Crossdressers-Haven.com

Until quite recently, if you had asked me when I started crossdressing I would have said sometime in my teens. I'm not really sure just when. I had stolen a nightgown, just a plain cotton nightgown from a nieghbors clothes-line. I kept it for several monthes. Sleeping in it for a few hours in the middle of the night occasionally as I recall, and eventually throwing it away in remorse.

But just recently I became aware that I remember things from much younger than that.

When I was young, between say seven and eleven years old (I know this from where we lived), I remember going thru my mothers drawers on several occasions, touching her clothes, smelling them. I can almost remember the smell even now. I was fascinated by her girdle and I remember trying it on, as well as other things. I have no idea how often this occured beyond saying at least several.

Though in general my memory of childhood has been improving the last few years so I'm not shocked at remembering something lost. Its just this one feels more like it had been there all along, I just habitualy looked past it.

I just realized in writing this that, after the stolen nightgown period mentioned above, my crossdressing became much less active untill my mid twenties and much more fetishistic and sexual. Not really untill recently becomeing a matter of comfort and calm as maybe it was in the beginning.

I have always found it much easier to accept my dressing as just another kink than as something more general about me. It seems that in thinking about it now I may have retreated into that perspective when I purged that nightgown. And ironically I seemed to have mirrored the same thing in my marrage.

My wife knew of my dressing before we got married and was OK with it but veiwed it as pretty much just a sexual thing. I knew better, and had no reason not to explain more fully. But I never did. The result was I felt and acted just as secretive and alone, and every bit as inhibited. It took me five years, and my wife pushing me on the issue out of some gut level wisdom of hers, to accept myself enough to tell her my last secret, how I really felt about crossdressing.

Well I guess if you live long enough you are bound to get something right eventually. Even if it is late it's still better than never.

Hi Suesin,

Your post brings up something I have not given to much thought about before.

We were probably cross-dressers from birth, and at what stage it revealed itself to our conscience seems to be described by most as the time we first dawned a piece of female clothing.

I believe it probably has something to do with why we felt it would be an acceptable option to do that, beyond simple curiosity.

I mean there had to be something with in us that made that an appealing thought. No?

Love Darlene.

Hi Suesin,
I remember things from my childhood that way also. After self reflection, memories just seem to pop in there. And you're right, I can almost smell the clothes from my mom's dresser drawers. Well, they do say that smell is the most closely related sense to memory.

Darlene, that's an interesting concept. Maybe one deserving its own thread. Kinda makes me wonder about genetics and the science behind the ol' DNA strand. I know there is work being done that links certain genes to homosexuality. I wonder if the same can be said of us? Hmmm...

Thanks for sharing with us Sue.
I'll stop babbling now.
Hugs,
Kyra

Thanks for sharing your beginnings with us Suesin.

Like you, one of my favourtie article of clothings are girdles and body shapers. I remember when I tried on my mom's girdle and how good it felt, that nice tight feeling.

Hope to see you around !

I wish I could remember my early childhood days Suesin.

I do remember some things, as they tend to stand out as accomplishments, or significant events, but most other things elude me.

Kyra, most of the testing I've read about is for discovering why we are transgendered, and the conclusions thusfare are that it is genetic maybe with hormone deficiencies/washes and/or nueron arrangements of the brain. The conclusions thus far have also suggested that homosexuality is a result of these things also.

Thanks for your replies everyone-

Darlene said-

I believe it probably has something to do with why we felt it would be an acceptable option to do that, beyond simple curiosity.

You have very nicely gotten to the heart of it. So often, when looking at or for "causes" for almost anything, not just cd'ing, things get all out of perspective. What makes each of us individuals is the accumulation of countless small choices made every day and each of those choices is often influenced by many small factors pushing in different directions. The final result unpredictable and dependent on no one thing.

Kyra said-

I remember things from my childhood that way also. After self reflection, memories just seem to pop in there.

DonnaT said-

I wish I could remember my early childhood days Suesin.

I do remember some things, as they tend to stand out as accomplishments, or significant events, but most other things elude me

Memory is a slippery thing. Donna I also have a fairly skimpy se;ection of childhood memories, and generally poor memory or perhaps sense of continuity for my adulthood as well. Thats why this memories feeling of having been there all along struck me.

I was a very heavy drinker for awhile, around a couple of decades. It's been 7 or 8 years now since I stopped using alcohol and the last couple of years my memories have seemed to be improving and increasing. Not just randomly but as things come up normally. Not drinking though is by no means the only psychologically relvent thing in my life that could be contributing.

Thanks - Suesin