thought it was time I tried to say a little about my beginning to CD, which I guess started when I was about 12 years old. We had moved a couple of years earlier to quite a large house in the country, and one day, playing in a spare bedroom, I came across some satin panties in a wardrobe. They were quite flowery, and the feel of the satin, combined with the pattern and style made them like nothing I had ever seen before. I couldn't stop touching them, and, yes you can guess the next bit, before I new what I was doing, I had put tham on. Of course, they felt incredible on, so light and soft, and I began to get into the habit of dressing in them quite often over the next few years. One day some new bedroom furniture arrived, and the old wardrobe went, and so did the clothes I had found.
Being too young to either afford, or have the courage to buy any more lingerie of my own, I didn't dress for a few years. Then, as I hit my late teens, had a little money, I began to buy the odd item of lingerie, still terrified while I was doing it, but revelling in the sensation of wearing it once I was safe at home.
A few more years passed, and in my twenties I shared a house with a girl who (though I didn't realise it at the time) could pretty clearly see my CD tendancies. One day, I had been working away from home, and had come home with no clean clothes. Whilst I was fairly casually moaning about all the washing I had to do, my GG house mate casually offered to lend me her panties, if I had none clean. I blushed and (though I was desperate to accept) declined. Not to be put off, she said "oh well, I'll leave a pair in your room, in case you change your mind".
When I next went into my room, the laciest (and briefest!) pair of black satin knickers were sitting there on the bed. Of course, I put them on straight away, and that was really the moment that I trace back my CD beginnings to. My house mate and I went separate ways and lost touch, but she left something in me that began to build. Every few months I would dress, feel the most terrible guilt, throw out my clothes, and wish it would go away, then a few months later, there I was in the department store, buying lingerie, a little skirt, maybe trying to squeeze into the largest pair of high heels they had, but still finding them too small. Then the cycle would repeat.
Now into my third decade, I have at last learned to love who I am, even if I am still really shy about it. I have come to an acceptance, and now enjoy my CD time, as part of the balance of my life, rather than wishing it would go away and feeling guilty. My dressing comes and goes in cycles, sometimes I just can't stop and I dress every day, other times I might not do it for weeks on end, but I know it won't ever go away, and I don't want it too. If it wasn't part of me, what else might I also lose? My compassion for those who are different from the norm? My gentler quiet side? I don't know, but I know I'm basically happy with the deck I've been dealt, and really pleased to have found people to share it with. Oh, and it's been really great therapy writing this, thanks for reading.
hugs,
Katy-Jane
time in my life, and although we are very rarely together, somehow we are never too far apart either.