when I found out that I loved feminine things

Barbra · Post by **Barbra** » Wed May 19, 2004 5:46 am

How can I start? I really can't remember when. This feeling and desire has always been a part of me> I have always wondered why I am like this. Are my genes all out of whack or am I really part female? Who knows? I only know that has always been like this (and that has been a very long time.)
There have been times that I would stop dressing for long periods but the feelings were always there and never left then I would return to my old ways. It has been a long and confusing journey but i am finally learing to live withself.
Barbra

Beauty · Post by **Beauty** » Wed May 19, 2004 6:14 am

Hi Barbara,

That was a good start.

You spoke! You wrote! We now know who you are and part of you can begin to heal by gaining more knowledge about yourself as a CD'r.

How old were you when you started? Were you ever caught? Have you ever told anyone? Are you married or dating? Do they know?

Those are just a few questions that would be great to know, but if you don't want to answer those, don't worry.

It's awesome that you made your first step and have talked to us and let us know you are out there.

Thanks for posting !!!!

Beauty

Virginia · Post by **Virginia** » Wed May 19, 2004 6:35 am

Barbara,
Welcome, and thanks for sharing remember, the great chinese philosopher "A journey of 1000 miles begins with a single step!" Girl, you have taken that step and your sisters here are ready to walk with you.
You may wish to read Carl Jung (the father of modern philosophy) at
http://ourworld.compuserve.com/homepage ... /anima.htm
"Jung's Anima Theory and How it Relates to Crossdressing."
I know it has given me a lot of insight into myself.
Let us know what you think.
Love,
Deborah

Loretta Ann · Post by **Loretta Ann** » Wed May 19, 2004 2:08 pm

Barbara,

To our little haven.

The support given to you from the two pevious poster comes from two of our finest.

Barbra · Post by **Barbra** » Thu May 20, 2004 5:13 am

Beauty, I don't remember when I started because it has always been a part of me. I don't think that I was ever caught although I know that a lot of people over the years have been supspicious, and yes I told my wife a long time ago even though she has never accepted it, so it remains an undiscussed subject in this house which hurts me a lot. And yes I am married and have been for many years. I love and respect my wife very much. We grew up and atended the same schools together. I was never really serious about anyone else. We have two children and three grandchildren so you can see why I have to be careful. Just recently my wife has begun to let me buy clothes openly but she says that she doesn't want to see them. I guess I am torn between my love for my wife and my own desires.

Beauty · Post by **Beauty** » Thu May 20, 2004 6:00 am

Hi Barbra,

Thank you for taking the time to reply to my post. I'm very sorry your wife isn't accepting of this side of your life. That really doesn't help our growth.

We need support from those who are closest to us.

There are lots of gals like you here who are in the same boat you are.

Feel free to reach out and get support for that. If you do a search on a phrase like supportive wife or a word like supportive you will find lots of interesting articles about how some of our TG'd family cope with a wife or SO who doesn't accept their CD'ing.

Your romance with your wife sounds wonderful.

Childhood friends marry. That's ever child's fantasy.

Well, it was mine at least.

Congrats on your children and grandchildren, that's AWESOME!!

Hopefully by reading other's posts here you will gain some much needed support. Going through what you're going through alone is incredibly difficult (I know from reading others who have posted this). Hopefully you will use the forum and get that much needed support I was referring to.

Thank you for sharing more about yourself.

Beauty

Virginia · Post by **Virginia** » Thu May 20, 2004 2:56 pm

Hi Barbra,
My wife allows me to use one of our guest bedroom closets for my wardrobe and I have finally convienced her to stop going in there and looking at my clothes. She is similar to your wife in that regard. She knows I order or buy all the niceities that come with this gift, but she is emphatic that she does not want to see Deborah. Other than that she is accepting and gives me a lot of lienancy. Just respect her wishes and work with her expectations and communicate but don't force the issue either. Good luck and keep us posted.
Love ya,
Deborah

Barbra · Post by **Barbra** » Fri May 21, 2004 5:44 am

One of my problems is that my only brother who lives in another state is transexual and my wife believes that this is what I want. So far I have not been able to convince her that I only want to be who I really am. As I said before we married at ayoung age, we have known each other all our lives and I don't want to change that. I have always loved her and I always will. How do I deal with that?

Barbra · Post by **Barbra** » Fri May 21, 2004 5:50 am

We have a large four bedroom house and all the kids are grown with their own lives so there is no one here but the two of us but there is no room for Barbra. The only space Barbra has is my computer room and there is no closet here.
Barbra

Caroline · Post by **Caroline** » Fri May 21, 2004 6:16 am

Hi Barbra,

You say in one of your posts that you're torn between your love for your wife and your need to express a part of your personality that your wife doesn't want to know. That's a very difficult position to be in, and it boils down to what is more important to you, I'm afraid.

You really need to talk about this with your wife. Though I'm not really sure to what extent you have done that yet, because you say in one post that it is an undiscussed subject, but in another that your wife believes that you are a transexual, just like your brother.

Either way, you've got to do some serious thinking and talking together, and ultimately decide what each of you want to do. Hopefully, through this process, you'll both become closer to each other, but that's in the hands of your wife and yourself.

I wish I could offer you a simpler solution, but I can't. Good luck, and please keep us posted. Whatever happens, there are people here who will listen to you sympathetically, and offer as much help as they can.

Take care, and kind regards,

Caroline.

Phylis Anne · Post by **Phylis Anne** » Fri May 21, 2004 3:59 pm

dear barbra first off very nice to meet you and wellcome to our forum,now i also have the problem of living with my wife and my four children.all which are adults and my son is the youngest ,he is 22,now since i have told my wife after being toghether for about 40 years ,four of those while i was in the navy in vietnam,she is finally accepting the fact that i am a confirmed crossdresser and i have been going out to as many of my group meetings and functions that i can.she accepts the fact that i am a male and female and both living seperate lives.when i am phykis and out i am totally female.at this stage of the game i now travel to my meetings fully dressed and this means travelling to new york city where our group meets,the most exiting thing is being in the city dressed and walking through the streets with out as much as a sisdward glance,it makes me feel so feminine to be myself and have such a marvelous time.i think that we are living in a time that people are finally accepting us for who and what we are. well time for dinner all my love phylis anne

Barbra · Post by **Barbra** » Sat May 22, 2004 5:16 am

Caroline,
There is no simple solution. I guess I fell in love with my wife the first time that I ever saw her and that was when I was about seven years old. There has never been anyone else. People do not understand this but it is absolutely true. I have decided, she comes first. this is a dilemma but eventually it will work out.
Thank you for caring.
Love,
Barbra

Barbra · Post by **Barbra** » Sat May 22, 2004 5:30 am

My wife has accepted the fact that this is what I want out of life but it is definitely not for her. That is the dilemma but I have to respect her feelings too. I have never left the house because we live in a small rural community and every one here knows me. We do travel fairly often to other states and spend time in motels. This is where I would to dress and go out but I don't believe she would agree to even that.
Love
Barbra Carolyn

Barbra · Post by **Barbra** » Sun May 23, 2004 6:40 am

After all these years of refusual to accept the other side of me, the other day my wife consented to let me buy a couple if pairs of panties while we were together. She knows that I have other clothing and under garments and when I asked how I would keep them clean,( I always laundered them when she was away,) she simply said,"just put them in the laundry basket and I will do them with the other laundry." She has consented to let me go shopping by myself but I still want her to go with me, maybe that will come in the near future. I guess that I have low esteem about myself regarding this but I have always been unable to talk really openly with her about this. I am now learing that talk, and lots of it, solves a lot of problems. She still doesn't want to meet of even see Barbra but she does know that she exist. To all the other CD's, just talk calmly and gently to your wives. Don't push it!
Love.
A Happy and excited,
Barbra

Beauty · Post by **Beauty** » Sun May 23, 2004 7:36 pm

Hi Barbra!!!!

Congrats!!!!

That must mean so much to you!!!

I'm glad she's starting to change.

Beauty

Crossdressers-Haven.com

when I found out that I loved feminine things

when I found out that I loved feminine things

to Beauty

To Deborah

re problems with my so

to Caroline

to Phylis Anne

Good news for me