A Different Approach
Posted: Sun Mar 23, 2008 12:36 am
I didn’t know where to post this, so if it’s not in the right spot move it.
This is the first time I’ve actually sat down and wrote anything on the subject of what I do. It really has been hard. It seemed that with each sentence I had to break down my thoughts and rearrange them into words, ejecting the hard-to-explain into something comprehensible. However, crossdressing in all its forms, by anyone, is not the easiest thing to convey.
—
I’m 62 and started crossdressing when I was six, but didn’t become habitually serious until somewhere around 13. It was always sexually motivated surrounded by fetishism and gratification. This went on into my thirties when it took an unusual twist.
By that time the sexual fulfilment wasn’t as intense as a teenager, but still within its own level. I had begun, at times, to appreciate the clothing I was wearing without the clothing being a sexual object by itself. I found this overall to be more pleasurable in many ways, and made the decision that I wanted to change my behavior and pursue a new direction. I came to the conclusion that before I could go anywhere, I would have to stop engaging in any physical stimulation while wearing women’s clothes, which was the primary barrier toward progress. This part wasn’t hard, but defeating the arousal was very difficult and took several years. Indeed, I did overcome and actually “cured” myself of the tendencies of eroticism. Of course, the fetish aspect would always remain, but it was a matter of interrupting the circuit and disabling the automatic reaction. With time, it became easier until there was no effort involved and eventually stopped registering to where it no longer existed. And, after all, I’m not gay, and any turn-on I had could be directed toward the female rather than within myself to be acted out.
When I was approaching my forties, I was truly experiencing a sense of liberation, not only by the lifting of a heavy weight, but a new kind of freedom where I could boldly explore all kinds of possibilities. The first step was to evaluate my feminine side and see exactly where it weighed on the scale, then determine just how much influence it would apply. To do this, I would have to commence with a total male-to-female transformation to the best of my ability, then adjust and subtract to where I would reach a common ground with myself and be able to say, “This is me, who I am and what I want.” And, too, I had never taken things this far and felt it would be foolish to think that I had never tried.
It was fun to a certain extent and gave me the chance to experience the complete female effect, but after a few times it didn’t take long to conceive this wasn’t what I was after. I wanted something more, which actually would place me in touch and eventually hit upon a sweet-spot. I began a process of eliminating the things I felt were not relevant. The wig and make-up were the first to go. The next issue to follow was the brassiere and breast forms. From a visual standpoint, having something on the chest fills out the garment, and along with the hips, produces shape that reduces the appearance of waist size. Without it, the size of the waist can be seen more, but considering my natural chest size and broad shoulders, I discovered that looser clothing draping down overcame that. Instead of allowing the bodice to run contiguous at the belt line I gave it more room for a blousey overhang. In truth, that part wasn’t hard to dismiss either, since it was only for a brief period of experimenting had I ever worn one.
After the elimination of those two areas I felt I was close to where I wanted to be. I became more conscious of what I was wearing, but since my upper body was projecting a masculine appearance, it would play a role in what I looked best in. However, from the waist down I had two things going for me, my legs and a well-shaped rear. I worked for several years trying to find the right style and finally hit on two outfits that worked.
First, 2-piece tailored suits much like those worn from the late ‘40s through the ‘50s. Second, shirtwaist dresses with a full or pleated skirt. I had already made dressing very simplistic. It was only a matter of putting on the outfit, half-slip, hosiery and shoes. I never did wear underpants for the comfort and feel of the clothing draping the body. I do dress slightly different depending on which of the two I’m wearing. For the suits I enjoy the vintage look of full-fashioned, seamed stockings with Cuban heels, and sometimes peep-toed sling-backs. Also, wear the older style garter belt of that period. With my dresses, I wear light support thigh-highs and regular pumps. On dresses with the fullest skirts, I like to wear a soft chiffon petticoat and flats for a look similar to that of the early ‘60s. This comes from fond memories of my rock ‘n roll highschool days. Of course I have several variations of the two outfits, but the main thing is not to look like a woman, only to capture the effect of those styles and still project a masculine image. Ironically, when I stand before a mirror and adjust my clothes I don’t feel all that feminine, just highly sophisticated. Though the concept may be uncommon, the rare few who practice this have the same frame of mind that is not uncommon. That is, we feel as though we’re two centuries ahead waiting for the rest of the world to catch up.
I finally had to face-up to the question, is what I’m doing more of a fashion statement compared to crossdressing? Well, yes it is, but I also have to consider the roots. Whatever the case may be, I had reached a point where I could manipulate and shape things directly expressing how I feel about myself without sacrificing one thing for another. Thus, I’ve named my approach, “The 50/50 Style.”
And, that is my story.
Vincent
This is the first time I’ve actually sat down and wrote anything on the subject of what I do. It really has been hard. It seemed that with each sentence I had to break down my thoughts and rearrange them into words, ejecting the hard-to-explain into something comprehensible. However, crossdressing in all its forms, by anyone, is not the easiest thing to convey.
—
I’m 62 and started crossdressing when I was six, but didn’t become habitually serious until somewhere around 13. It was always sexually motivated surrounded by fetishism and gratification. This went on into my thirties when it took an unusual twist.
By that time the sexual fulfilment wasn’t as intense as a teenager, but still within its own level. I had begun, at times, to appreciate the clothing I was wearing without the clothing being a sexual object by itself. I found this overall to be more pleasurable in many ways, and made the decision that I wanted to change my behavior and pursue a new direction. I came to the conclusion that before I could go anywhere, I would have to stop engaging in any physical stimulation while wearing women’s clothes, which was the primary barrier toward progress. This part wasn’t hard, but defeating the arousal was very difficult and took several years. Indeed, I did overcome and actually “cured” myself of the tendencies of eroticism. Of course, the fetish aspect would always remain, but it was a matter of interrupting the circuit and disabling the automatic reaction. With time, it became easier until there was no effort involved and eventually stopped registering to where it no longer existed. And, after all, I’m not gay, and any turn-on I had could be directed toward the female rather than within myself to be acted out.
When I was approaching my forties, I was truly experiencing a sense of liberation, not only by the lifting of a heavy weight, but a new kind of freedom where I could boldly explore all kinds of possibilities. The first step was to evaluate my feminine side and see exactly where it weighed on the scale, then determine just how much influence it would apply. To do this, I would have to commence with a total male-to-female transformation to the best of my ability, then adjust and subtract to where I would reach a common ground with myself and be able to say, “This is me, who I am and what I want.” And, too, I had never taken things this far and felt it would be foolish to think that I had never tried.
It was fun to a certain extent and gave me the chance to experience the complete female effect, but after a few times it didn’t take long to conceive this wasn’t what I was after. I wanted something more, which actually would place me in touch and eventually hit upon a sweet-spot. I began a process of eliminating the things I felt were not relevant. The wig and make-up were the first to go. The next issue to follow was the brassiere and breast forms. From a visual standpoint, having something on the chest fills out the garment, and along with the hips, produces shape that reduces the appearance of waist size. Without it, the size of the waist can be seen more, but considering my natural chest size and broad shoulders, I discovered that looser clothing draping down overcame that. Instead of allowing the bodice to run contiguous at the belt line I gave it more room for a blousey overhang. In truth, that part wasn’t hard to dismiss either, since it was only for a brief period of experimenting had I ever worn one.
After the elimination of those two areas I felt I was close to where I wanted to be. I became more conscious of what I was wearing, but since my upper body was projecting a masculine appearance, it would play a role in what I looked best in. However, from the waist down I had two things going for me, my legs and a well-shaped rear. I worked for several years trying to find the right style and finally hit on two outfits that worked.
First, 2-piece tailored suits much like those worn from the late ‘40s through the ‘50s. Second, shirtwaist dresses with a full or pleated skirt. I had already made dressing very simplistic. It was only a matter of putting on the outfit, half-slip, hosiery and shoes. I never did wear underpants for the comfort and feel of the clothing draping the body. I do dress slightly different depending on which of the two I’m wearing. For the suits I enjoy the vintage look of full-fashioned, seamed stockings with Cuban heels, and sometimes peep-toed sling-backs. Also, wear the older style garter belt of that period. With my dresses, I wear light support thigh-highs and regular pumps. On dresses with the fullest skirts, I like to wear a soft chiffon petticoat and flats for a look similar to that of the early ‘60s. This comes from fond memories of my rock ‘n roll highschool days. Of course I have several variations of the two outfits, but the main thing is not to look like a woman, only to capture the effect of those styles and still project a masculine image. Ironically, when I stand before a mirror and adjust my clothes I don’t feel all that feminine, just highly sophisticated. Though the concept may be uncommon, the rare few who practice this have the same frame of mind that is not uncommon. That is, we feel as though we’re two centuries ahead waiting for the rest of the world to catch up.
I finally had to face-up to the question, is what I’m doing more of a fashion statement compared to crossdressing? Well, yes it is, but I also have to consider the roots. Whatever the case may be, I had reached a point where I could manipulate and shape things directly expressing how I feel about myself without sacrificing one thing for another. Thus, I’ve named my approach, “The 50/50 Style.”
And, that is my story.
Vincent
