the clothes and stuff my cousine dressed me in. And when her freinds would show up early to help get me ready, plus get a lick'en on the side its when the boyfreinds arrived that I had a bad time. At the start of this whole deal i was with girls,playing with girls, and all the room in be tween. When the boyfreinds arrived i was tossed into a different world. The girls spanked me if I did not do as told. The older boys seeing me as small and weak whipped me. What started as a game with my cousine and then with her freinds as well turned into a nightmare of rape and beatings. My cousine also knew all the people who babysitted me at my own home, which turned into more of the same treatment, My past is my past I cannot change what happened to me any more than I could change the way I feel about wearing nylons and heels today. I hope no one else ever has to go through what I did. I love the feel of silk on my skin , I love the feel of heels that feel right, I like who I am and not because of the path I had to take or the jerks along the way. I was attacked as a child and raped many times forced to dress in womens's clothes but as I forgive all attacks I did grow to love the feel and the ---------- that the clothes and ect. caused in my mind. This is my memory of the first time.

not a good way to start life.

I am sorry for the way it started, but am glad you were able to forgive,

Leeza

Hi Lea

Like you I love my nylon lingerie, especially wearing lingerie. All i can say is that I hope your lingerie brings you a lot of happiness and comfort.

Joan

I am really sorry to hear of the abuse you suffered as a child.

Is it too late for legal action? The statute of limitations starts to count after you become an adult for these things.

Zari

When I began reading this I thought at first that it was a petticoat punishment fantasy until it turned out to be an account of child abuse. I had experiences of reluctantly allowing myself to be spanked by a friend while crossdressed but allowed it to continue because I also enjoyed and encouraged it on most other occassions. The main difference is that I was a young adult and had the power to stop it if I wanted to. Ironically though the times I really didn't want to be spanked but failed to stop it are my some of my strongest and favourite memories of that episode in my life. At the time I felt my friend was taking advantage of me but I have turned the experience into positive memories.

Lets not confuse abuse with someones fun fantasy. I to was abused, and a deep rage runs within me towards child abusers. Forgiveness toward any abuser is for the victim's benefit, and not the perp. That is the most important thing to remember.

I have read your replys and thank you for your understanding. Several small points, No legal action will be taken since I'm 53 yts. and nobody cares what happened then. Nor will they act now. I'm whats known as a pass. Most of the people in this event are either dead or older than me, this wouldf cause confusion since the prime perps are very rich. Money wise. Since I have been cut off by all realeted family ties these would only seem as bad taste " A real man would nerver allowed that to happen to them" well Iwas a child and the adult in me says life goes on, the past is only the image you see in retrospect colerd by the brush of time. I will not allow my past to control my present, I have come to enjoy the feel of nylons on my legs and high heels on my feet. I'm just me, who ever that really is.

I've also had something that amounts to child abuse - but nothing so physically graphic and horrible. I can kind of remember one of my initial reactions was "how can this person do this to herself?" Because, while it's a terrible thing they're doing to you, as a child you're not responsible - and so can kind of forgive yourself. They can never forgive themselves, because they are responsible (I was abused by my grandmother) - so, then, somewhere they're in this hell forever.

So they can have as much money as they like, as much success in the world, and it still won't help. That's a really terrible thing. I think it would be true for your teenagers too.

I guess it's too late to take action. And for your sake I'm glad that you are able to forgive these people, but that's because forgiveness is really for the benefit of the person doing the forgiving.

Thank you for sharing your experience. I would think this sort of thing happens more than people realize. I'd also think that for at least some of your attackers you were not their only victim.

Again my condolences for what happened to you.

When I met my wife I would tell her about my horrible childhood and she would always cry. She was raised in a loving caring enviroment, and I was raised in an abusive enviroment. She would come back later and ask me to tell her another "horrible story." I love dressing and whatever horrible experiences I have had will never determine how I treat people now nor will it determine how I feel. You go girl.

Hugs Vivian