Crossdressers-Haven.com

Hi y'all,
I started my cd lifestyle like many others at the early age of about 5 when I discovered panties in the hamper. Mom caught on very quickly and no longer put them where I could get to them. I remember doing the low crawl into my parents room while they were sleeping just to get underwear from the dresser. Then, the neighbors clothes line (yes, I go back that far) and even buying underwear sets as "gifts" and hiding them in my room. The urge never left, even when I was dating one of the most popular girls in high school. My actual desire was to be a cheerleader so I managed to relive someone of her skirt from a locker. I hid that at home also and loved to wear it when no one was around. Mom has avery small build so her clothes got too small very quickly and the damage I called told her I was still dressing. That still didn't stop the desire and then I left for college. Yes, it happened even there when I lifted a slip and some stiff from the girl I was taking out.
My first marriage didn't end because of the dressing but it sure didn't help things much. I snuck clothes and continued to dress when ever I was alone. Once my son left home and went to Germany to live with his aunt for a few months, my dressing became more frequent. Then, the divorce. My dressing stopped.
A few months later, I remarried and told my wife about the dressing. After a great deal of anxious times, she decided it was part of the person she loved and it would be. For fifteen years until her death, she supported me and even taught me much about how things should be done. Her only request was that I do not leave the security of the house while dressed. There was no problem with this because I was too afraid to anyway.
Now that I live alone and could dress full time, I find it to be more sporadic than before. Living in a very rural southern area, I am hesitant to go out much and have not been able to find any support group anywhere near me. I do occasionally go a little over a hundred miles to a party and drive over and back enfemme. The first time, I had indigestion all evening but after that, it wasn't such a big deal.
That's birth to present and, in my mind, it reads very much like every other person who started at age 5 or so. The facts may change slightly but we all seem to be in the same boat. Of course, some are row boats and others are cabin cruisers. :-s
I have gone through all the phases including confusion, fear that something was wrong with me, fear that I would be caught, analysts, and finally being totally content with who I am and how my life is going. I do feel concerned when thinking about the idea of another SO in my life. After all, who am I to think I could find two supportive women in one lifetime? We'll see. I'll be sure to let you know if that happens.
Thanks for listening.

Hey Josey,
That's a great post. I applaud you for going out dressed. The party you mentioned, was it for CD's?

Hugs,
Kyra

Hi Josey,

I'm really sorry about the loss of your wife.

I am with Kyra. I think this was a wonderful post. Open, honest, and direct.

I'm glad you get to dress when you like. I'm sorry it's sporadic, if you'd like it to be more often. For some reason there is something important about going outside and being with others. I hope you can one day find someone or somewhere you can visit to go out dressed.

Your post really got me thinking about a lot.

Thanks for sharing your story Josey.

Beauty

Hi all,

Great post, Josey! Your "snake-in-the-bedroom" routine had me laughing out loud... I've been there (and always had the rug burns to prove it! ).

I hear you about finding a supportive SO; I'm also in a holding pattern at the moment--and my arms are getting tired. Keep your chin up, though. As my friends here often remind me, just be who you are... there's someone for everyone out there and, sooner or later, you'll find each other.

Love,
CJ

Hi y'all,
Thanks for the wonderful replies. It truly is so wonderful to share with others.
Kyra, the first party I went to was actually at my daughters and was for Halloween. I went figuring I could get away on that day. When I got there, I realized that even unmasked, almost no one recognized me. I was actually passing (as long as I kept my mouth shut!). After that, I went to two other parties enfemme and, even though there were numerous persons who knew me, no one except those I wanted to know even realized this fat middle aged lady was me. I was amazed. It was then that I started thinking that to pass we don't need to look like the model or actress on TV. Most GG's don't but we don't question them. All we have to do is look like a normal GG and go on like all is just perfectly normal. It works, at least at parties. Maybe the consumption of alcohol on the part of others helps!

Beauty, Thank you for the comments about my wife. I will always miss her but after almost three years, I am finally recovering. I would love to find someone nearby who I could share with but, in this area, I'm sure that no one would admit it. Maybe some day. As for going out more, I need more confidence and that will come as I lose more weight. I'm working on that problem very hard.

CJ, I love your comment about the snake. I never thought of it in those terms. That was great. As for a new SO, if it is to come, it will. If not, I had the honor of a very wonderful one for a few years of my life so I am richer than many. As for the holding pattern, my arms are getting tired too and I really don't like the muscles I am getting in my arms, so unfeminine!

Hi Josey,



Love,
CJ