Crossdressers-Haven.com

I don't remember how old I was exactly and it doesnt help for all the medical problems that i've had probably contribute to me losing my memory and only being 25. I dont remember how I started exactly but I started wearing my moms underwear when I was a kid, I found periods of time when she wasnt at the house or at least in her room and would put them on and to the best of my knowledge all i did for a while was just lay in the floor and curl up. I did that with her bustier too when she had that hanging on the back of the door for the closet one day too, I remember a time where I think I tried to put on a diaper too but idk when that was but i did the same thing and just curled up on the floor. My brother had found a pair that i had shoved under my matress, i dont remember what i said but if i remember correctly it was the green shiny pair that i wore to school one day in elementary school. So i didnt any dirty reasons that i got into it and thats what makes me wonder about it so much like if i have a condition with my blood or whatever and was supposed to be a girl in the first place. I still do it to this day but to a fuller extent with makeup, wig, lingerie, dresses, skirts, heels, and all that jazz. Its just always been a confliction i've had in my life always trying to hide it from people and feeling like im lying to myself. Especially because i have kids now its a worry some thing and not knowing how they'd take it, or the crap they'd get from the people they go to school with or anyone else. I've just never really had anyone to talk to about this.

A lot of people don't remember stuff from their childhood - doesn't have to have specific medical reasons. I know that as I got older I realised I was forgetting lots of detail and richness and then whole events.

I don't know if this helps, but lots of CDs are conflicted. It's got better with me, but it's still there. It really does help to talk - like being here has helped (a lot). Last week I was in a store buying some food, the day after a particularly intense CDing experience and I was still carrying around a bit of the woman I became inside me. I helped someone out - and she said that she could tell that I'd done it because I was "at peace with myself".

Conflict and confusion is not uncommon in early periods of cross dressing in our younger years when our emotions and feelings are forming. Finding a confident to share with is very difficult as we do not know how the person will react (which adds to the confusion and frustrations). However, if the feelings are too great to handle, there are counselling services with CDing and transgender specific services available. Further, there are stories on the web from very knowledgeable people who are CDers or transitioned. Look up Cate McGregor, an Australian Army Officer who has recently made the transition. Her story is wonderful and courageous.