But just recently I became aware that I remember things from much younger than that.
When I was young, between say seven and eleven years old (I know this from where we lived), I remember going thru my mothers drawers on several occasions, touching her clothes, smelling them. I can almost remember the smell even now. I was fascinated by her girdle and I remember trying it on, as well as other things. I have no idea how often this occured beyond saying at least several.
Though in general my memory of childhood has been improving the last few years so I'm not shocked at remembering something lost. Its just this one feels more like it had been there all along, I just habitualy looked past it.
I just realized in writing this that, after the stolen nightgown period mentioned above, my crossdressing became much less active untill my mid twenties and much more fetishistic and sexual. Not really untill recently becomeing a matter of comfort and calm as maybe it was in the beginning.
I have always found it much easier to accept my dressing as just another kink than as something more general about me. It seems that in thinking about it now I may have retreated into that perspective when I purged that nightgown. And ironically I seemed to have mirrored the same thing in my marrage.
My wife knew of my dressing before we got married and was OK with it but veiwed it as pretty much just a sexual thing. I knew better, and had no reason not to explain more fully. But I never did. The result was I felt and acted just as secretive and alone, and every bit as inhibited. It took me five years, and my wife pushing me on the issue out of some gut level wisdom of hers, to accept myself enough to tell her my last secret, how I really felt about crossdressing.
Well I guess if you live long enough you are bound to get something right eventually. Even if it is late it's still better than never.
