How I started crossdressing
Posted: Thu Nov 20, 2003 10:27 pm
(Note: I posted this under the new members thread, but then I realized it belongs here instead)
When I was 15 years old, I used to sneak into the attic. I had a female cousin who was a year younger than me, and a sister who is 4 years younger. My sister and I got hand me down clothes from my cousin and her older brother who was 3 years older than me. We used to store the clothes in our attic. I felt sort of left out, because there were tons more clothes for my sister from the female cousin, and only a few things for me from my male cousin.
Also, my dad was kind of an absent father figure. He worked alot, and didn't spend much quality time with me, and he used to make fun of some of my friends (who he thought were nerdy), and berate me for not being better in sports.
I was much closer to my mother, and I guess on some level I identified more with the women in my family.
Anyway, I was bored one day, and I went up to the attic and tried on some of my cousins things. The pants were too tight in the waist, but some of the tops fit. I could not believe how excited it made me feel. When my sister got a little older I tried on a few of her things too, but I was very careful to put things back as I found them. No one ever noticed, or if they did, my mom and sister never said anything to me.
When I was in college I was home for summer break, and my mom and stepdad took my sister to look at colleges for a whole weekend. I tried on several of my mom's outfits, and put on some makeup and painted my nails. I stayed en femme for several hours and watched tv around the house like that. The feelings were incredible.
But, I didn't have a wardrobe of my own so when I was in college or graduate school I didn't have much opportunity. But the feelings were still there.
After graduate school I got a place of my own, and began ordering femme clothing and some makeup from catalogs. I bought a few things that didn't really fit well, or weren't the right color for me. I didn't dress that often during this time period, and when I did, I didn't wear the clothes for very long. It would feel good at first, but then I'd get ashamed and take them off after a brief time.
Then, in 1998 I got a computer and an internet connection. I began to explore the TG community online. I bookmarked dozens of websites, and read the bios of many TGs. I also began reading more about fashion and makeup tips on their websites. I ordered some additional things online which fit me better. I also discovered Ebay and began ordering things there, and made some additional purchases.
I crossdressed sporadically for several years. I never purged my stuff, but I kept it hidden in a suitcase in the back of my closet. When I was dating regularly I didn't feel the need to crossdress as often, or maybe I didn't have the opportunity either.
In the fall of 2002 I began a serious relationship which lasted until February of 2003. We were very close, and began discussing the possibility of marriage. There were still some issues which needed to be worked out. I wanted to tell her about my crossdressing, but I was ashamed of it, and had never told anyone about it. I dropped some vague hints, and she didn't respond well to those. Finally one day we were in her apartment, and she was showing me a new outfit which she had purchased, she had it laid across her bed. I was touching it, I couldn't help myself. She asked me if I wanted to try it on, and I (being honest) said yes. She freaked out, and questioned me some more, and I told her about my crossdressing. She was screaming and crying and asked me to leave. I left and spoke briefly with her the next day by telephone. She promised not to tell anyone locally, but she told her family and friends in the midwest.
I was extremely depressed and ashamed about this. I came out to a GG friend, who offered me some support. I also saw a therapist who helped me to overcome my feelings of shame, and live the life I wanted to live. I started going to TGEA meetings (the Transgendered Education Association) here in the Washington, D.C. area, where I met other CD/TG people. They were very supportive.
My family still has no idea, and I am very careful to hide my femme stuff whenever they visit me.
Since February 2003, I have sort of blossomed into a new person. My femme persona is much more developed. I go out regularly (3-4 times a month) shopping, to TGEA meetings, and occasionally with a GG friend en femme. I've shopped en femme at many stores, including Macys, Hechts, Dress Barn, Rack Room Shoes, DSW Shoe Warehouse, Marshalls, Ross, a local consignment shop, thrift stores, CVS, and now MAC cosmetics (see my post on that under the Out and About thread). I have also been to restaurants twice while en femme.
To those of you who are afraid to try some of these things, I say, go for it. You don't know what you are missing! You only get once chance at life, so my advice is to get out there and have some fun.
Sharon Rose
When I was 15 years old, I used to sneak into the attic. I had a female cousin who was a year younger than me, and a sister who is 4 years younger. My sister and I got hand me down clothes from my cousin and her older brother who was 3 years older than me. We used to store the clothes in our attic. I felt sort of left out, because there were tons more clothes for my sister from the female cousin, and only a few things for me from my male cousin.
Also, my dad was kind of an absent father figure. He worked alot, and didn't spend much quality time with me, and he used to make fun of some of my friends (who he thought were nerdy), and berate me for not being better in sports.
I was much closer to my mother, and I guess on some level I identified more with the women in my family.
Anyway, I was bored one day, and I went up to the attic and tried on some of my cousins things. The pants were too tight in the waist, but some of the tops fit. I could not believe how excited it made me feel. When my sister got a little older I tried on a few of her things too, but I was very careful to put things back as I found them. No one ever noticed, or if they did, my mom and sister never said anything to me.
When I was in college I was home for summer break, and my mom and stepdad took my sister to look at colleges for a whole weekend. I tried on several of my mom's outfits, and put on some makeup and painted my nails. I stayed en femme for several hours and watched tv around the house like that. The feelings were incredible.
But, I didn't have a wardrobe of my own so when I was in college or graduate school I didn't have much opportunity. But the feelings were still there.
After graduate school I got a place of my own, and began ordering femme clothing and some makeup from catalogs. I bought a few things that didn't really fit well, or weren't the right color for me. I didn't dress that often during this time period, and when I did, I didn't wear the clothes for very long. It would feel good at first, but then I'd get ashamed and take them off after a brief time.
Then, in 1998 I got a computer and an internet connection. I began to explore the TG community online. I bookmarked dozens of websites, and read the bios of many TGs. I also began reading more about fashion and makeup tips on their websites. I ordered some additional things online which fit me better. I also discovered Ebay and began ordering things there, and made some additional purchases.
I crossdressed sporadically for several years. I never purged my stuff, but I kept it hidden in a suitcase in the back of my closet. When I was dating regularly I didn't feel the need to crossdress as often, or maybe I didn't have the opportunity either.
In the fall of 2002 I began a serious relationship which lasted until February of 2003. We were very close, and began discussing the possibility of marriage. There were still some issues which needed to be worked out. I wanted to tell her about my crossdressing, but I was ashamed of it, and had never told anyone about it. I dropped some vague hints, and she didn't respond well to those. Finally one day we were in her apartment, and she was showing me a new outfit which she had purchased, she had it laid across her bed. I was touching it, I couldn't help myself. She asked me if I wanted to try it on, and I (being honest) said yes. She freaked out, and questioned me some more, and I told her about my crossdressing. She was screaming and crying and asked me to leave. I left and spoke briefly with her the next day by telephone. She promised not to tell anyone locally, but she told her family and friends in the midwest.
I was extremely depressed and ashamed about this. I came out to a GG friend, who offered me some support. I also saw a therapist who helped me to overcome my feelings of shame, and live the life I wanted to live. I started going to TGEA meetings (the Transgendered Education Association) here in the Washington, D.C. area, where I met other CD/TG people. They were very supportive.
My family still has no idea, and I am very careful to hide my femme stuff whenever they visit me.
Since February 2003, I have sort of blossomed into a new person. My femme persona is much more developed. I go out regularly (3-4 times a month) shopping, to TGEA meetings, and occasionally with a GG friend en femme. I've shopped en femme at many stores, including Macys, Hechts, Dress Barn, Rack Room Shoes, DSW Shoe Warehouse, Marshalls, Ross, a local consignment shop, thrift stores, CVS, and now MAC cosmetics (see my post on that under the Out and About thread). I have also been to restaurants twice while en femme.
To those of you who are afraid to try some of these things, I say, go for it. You don't know what you are missing! You only get once chance at life, so my advice is to get out there and have some fun.
Sharon Rose
. Such a wonderfull lady.