Crossdressers-Haven.com

Kerry started life in August 1952. My first memory of wearing girls clothes is when I was four (ish). I must have been very young cos I used to stand upright on the bedroom windowsill and wave to passersby in the street. My bedroom chest had a drawer full of my sisters clothes, I used to wear them regularly.

I was an outcast at school from day one. Never accepted by other boys, I grew up playing with the girls. By the age of nine I was being treated at the local Mental Health Clinic for my disruptive behavior. I used to cry myself to sleep , all the time wishing I would wake up as a girl.

I have a clear memory of going "Guising" one halloween dressed in a flounced girls party frock typical of that period, right down to the patent Mary Jane shoes.

My parents went out three or four nights every week to pubs and clubs. By the time I was ten I was left at "home alone" (cue for a film ). My evenings always started at about 1800 with me putting on my sisters underwear and dresses that they had left behind when they left home. They are 10 & 12 years older than me. Several times I was almost caught. On many occasions I would dive into bed fully dressed, until my parents had gone to bed. Once I was in bed wearing a Bridal Gown when my mum came to say goodnight.

It was not until I saw Psycho on the television one evening that I learned that being dressed was not normal, and had a word for it. That was when the guilt started.

At the age of 16 I left school, I grew my hair and a beard in keeping with my pop idols Black Sabbath. I bought the first of seven motorcycles and hit the pubs and clubs. During that period my urges were dormant.
I got drunk a lot, slept around with girls a lot, got into trouble with the law a lot and generally was a typical teenager for the Aberdeen area I lived in.

I joined the RAF to get away from home, it was then in that sterile environment that the urges came back big style. I felt like Samson must have felt. When my long hair and beard was cut off my confidence went with it. It wasnt long before I started the never ending cycle of buying feminine clothes, feeling guilty, dumping them then buy some more etc etc.....

Maybe if there is time I will add Chapter two...

Hugs

Kerry

I hate that movies like Psycho and Silence of the Lambs have put crossdressers in a bad light.

Unfortunately, I cant tell you what I personally did to get over the guilt and accept myself. I just do. When in drab, I am incredibly macho. I keep my head shaved. I have a tattoo on my shoulder, the classic heart with "Mom" written on a banner surrounding it. I own a muscle car. I love beer and classic rock.

But the odd thing is, when I was younger and had a lot more to hide, I tried to straddle the fence, thinking that if I acted too manly, people would think I was compensating for something. Like I said, I dont know what the change was, I was just tired of putting up the facade. I began to do the things I enjoyed, and this is what I've turned into.

Interestingly enough, I'm in the american Air Force. We have a lot in common.

I was in the RAF for twenty one years. I left in 1993. During that time I worked on Canberra's, F-4 M , Nimrod, Gazelle, Sikorsky, HS125, Chinook, Tristar, Buccaneer, and Shackleton.

I went out with a few USAF girls from a base at Alconbury, I used to frequent Lakenhealth and Mildenhall too.

I miss the Schlitz Malt beer, the CC & 7 , and Club sandwiches...
Good times...

Kerry,
Honey, seven, seven motorcycles!!!! You are all right in my book! Love bikes, had a Suzi 1400 that my wife sold at a yard sale! But that's too another story! Thanks for sharing and do tell us more!
Virginia

Hi Kerry,

Thanks for posting your beginnings story and sharing it with us.

I was more of an outcast as I grew older. It sounds like the being teamed with girls stuff went away, did it? You seem to have found the macho way for your teen years. Do you feel you are effeminate?

Sorry I have questions like that. I hope they aren't intrusive questions.

Thanks for joining the forum too Kerry!

Beauty

Hi Beauty,

I have on several occasions, received comments from family and colleagues on some of my mannerisms or habits. I have grown used to the comments over the years, but am not conciously aware of being effeminate myself.

Throughout my childhood and early teens I was called a sissy. I never knew why! The same occurred in my twenties and thirties.

I suppose I must be to a certain extent. I cant imagine how Fred Flintstone can be accused of being effeminate because thats who I resemble in my minds eye.
Hmmm...

Kerry

Hi Kerry,

Barney Rubble here. I often find myself standing with hand on hip or some other 'unmanly' thing. People have commented throughout the years on how I have to behave with my mannerisms. When I am relaxed I tend to swing from boy mode to girl mode and back again without even noticing.

I found your story quite touching, I know just what you mean when you say about the effect things have on you when your'e a kid (psycho etc)

I am looking forward to reading chapter 2

Love
Rebecca xxx

Hi Kerry,

Girl...we have a lot in common! That was a really great post. It was quite insightful. I also hate the way that Cders are portrayed by the media. They have effectively made people afraid of this behaviour.[/quote]