A weekend in the big smoke.

[Sally]

A few times a year I venture down to the city for a weekend on the town. Last Friday morning I started off on the 7 hour drive down to my old home town, Melbourne, which is a city of around 3.6m people, at the southern end of the Eastern side of Australia.

I arrived in the afternoon at my sisters home just as my neices were coming home from high school. It's always a joy to visit with them as they are a family of open minded accepting people. After dinner that night I then rang the people who I was going to share the weekend with and made arrangements for Saturday and Sunday. Saturday was going to be a day at the football with two fellows who I will be ever indebted to, as back in our uni days when my life was so low due to trying to cope with studies and gender issues, these two were a rock of support for me and ever since we have remained very close friends. Saturday evening was going to be a night with 3 long time friends, 1 a post op, one a pre op and one a CD.

Late on Saturday morning I was picked up by my two friends, who for ease of reference and identification we shall call Bill and Bob. We drove to a small cafe for lunch, where we could have a good chat and catch up on all the news since we last met. For our day out I had dressed in a white front button blouse, blue jeans, black leather 2 inch heeled ankle boots and a three quarter length cream leather coat with a rabbit fur collar, which was my defence against the Melbourne winter weather. It's so enjoyable to spend time with ' Bill and Bob ', over the years nothings ever changed between us. if anything our bond of friendship has grown stronger with time. I must confess to playing up a bit of them though. I always stand and wait for them to open doors for me, including car doors and to hold my chair out from the table etc. They roll their eyes in typical male fashion at all this, but I always tell them that as they have to do it for their wives then they have to for me as well, but we all get a giggle out of it, which is the main thing.

After lunch we set off for the football which turned out to be a disaster for me as my team were absolutely flogged, but it was a nice afternoon with nice friends and all too soon came to an end. After the football we dropped into a lounge bar of a hotel for a drink and final chat before they dropped me back at my sisters. I always feel a sense of loss when those two leave me as they mean so much to me, I feel I may well owe them my life as back in the early days I was so close to the edge so many times, but every time they lifted me back. They give me a special feeling as they truly treat me as a female without ever trying to hit on me, it is a special plutonic deep friendship.

That evening, around 7pm I set off in a taxi for Lisa's place. Lisa is a stunning 50's something post op and she was the person instrumental for bringing me out of my depression and bringing me publicly, she turned my life around years ago with the assistance of June who is now pre op and Cassy who is a CD. When I arrived, the three of them were all waiting for me and after a noisy greeting of hugs and kisses we set off to the seafood restaurant for dinner. Some two hours or more later we then decided that the night on the town would be at a dance party for over 28's, which the others said was a safe venue and a real hoot. We prefer to go to 'straight' venues rather than Gay clubs etc. For our night out I had dressed in a lilac crew neck top with a little jacket and a floral print A line double layered silk skirt and 3 inch high heels.

On admission to the dance party we were greeted with a complimentary glass of champagne ( which would have doubled for vinegar lol ) from the management. There was a good happy noisy crowd in attendance and the DJ certainly was playing great music from the 60's, 70's and 80's. We danced and generally had a wonderful time intermingled with a drink or two. We had been there for a couple of hours when a woman, who would have been 40 something approached Cass and to cut a long story short, she was very apologetic and seemingly embarrassed to some degree but it was obvious she was trying to find the right words to ask a very pointed question. Cass being Cass helped her out of the situation and informed the woman she (Cass) was indeed what the woman was trying to find the right words for.

If I may diverge from my tale for a moment on this point. It's at this stage I have seen so many of us make a complete hash of the situation by coming out with smart remarks etc. I always tell people that if we are approached by a member of the public who obviously has an interest in us, then it's up to us to treat that person with all the respect and dignity they deserve, until the situation eventuates to where a different approach is warranted. Most people find approaching us is just as difficult for them as it is for some of us and if we are to educate people to the fact that we are normal intelligent everyday people like everyone else, then it is up to us to respond in a manner which in turn demands respect from others, and this is how we made the situation develop.

At this point Lisa jumped in and told the woman that indeed all 3 of us were as she suspected, which seemed to take her back to some degree. Lisa then invited the woman to join us, have a drink and a chat about it and ask any questions she wanted to. After some time the woman became quite friendly and at ease with us and the situation, she explained that she was with 4 other women who were having a night out for one of them, a divorcee who was to be married next weekend for the second time. We invited her to go get her friends and to all join us for a dance as we could see them all looking eagerly and wondering what was happening. For the next hour or so the eight of us all got to know each other, we danced, laughed and generally had a wow of a time together. At one stage the DJ was playing one of Trini Lopez's great hits, Kansas City, Lisa, myself and the other 6 started off a stompin conga line which grew into the line twisting round the place several times, it just never seemed to end, it was such a hoot. It was a wonderful night had by all, with no problems for any of us. Other than the one woman, there was no evidence anyone else read any of us at all, and that probably only happened because, sometimes Cass, after a few drinks lets her guard down, which is only natural as she lives mainly in male mode, although in my heart I know her journey has quite a way to go yet.

In the small wee hours of the morning we all said our goodnights and went our separate ways. In the taxi on the way back to my sisters I mulled over the night and thought how we can make our life something wonderful if we are able to find the right path out into the sunshine. Sometimes I reflect back on the dark days and realise how far I've come and how, what and who turned my life around. Although I will never reach the final destination I have desired, to be able to enjoy the freedoms I now have is a testament to what can be achieved, no matter how hopeless it all may seem at times. I found it just took the right people to open the door for me but as they said back then, I had to walk through it myself, no one could do it for me. I fell into bed that night completely at ease with the world, thinking how lucky I am.

Sunday I took my neices to McDonalds for lunch, (yuk), I never eat their food but I do have a weakness for their milk shakes, they're yummyyyyy. Later Sunday afternoon, I went back to Lisa's place. She had several people over for the afternoon and we chatted for ages about everything from fashion to recipes to the up coming federal election and who would or wouldn't do anything for the TG community, but politicians are all the same, unless you keep on their wheel constantly they promise the world but deliver little, although we have made great progress here over the years getting legislation in, which protects us and our families in the work place and socially from any type of discrimination, but there's a lot more to be done yet.

Well to cut it short, Monday morning I set off on the long seven hour drive home, arriving early afternoon. It was a wonderful memorable weekend but it was wonderful to get home to my wife and daughter. My wife never goes on these outings with me anymore. She is such a wonderful person, she virtually pushes me out the door from time to time when she feels it's time for me to satisfy the need which grows for letting Sally free to be herself. She just says to me, the time is right, you need to go, she knows me better than I know myself. As I've said before, we have found the common ground where we can balance our lives, satisfy my needs within my wife's comfort zone and keep our family together. If I fully transitioned then we both know, in all liklihood we would not be able to keep it all together, it rarely happens.

Well, I'd better wind this up, there is much more I could say about the weekend but I've gone on long enough giving the broad outline of it all. I wish more people could experience what I have, but peoples situations are different. I can look forward to repeating it all before Christmas, I guess if I did it more often then it would lose a lot of that wonderful exciting buzz it gives me. Although I am virtually full time there is something special about getting out all dressed up to the nines and letting it all go, it's not just the clothes though, it's the feeling of being out there and people treating me as my true self.

Kind Regards to all.

Sally.

[Virginia]

Wonderful story Sally, I know you had a great time and you made some inroads for all your sisters. Just think of the eduction that your new friends received and as you said you treat them with diginity and respect and they are more than willing to learn about us and then they begin to respect us for who we are. Hopefully they will pass on their experience to their friends and so on and so on until we begin seeing the results of our education program everywhere.
Thanks, honey, for all you do.
Love ya,
Deborah
PS stay worm this winter its going to hit 90+ here in Virginia today!

[Rebecca]

Hi Sally,

I'm in tears with your story, it's such an inspiration, thankyou. I hope you do keep it all together, it's like a fairy story.

Sometimes it is possible to believe in the perfect world

Love to you
Rebecca xxx

[Anita]

Hi Sally--
Nice story, for sure. All of you dancing the night away was so wonderful to read about.

I'm glad to hear that you and your wife continue to agree on the way things are. It can be hard to maintain that balance.
A

[Marda]

HI Sally
I'm so happy to hear your story ... if I'm feeling down, I'm sure a reread would bring me back up instantly.
Best Wishes, for many more Wonderful Weekends, *And* to your Wonderful & Supportive Family

Love / Marda

[CJ]

Hi all,

Great post, Sally! Thanks for sharing. It sounds as though you had a wonderful weekend. What does it mean, though, "in the big smoke"?

Love,
CJ

[Sally]

Hi CJ,

Maybe the expression is unique to us here, but it's used by us country bumpkins to refer to a big city. It may have originated from the fact that most big industrialised cities have a smoke haze hanging over them as can be seen from an aircraft when flying over.

Kind Regards,

Sally

[CJ]

Hi all,

Thanks, Sally!

I guess I >>cough, cough<< live in a big smoke, too, then.

Love,
CJ

[Rebecca]

Hi all,

In England, well, the north-east at least 'going down the smoke' means going to London

Love
Rebecca xxx

[Merinda]

Hi Sally ,

I'm happy to hear you had a great time here , it was a pleasure to read your story.

Nightclubs are the bigsmokes in the big smoke.

[Lorna]

Hi Sally!

I really enjoyed reading about your weekend out. I'm so glad that you had fun!! It's wonderful to have the outlet to just totally let our your femme side and to be treated and viewed as one of the gals. It's also nice to share these moments with open and accepting friends!

What a wonderful journey this is for all of us.