Crossdressers-Haven.com

From as far back as I can remember, I admired girls' things, imitated their pretty handwriting, and brushed my hair back from my face like a girl would. I pretended to be a boy, though, even when I would daydream about being a girl.

I was in college before it dawned on me who I was inside, and that slipping on my girlfriends' bras was not just a kinky habit, but a deep expression of who I am.

Many of you have probably had similar "dawnings", and I would love to hear them. Here is my own little story....


I spent most of my high school and college years showing everyone that I was a good stud, but as I look back, my successive girlfriends nurtured my femme side more and more.

In my sophomore year abroad, I had met a Norwegian girl and after a passionate summer I had to return to the US. Her best friend was an airline attendant who flew to my city, and when she was in town we'd have dinner and she brought gifts and gossip from my gf.

Inger shared an apartment with other Scandanavian flight attendants, and on Midsummer Night, Inger invited me to join them for a traditional celebration. The most stunningly beautiful girl dressed in white with a crown of candles, and we went around the neighborhood (a very hip artists area) visiting friends, singing and bringing food treats.

My roll was to carry a tray of food, and they dressed me in pantyhose and a tunic. I was in bliss, in pantyhose surrounded by pretty girls! When we got back to the apartment, I stayed in the pantyhose all day, and I remember so distinctly feeling like one of the girls.

Oh, and the girls were coming and going, crossing in front of me to go to the bathroom to dress, or change clothes, or tinkle. I felt so comfy and warm in my pantyhose, and so soft and feminine to be in that house! I became a frequent visitor, and, as I look back, although I told myself that I was there to dig on the sexy women, but really I was there because I felt like one of them!

I would mark those months as when it really began to dawn on me that I i dentified with the girl inside more than the guy in jeans and boots.
I began to collect some feminine things to wear, starting with pantyhose! My g/f and I grew apart, and I didn't date for a while, but I was very busy in the closet, and continued to visit the girls, now dressed in panties and some of my unisex clothes.--I'm sure many of you understand.

The next girl I met and dated was pretty and frilly and her look sent shivers through me. When she took me home to her place, she flipped me on my back, kissed my nipples, and set things right. When I told her that night that I'd been dressing, she laughted and said she'd pegged me for a girl from the moment she saw me! Like it or not, Chrissie had appeared~


xoxo Chrissie

So far as I can remember, its down to noticing a girl in 1st or 2nd grade. She lived a couple of houses from me. I knew other girls for sure, but payed them no never mind.

What I noticed about her, however, were the dresses she wore and how she sat at her desk. She used to sit with her heels propped up against the desk legs, toes on the floor.

When my friends and I played Army, I hid near her basement and saw that she had dressed her brother up. I didn't know why, but I wished it were me.

So, although I didn't start dressing until I was around 10~12, I had the inklings at around 6~7.

When I was 7 or 8, right after WWII when there still wasn't a lot of money to go around and neighbor ladies all worked together making wedding dresses, bridesmaids, etc. I was "called on" to model a flower girl's dress and can still remember the feeling of bliss I had coupled with the "ohhh'' and "ahhh's" of the seamstresses and one comment--"he's too pretty to be a boy."

From there it gradually grew to where I am now...sitting here in panties and bra, with my toenails and fingernails painted and makeup--all under male guise and outer attire.

BTW, been wearing makeup for several weeks and no one notices--might be my age and what I'm using--foundation, blush, mascara, a touch of eyeliner on the bottom lid at the outside end and a natural shade of lipstick...hooked? I guess so!

DonnaT wrote:So far as I can remember, its down to noticing a girl in 1st or 2nd grade.

What I noticed about her, however, were the dresses she wore and how she sat at her desk.
So, although I didn't start dressing until I was around 10~12, I had the inklings at around 6~7.

I had so many crushes then, and yes, the first strong feelings came then, and a big desire to imitate girls, how they wrote, how they sat, how they spoke and laughed. Quite hopeless, and destined to be girly.

chrissie

Chrissie your post brought back lots of fond memories for me. I was raised Swedish Lutheran and we had the same midsummer festival as you described although it came at midwinter and was called the festival of lights. And one lucky girl got to be Santa Lucia and wore the white dress with a red sash and the candles in her hair. It rivaled Christmas and Easter in importance in terms of church ritual if not meaning, and I was in my early teens before I realized not everyone celebrated Santa Lucia.

When I was older I found out what the candles and sash symbolized: red for blood and the candles symbolizing wax poured into the girls eye sockets after her eyes were gouged out but before she was burned alive as a sacrifice. Back when the Swedes and Norwegians were Vikings they could be very unpleasant people. But back then my parents told me the modern sanitized version which I think has truth also- red for blood symbolizing life and candles for light during the long dark Scandinavian winter.

Thanks

Absaroka

Absaroka wrote:
Back when the Swedes and Norwegians were Vikings they could be very unpleasant people. But back then my parents told me the modern sanitized version which I think has truth also- red for blood symbolizing life and candles for light during the long dark Scandinavian winter.

Thanks

Absaroka

Santa Lucia was SO beautiful! Large, rounded red cheeks and brilliant eyes, flowing white with candles!......and what do the pantyhose symbolize?

btw, you're correct...it was in the dead of winter, not midsummer.

chrissie

Since they hadn't invented pantyhose yet when I was a kid I have no idea what it signifies now.

Absaroka

I started young and stuck with it, lucky that in my time the distinctions were blurred - the whole "are you a boy or are you a girl?" subculture. When I was an undergrad I hung out with the theater people, who didn't care or encouraged it.

I remember well my first time, I was about 4 or 5. Mom and I were at grandma's house and I got caught playing with my aunts make-up upstairs. I don't remember having any clue as far as gender goes, for me it was fun and felt natural. A side from the fact I was corrected for getting into other peoples things, I learned this was inappropriate for a little boy. I did my best to "conform" but the feelings I had never left me, and as a teen I would try on mom's things. I went to great lengths to keep this side of me hidden. Years later after confiding in my wife, I found myself divorced. I reconnected with my current SO after some 30 years of being apart. I managed to get the courage up and told her about my dressing. To my surprise she was very understanding and has been a great source of support and encouragement for me. She said it explained a few things from those 30 years earlier when we seperated. It seems I over compensated being a regular kind of guy while trying to hide my secret!

Renee D wrote: I managed to get the courage up and told her about my dressing. To my surprise she was very understanding and has been a great source of support and encouragement for me. She said it explained a few things from those 30 years earlier when we seperated. It seems I over compensated being a regular kind of guy while trying to hide my secret!

You are so lucky to understand that, and that your SO loved that side of you, even when you might not have!

Chrissie