Crossdressers-Haven.com

I am heistant to put this here because in the past I have told this to a couple people and had to deal with issues about my being abused. I have never felt that was the case at all and I have no regrets. I think at some point all of it would have come out in me anyway.

When I was 13 I had a big crush on a woman who lived a couple of blocks from us. She was I think 23 at the time. I would find any excuse I could to spend with her so was often at her house doing little odd jobs, like mowing and raking just to be near her. At some point this started to include my helping her hand clothes on the line and bringing them in. One day she made a comment to me about how much I must like her clothes because of how careful I was with them and how it looked like I like to touch some of them and hold them.

Of course I really embarassed by this and I hadn't really thought about much I really did enjoy that. She was really beautiful to me and what she wore seemed to add to that in my eyes. My dismay at her words caused me to hurry away that day. About a week later, of course I couldn't stay away, I had been mowing for her and she was in the house cleaning. She called to me to please bring in the things from the clothes line for her.

I was taking them down and I could see her watching me from the window. I realized that once again I was taking a big longer than I needed with each piece so I hurried to get them down in the basket or hung on a hanger.

When I got into the house she had me sit on the couch and told me that I shouldn't be so upset if I liked the feel of clothes. She told me she had a brother who liked girls clothes too and she thought that was cool. Then she asked me if maybe I would like to try some her clothes on just for fun. I told I couldn't, then told her I had to go.

I couldn't stop thinkinb about it though and a week later I was fully dressed in some her things. This went on for over a year and during that time she would sometimes put makeup on me. We became like very close girl friends during this time.

She moved away after about a year and half. When she did she left me some things to wear. I hid them out and would put them when I would get a chance for awhile. Then my brother found part of my things so I purged them. A lot of times over the years I wished had those things back they were really special to me.

FWIW It doesn't feel abusive to me. There's a kind of innocence to it. My grandmother started me off with the CDing when I was 4. I believe that was abuse.

What a wonderfully gentle, knowing, and kind introduction to your own cross-dressing exploration. Few of us entered into it as pleasantly. It's only a pity you couldn't get to know her better, and grow up with her more.

This fits very well with my nascent theories of modeling and imprinting: We want to emulate those we admire greatly, and wearing clothes like theirs (or that are theirs) sometimes becomes a conditioned (conditional) and sometimes, secondarily, a highly erotic response.

This is why little boys wear cowboy and firemen outfits, and girls like Barbie and ballerina outfits; and since Pooh and Max, furry outfits. It's why children want to do what their parents do, and sometimes even replicate their parents styles of communication (or non-communication, or fighting!) in their own families. And it's all done with little or no understanding of where that behavior comes from, or why we feel so compelled.

(FWIW, I also think gender dysphoria is different, but related -- but that's another post for another time.)