Crossdressers-Haven.com

It is already a long journey even when I was just 13. You never know what going to happen, what going to be next, all you know is what have passed and what is going on. For me, when I look at back at what happened, my life contains both hate and pleasure.
I can’t remember what I did when I was 2, but I know 1 thing for sure, my dad went to the U.S at this time. I lived with my mom until I was 6 and was in 1st grade. Then, my mom, go to the U.S, too, leave me in the care of my grandparent. Without my mom, at that time, one day, when my grandparent were away and my dad’s younger brother take care of me, I hided into the wardrobe and said that I will sleep in here. But I did not, the wardrobe was too small and there were lots of stuff in it. Suddenly, I saw my mom dress, that remind me of my mom, and of course, I put it on me, and that was the first time I crossdress. But then I got busted by my uncle, all he did was laughing when he saw me, then I was shy (or nervous or something, I’m not sure which word to use) and I pull the dress of, then my uncle take me to his girl friend house. When I was on the motorcycle with him, he told me: “You look like a real girl”.
After that, there wasn’t really anything interest going on at my house, when I finished 2nd grade, I moved to another state in Vietnam and live with my dad’s elder brother, I stay here and go through 3rd grade to 6th grade. This is when I learned more about crossdressing and realize that I didn’t want to be a boy at all. My uncle also has a son. I will call him my cousin. My cousin was the second person to see me crossdress, and he was the one to teach me to masturbate when I was in 5th grade. My cousin also helped me get bra from my aunt. I lived there and I usually crossdress in the night time, wearing only bra and panty (cuz I can’t find anything else look girly).
And then, when 6th grade ended, my mom went back to Vietnam and took me to the U.S. This is the times that inspired me the most. I met my dad, and my mom and I also have a little sister. In here, I learned more and have lots of stuff to crossdress with. Everything was perfect until the summer of 2010.
I still remember that day,… my dad found out me crossdressing, and he told me when I grow up, I will change. I thought he accepted me as a girl, but I was wrong. A week after that, when I was walking with him, alone, he told me that I have to stop, because I'm his only son and he doesn’t want to see me that way. The story continue for a month, then I stopped crossdress for about 2 month, and then the new school year begin, I was an 8th grade.
Yes, I did crossdress again, but only few times, and I did not enjoy it as much as I used too; it’s all because I'm afraid that my dad will find out and get mad at me, he warned me that if I keep doing this, he will send me to the military school. Everything was fine until November of 2010.
That girl, the one in my class, her name is Elissa. She was Chinese, she was so cute and everytime I look at her, I want to crossdress. But that not the end yet, I begin to realize that I felt like I really like her, and the feeling of love grow stronger and stronger, and that feeling stopped me to crossdress, too. I asked my friend what should I do, they told me to hang out with her. But I was shy so I wrote her a love poem, draw her some anime picture and then,… I was ready to tell her.
That day, 12/7/10, was the day I give her the poem. The night before that, I prayed to God that He will help me. But,… life is not easy, and pray didn’t work, Elissa read the whole stuff I gave her, then she look at me and said that she doesn’t like me. I was broken hearted, and I was shocked. I didn’t talk to anyone for like 3 days, and I cried… too, and after that, I feel really lonely and I started to crossdress again. This time, I told myself, if I can’t marry Elissa, I'm gonna stay single the rest of myself, and I'm going to be a transgender, too. And then the feeling of crossdressing grew stronger, I started to give myself a girl name: Tiana.
I started to crossdress again, every single day, and I feel like I'm the happiest person in the world when I dress. I enjoy being a girl, and when I'm in dress, I don’t have to do anything to be happy, because I know that I'm already so happy. The idea of being a transgender, being a girl keep stuck in my head, and I planned to study hard so that when I grow older I can find work and receive high pay and get a house to move outside and crossdress more. And yes, I love crossdress, every one of us here love crossdress. My friends look at me and said that I do look like a girl sometimes, because I was weak and I tried to talk like them. So, that was my story  I will wait until I grow up, when I can get my own house and crossdress full time :D.

Stay true to your heart, Tiana. You are young, you will find a girl/lady who will love you for who you are. You have friends here who will help you as you grow older.

You said dad was not happy, but you didn't say how mom is with your dressing? Do you have no one to support you?

Hi Tiana

That is some description of who you are and how you got there, life has certainly given you some trials.

It is unfortunate that your first love spurned you, and very hurtful also. You will love again though and next time things will work out for you. It was very romantic of you to write a poem, not may do that as an expression of their love these days. Do continue, as the girl you next love may well be very impressed.

You are very young to be stating life choices, but I do not think the drive to crossdress will ever leave you. Most if not all of us who CD at your age have continued to do so. On the TG issue you are much to young to contemplate that, especially as U will again love a girl that you will want a relationship with.

Hugs,
Joan

Tiana, thank you for sharing.

Teen age years are hard and to be a crossdresser with no support makes it even harder. A couple of the things that make the teen age years so hard are the changeing harmones and changeing from a child to an adult.

Right now you are under your Dad's roof so you need to obey his rules. In a few years you will be on your own and under the roof you pay for then it should be your rules. I know it seems like that day will never get here, but believe me it will and sooner than you think.

From what yo have posted in the forum and chat, I would say your Dad wants what he feels is the best for you. He wants you to study hard and become fluent in teh English language both written and spoken. He is wanting to get past some of the things he has had to deal with and probably still deals with.

As far as the beautiful girl you fell in love with, we have all been there. Most of us csn probably tell you about that first girfriend that we thought was the one and only just to have several more one and only.

I think I had better close this off before it turns into a book.

Leeza

Tiana, much of what you write reminds me of what I went through years ago. Although the circumstances were much different, I crossdressed for years as a way to "become" or to get closer to one whom I liked a lot. I still think it's a very large part of why I crossdress, in some way I am trying to become the girl I loved. My dad didn't like it much at the time, but I found out years later that he was much more accepting of it than I expected, and much of his warnings, cautions, etc. were intended more to shield or protect me than to "correct" my behavior. Parents most generally want their kids to be happy and comfortable, and often know more about what will make them happy and comfortable than the kids do.
When my daughter was about 3 years old, she climbed to the top of a book case and was going to junp into the toy box, because she wanted to fly. And I told her "don't do that, you will break your leg", and she replied "but I like to break my leg." The point is that she didn't have sufficient information to make a good decision about the subject.
Well, I don't know if you have all the information you need to make the correct decisions, or whether your parents do, but I'm willing to bet your parents want what's best for you. The problem becomes, what is best?
Everyone here will tell you that crossdressing comes with it's share of trouble, problems with employers, SOs, family, etc. But it also brings a great deal of happiness, comfort, and satisfaction to life. So your parents and us can offer advise based on our own knowledge and experience, but only you can live your life.
It is very painful to be rejected by the woman you love, I'm in the same boat with you on that one. All I'm going to say about that subject, is Shakespeare was right "to thine own self be true." What this really means is "don't lie to yourself, or pretend what you are not." The problem with pretending something, is if you find a girl who likes what you are pretending to be, she might not like what you really are, and then you have a problem. So ALWAYS be honest with yourself. For decades I tried to tell myself that I wasn't a crossdresser, that is was one thing or another. But I didn't really find peace until I accepted myself for what I am. When you accept yourself, then it's possible for a girl to accept you, but if you're lying to yourself then you are automatically lying to everyone else as well.