Question of Clothing

[Stephanie W]

Dear GG

A Question of Clothing.

How many of you ladies are conscious (or even care) what kind of image you want to convey (at work, shopping or wherever) when you get dressed on any given day? From a male perspective, we know that what a woman is wearing can make her appear extremely attractive and sexy or downright dowdy (as well as everything in between of course). Such is the power of clothes which I'm sure you ladies know only too well. I'm sure the average guy pays little attention to his (albeit limited) sartorial choices regardless - unless, for example, he's going for a job interview.

So are you conscious of projecting a particular image when you dress in the morning or do you just throw on whatever happens to be hanging in the closet? Or might your choices be based upon wanting to feel sexy or does that even factor in to your decision? Have you ever dressed 'down' to deflect attention from a friend, co-worker or would-be admirer?

As a CD, I'm not able to dress as regularly as I would like, so when I do, I prefer to wear something pretty and feminine (usually a skirt or dress) but in a style appropriate for where I might be going. (Yes I know, the consummate girly girl! ) I'm sure if I was dressing 24/7, then I might be wearing jeans or pants a lot more than I do in femme mode. As boy mode affords me little choice 'other' than pants, I guess a totally different look is my motivation.

When I'm going out for an evening, I might choose something sexy that I would definitely find attractive on a gg. However, my motive for dressing that way is more for selfish reasons - I dress to make ME feel good (sexy). While my outfit might be considered attractive to men, that is just not what motivates me, as it might for a gg. So in a roundabout way, how important are your clothing choices and how/why do you make them? Hope that makes sense!

Your expert opinion is welcome.

Stephanie

[Georgia(SO)]

Stephanie W asked

So are you conscious of projecting a particular image when you dress in the morning or do you just throw on whatever happens to be hanging in the closet? Or might your choices be based upon wanting to feel sexy or does that even factor in to your decision? Have you ever dressed 'down' to deflect attention from a friend, co-worker or would-be admirer?

It all depends on what my plans for the day are. Yes, I sometimes dress for the effect on others, or on myself (i.e. to feel pretty). I prefer to call it "looking nice". Dressed down? Well, everyone knows you don't outdress the bride at her own wedding... and I suppose that I do sometimes dress down to allow someone else to dress up. Because I work from home, I sometimes find that I've gotten too casual in my approach to work and I will dress up completely, as if I were going to an office building somewhere, just to get myself back into a more professional mind set.

Interestingly, if my guy wanted to go out dressed with me, I believe that I would probably instictively dress down, as it would be really rude to outdress him on his night out. Go figure...

-g(so)

[CJ]

Hi all,

Hmmm... that's interesting, Georgia, what you said about your instinctively possibly dressing down on your guy's night out. In light of what you've said in the past regarding the (irrational) jealousy you sometimes feel when you think of him as "the other woman" in the relationship (and you're far from being the only SO who's ever felt this), I wonder if you're not artificially holding yourself back on such nights in order to take some more or less illusory "competition" out of the equation. Is that possible? Would you feel any different (re: jealousy) if your guy encouraged you to also just have fun, dress up, and run with it like two girlfriends would?

Just thinking out loud here.

By the way, thanks again, all, for the input. Marie looked at many of the responses and she feels that "yeah... maybe" my hair length is good for me, after all. I can't wait for my own hair to be even longer than it is. I found a photo of myself, my dad, and my ex-GF, from the mid-90's when my hair was down to the middle of my back. What a difference it makes. Maybe I sort of look like the ex-hippie I imagine Georgia's DH looks like.

I'm also getting into the habit of doing those little calf extensions and crunches as you all suggested. My "standing around" has more to do with slaving over a hot stove all day. Just kidding. Sort of. When I am, indeed, preparing a meal for Marie and myself, I tend to not move too much to one side or the other of the kitchen counter; there is, in fact, a small amount of just "standing around." Maybe I need to clue in that 3" heels aren't required for the peeling of potatoes and the grating of carrots.

Love,
CJ

[Georgia(SO)]

CJ,

Ya know, I have always found that 3" take-no-prisoners-heels are absolutely mandatory to the proper peeling of potatoes!

RE: Dressing down to not compete with my guy. This was me being theoretical, since he doesn't care for me to see him fully gussied up. I just know myself, and I know that, should that situation arise, I would, in fact, dress down so as not to outdress him on his night out.

And does this contribute to the jealousy of that unnamed mythical woman that lives in his soul? Probably. None of this is going to make a lot of sense, of course, because it is pure emotion, but here goes. See, when ya'll dress up, the whole thing is fantasy. You get away with clothes and styles and looks that most gg's can't pull off, solely because the whole thing *is* fantasy. I said to my guy one time, "I used to wear things like that (when I was 18!), but I would look ridiculous in it now." He said, "I DO look ridiculous, unless you happen to be into this."

So the jealousy is over this fantasy woman that I can never achieve. The one who gets to doll up in clothes that would get me laughed out of any place I tried to walk into (because, face it, I'm not walking into the same places you are, and even in those places, ya'll expect gg's to look like reasonably attractive gg's - not 50 year old women stuffed into 15 year old clothes!). This fantasy woman gets to play dress up, without the other stuff that comes with being a woman. Like what, you say? Like instinctively knowing that it would be rude to outdress your sweetie's femme side on the rare occasion that she got to go out. And the jealousy, at least some of it, is over this woman who comes in and steals my thunder that way. She looks good in things I can't look good in anymore because she IS fantasy and I am reality. Reality is never as cute or as free as fantasy....

I told you it wasn't going to make a lot of sense!

-g

[CJ]

Heh. Georgia, it makes perfect sense! In fact, even as I was writing the post above about "dressing down," I knew that, if I were ever in your hypothetical shoes, I would instinctively do the same. Couples are like that, aren't they? They make lightning together but they sometimes have to take care not to steal each other's thunder too often.

Love,
CJ

[SilverLady(SO)]

Stephanie W asked:

So are you conscious of projecting a particular image when you dress in the morning or do you just throw on whatever happens to be hanging in the closet? Or might your choices be based upon wanting to feel sexy or does that even factor in to your decision? Have you ever dressed 'down' to deflect attention from a friend, co-worker or would-be admirer?

I don’t normally “just throw on…” clothes, unless I am planning on doing ‘grunt’ work that day (read: plumbing, sanding, painting, etc.), in which case I’m not particular about what I wear, so long as they’re ‘grubby clothes.’

I am not conscious of projecting any particular image when I dress on a day-to-day basis (outside of special occasions), as I always dress to please myself first, others second. Whether my outer clothes always portray it or not, the underclothes always make me feel sexy, and they are purchased for that reason. Take today for example. I had planned on doing laundry and other basic household chores, but I am wearing a powder blue bra trimmed with lace and matching panties. My outer clothes are jean shorts and a navy blue t-shirt - - the underclothes matched, color-wise, to the outer clothes, which I always coordinate. Even though I was doing housework today, I still felt sexy.

On most days, however, my outer clothes do portray that I’m feeling sexy, especially in the past few months when I’ve been coming to understand the new ‘me.’ My attitude towards myself, and life in general, has changed towards the better. As I’m feeling more confident in my attitude (the hair style really has affected that attitude), so do the clothes I’m wearing project that image on a regular basis. I feel sexier on a daily basis, and my clothes reflect that image. As a very good friend so recently told me, my style of clothes was ‘casually elegant’. I dress with a lean towards being sexy in a subtle way, and some days are not quite so subtle!

Have I ever ‘dressed down to deflect attention’ for whatever reason? No, but there is only one exception - - like Georgia stated, you never outdress the bride. I am who I am. I dress the way I do for me, sometimes for the man (or possibly the CD) I’ll be with - to coordinate outfits, for example, without ‘outdressing’ my companion. If I needed to deflect attention from a would-be admirer, I’m more apt to tell that person I’m not interested, and the clothes I’d be wearing would not make a difference in how I would be telling that would-be admirer ‘not interested, thanks but no thanks.’

[Stephanie W]

Thanks Georgia and SL for your informative responses to my clothing question. (btw, perhaps the idea of separating the questions into categories might not be such a bad idea).

Anyway, it was interesting you both mentioned not wanting to out dress a bride. Never even crossed my mind when I was writing my question but good point though.

Georgia said:

Interestingly, if my guy wanted to go out dressed with me, I believe that I would probably instictively dress down, as it would be really rude to outdress him on his night out. Go figure...

Georgia, that's a really thoughtful thing to say but I would never dream of suggesting my SO do that for me, least of all expect it. If we were going out and she wanted to dress up, I would have no problem with that at all and certainly wouldn't consider it rude. On the contrary, if she did offer to dress down for me, I wouldn't hear of it. I hope I wouldn't be the only one here who would say that? Let's face it, I know I could never outshine her anyway so it would be a moot point. As long as we're both comfortable with our outfits, that's all that matters.

Georgia said:

Because I work from home, I sometimes find that I've gotten too casual in my approach to work and I will dress up completely, as if I were going to an office building somewhere, just to get myself back into a more professional mind set.

That's really interesting. It just proves how amazingly powerful clothes can be in affecting our emotional state of mind.

SL said:

On most days, however, my outer clothes do portray that I’m feeling sexy, especially in the past few months when I’ve been coming to understand the new ‘me.’ My attitude towards myself, and life in general, has changed towards the better.

Good for you SL. Another good example of what I said to Georgia. Whether it's to restore a professional mindset or boost your confidence, or just to feel sexy under a drab exterior, it's nice to be able achieve your desired results simply by opening a closet or drawer.

Stephanie

[DonnaT]

Georgia said:

Interestingly, if my guy wanted to go out dressed with me, I believe that I would probably instictively dress down, as it would be really rude to outdress him on his night out. Go figure...

Georgia, that's a really thoughtful thing to say but I would never dream of suggesting my SO do that for me, least of all expect it. If we were going out and she wanted to dress up, I would have no problem with that at all and certainly wouldn't consider it rude. On the contrary, if she did offer to dress down for me, I wouldn't hear of it. I hope I wouldn't be the only one here who would say that? Let's face it, I know I could never outshine her anyway so it would be a moot point. As long as we're both comfortable with our outfits, that's all that matters.

Interestingly enough, my wife has insisted that she's not going to get all dressed up this Saturday, saying that the party is 'your thing'. She's been quite hands on with how I'm going to look, however. Nothing I can do to change her mind, I guarantee.

[SilverLady(SO)]

Donna said:

Interestingly enough, my wife has insisted that she's not going to get all dressed up this Saturday, saying that the party is 'your thing'. She's been quite hands on with how I'm going to look, however. Nothing I can do to change her mind, I guarantee.

Well, Donna, if I were your wife, I would want to dress up the same as you on Saturday. To me, that would be a formal evening out, meaning dressing up is expected, and encouraged. I would want us to be equally well-dressed for the occasion, and have a great time doing so!

Enjoy your TGEA ball on Saturday - with your newly pierced ears, too!

[Marlena Dahlstrom]

Much as I appreciate the desire "not to outdress the bride" I certainly hope that if I had an SO, she wouldn't feel constrained that way. I'd rather we both have a chance to get glammed up (assuming she's interested in doing so).

Georgia, I can understand your frustration about not being able to be the fantasy woman. If it's any consolation different CDs have different styles of dressing. I'd be mortified to dress like Britany Spears, even if I wasn't leaving the house. While yes, I do have some out-and-out fantasy wear, the vast majority of my wardrobe is something a stylish, contemporary woman of my age would wear.

SilverLady, it's interesting you mentioned how your new hairstyle has affected your attitude. I've always thought a good analogy to how I feel with dressed is those episodes of "What Not to Wear" -- where a lot of the participants end up saying that although it may seem superficial the makeover really did boost their confidence. They suddenly felt pretty and witty and bright. Likewise, I was interested in your mention about wearing sexy underclothes regardless of what your wearing outside. I'm not into underdressing myself, but I suspect the appeal is similar for those who are.

[Loretta Ann]

Interesting conversation... you all,

I would think the way one dresses is probably an indication of how one feels inside. A representation of that if you will.

I like to dress in clothes that correspond to what is going on inside of me, as opposed to how others might feel about the way I am dressed. In fact that is probably what I enjoy most about cross dressing. It provides me with a much better selection.

Gosh as cross dressers we could be in quite a mixed up place "if we let how others would feel about out dressing someone" control us.

[Stephanie H]

When dressing, I always try to project a nice image of being femine. I do not subscribe to the dress code of jeans and pull over tea shirts. I usually wear a skirt, matching blouse, and matching bag and shoes.
I am very aware of my image an the image that I desire to project.