out and about, CDer nightmare ??

[KimberlyS]

On Saturday was the area support meeting. I had some extra time before hand so did some errands enfemme before hand. First stop was Home Depot to drop off a couple of batteries for recycling. I was a bit unsure of it being a more macho store. Check my makeup and hair, grab my purse and batteries and I am off. Lots of people coming and going but no one seemed to notice me all the way in. Well it had been awhile since I had been there and had been trying to remember where the drop box was. Up front or back by the power tools. Well my luck there was an SA coming down the isle as I headed for the power tools. I asked her if she knew where the place to recycle these batteries was at. She paused like she was not sure, and then began to tell me it was down by the power tools as she pointed the direction I had been headed. As she got into more detail she looked at me glancing at my attire, skirt, heels, feminine top, feminine hair(wig) and makeup. She stopped the directions and said is this all you need to do here today. I said yes as she looked at my face and got the confused questioning look and pause. I said that was all I had to do there today. With this look and some hesitation, she would just take them as she reached for the batteries. I said thank you leaving her that the look still and headed back out. I guess dressing feminine has its advantages. I think I gave her something to talk about for the day.

Next stop was the mall to pick up a candle for my wife. The mall was busy as it was early afternoon on a Saturday. I went in through JCPenny's as I love to look. They had big signs on the clearance rack. They seem to be thinning down but I spy some Flexee's shape wear. I take a quick glance and they have the last years model of the boned HWLLPG for half price. I can not turn that one down. I decide to pass on the rest of the clearance racks as I really did not have the time and the racks were busy with others looking. I scope out a place to pay and the one in the other part of lingerie has the shortest line that I can see. No problems waiting in line, but the place is hopping with shoppers all over the place. It gets to my turn and the SA says is that all for you today sir, a ma'am. I say yes and pay with my male CD and she also asked for my ID with no problems. She says thank you ma'am as she hands me my purchase.

Out in the mall I maneuver through the people down to mid mall where Yankee Candle is. The two SA's are talking at the counter as I come in and I just head for where the candle has been in the past. An SA comes up behind me as I get there wanting to help. I say that I have what I came for as I take a macintosh apple candle off the shelf and we both head for the counter. At the counter SA2 mentions that they have room sprays in that scent as SA1 comes up with a big smile as she looks me over and then wraps and bags the candle. As get my wallet out of my purse and look up I see that SA1 is whispering something to SA2. SA2 tells me the amount as I hand her the money with her looking like she is looking me over. They both have these huge smiles on their faces like they are ready to burst out laughing or something. SA2 hands me my purchase and says thank you. SA1 says "Come back anytime" in a very positive happy way. As I turn and head for the door I hear them shuffle around the counter my way. I just stroll out.

I continue my loop of the mall again maneuvering the crowd like it was Christmas time shopping. The colder weather must have pushed people inside. I stop into Lane Bryant and do a short loop but it is so busy I do not have the time to deal with all of the people just to look. Torrid is the same way as are other stores. So I just head back to the car and head for Staples. Even busy at Staples. I get my print cartridge and take a quick look at computers to see what they have. And then push on. What luck the checkouts have slowed an I am next in one lane as another customer leaves. I ask if the old cartriges can be returned here or at the service counter. He says here works and ask how many I can return at once. I pull out three and he asks for my rewards card. Rats did not have that along, he says he can look it up and asks for phone number. I get my return credit and pay for my new one and off again with no problems.

It is getting towards meeting time so quick stop for food at Quizno's a few people in line so I opt for a quick pit stop. I order my food and when paying the kid was new, slow and did not know how to make change. The meeting goes well. Two CDers, 3TG-TS, and a lesbian.

Heading home I realize I should have made a pit stop when leaving the meeting, so opt for McDonald's and some food. Normal crowd for 10pm, an old couple, some teens and a family with kids eating and some teens ordering food, so I make my pit stop and come back to order. A few more teens came and are in line and the rest were sitting and eating. I wait in line and a few more people come in behind me, and then some more. A quick glance all teens as they were just at a game from the talk. I get a bit nervous. I order and get the once over questioning look from the clerk. I then step to the right as those a head of me did not move far to the left where the order would come out. I finish closing up my purse and move to go around the back of the group to the other side and wait and I see a line of teens almost to the door. Deep breath, smile and excuse my self as I move through the line and group to the other side. So far so good. As I wait for my food more and more teens and some parents come making the line a mob of people at the door, and only one line open to order from. I begin to panic and look for options on ways out. Only options are this side of the building opposite my car or through the line and mob of mostly teens of about 50-60 most talking about the game from the multiple conversations I am hearing. Many have glanced at me but that has been it. I get my food and figure all the people that have seen me including some face to face, no one has seemed to notice except the clerk. So deep breath, smile and I start through the crowd excusing my self as I make my way through. Some of the teens even see me coming and move or move their friends aside for me. To the guys I seem to be just a moving object, but I get some interesting and questioning looks from some of the gals. At the door I come face to face with the family that had been eating. The mother glances but is too wrapped up in her kids she us moving out the door. The Dad paused like he was going to let me cut in, but I look at him and say to go ahead. He says thanks as he move past me almost touching due to the crowd, and I follow him out. I kept an eye on the dad but he did not look back once and I glance in McDonald's and no one is looking at me.

Now I know I do not pass from the looks I get from those I interact with and those that really look at me. But to most of those in McDonald's, except for the clerk and a few teen gals, I just seemed to be a person in their crowd of life. But I will try to stay out of teen crowds that large when possible.

kimberlys-cd
joe in a skirt

[Carolynn]

You did well Kimberly. Very well. Whether you think you pass or not, keeping your cool, being polite and a smile is often all you need to be kinda accepted.

Love, Carolynn

[Absaroka]

Sounds like it went well even if it was nerve wracking. As for the ladies in the store I think the important part was the big smile and being told to come back......we need to allow people the honesty of their own reaction as long as they are not disrespectful.

Absaroka

[DonnaT]

Sounded like a good, if hectic, day Kimberly.

we need to allow people the honesty of their own reaction as long as they are not disrespectful.

True!

As long as they aren't laughing outright and pointing, putting a smile on someone's face is a good thing.

[KimberlyS]

Thank you everyone for your comments.

Carolynn, when I am out and about my hope is others can accept me and my presentation. Otherwise, I try to present a decent feminine / CDer image that maybe they will hopefully compare and think about the view they have. Maybe be making it different for the next one they encounter.

Absaroka, I thought about turning around and going to talk to the gals and maybe should have. But I just really needed the femme time. Work has been a bit hellish lately.

Donna, yes a bit hectic but seem like a normal day anymore for me. And that not include a stops on the way up to work on a computer for my cousin, stopping at my brothers to drop something off for him, or changing on some back road hoping no one came by. That was just my day from about 2:30 on. I have learned to shop fast in heels.


kimberlys-cd
joe in a skirt

[Anita]

...we need to allow people the honesty of their own reaction as long as they are not disrespectful.

Nice account, Kimberly. Busy day, for sure! That's the way it can go, though--comfortable sections of the outing, and then discomfort, and then comfort again. There's a lot more variables going on when you're out dressed.

You've been quoted a second time in this thread, Absaroka. It's not always comfortable to let them have their reactions, but it's certainly fair.

[Lydia]

Well done, Kimberly !

True, you may not have "passed" completely, but I admire your courage and persistence immensely. You have given me and others, I'm sure, the inspiration to face the "slings and arrows" of the outside world.

Thanks for the fine report on your roaring Saturday.



Hugs & more hugs,

Lydia

[Kay]

Hi Kim
Just read about your day out, we chatted last week and I am really happy you had a good time. All the ups and downs of a normal Saturday.
Kay

[CJ]

Hi all,

Good show, Kimberly!

Oh boy! does this remind me of my one time being stuck on a city bus at a time of day when school let out. Well, the kids wanted a show and I gave them one. But that's a story for another time!

Heh. You mention getting a little nervous when the teenagers started filing in behind you. "A little nervous," Kimberly? Jeez, in such situations I can feel my wig loosen as the blood drains from my head and heads down to my toes, where it pounds against my heel straps!

Again, congrats on your nervy outing, K!

Love,
CJ

[KimberlyS]

Thanks Anita, Lydia, Kay, CJ for your comments.

CJ the bus situation sounds interesting and much more confining.

And yes just "A little nervous". I was not getting any disgusted looks, let alone much really looks anyway. I must have looked too much like their mothers and they did not want to have anything to do with me??

Actually families with young children make me more nervous. But even that has decreased after walking into a busy mall not really paying a lot of attention and suddenly finding myself in the middle of a very busy mall filled with a lot of teens and families. That is the closest I ever came to bolting out of the area as fast as I could. But I could not leave with out my free VS panties I had a coupon for. LOL

Thanks again everyone for your words of support.

kimberlys - cd
joe in a skirt

[Kendra Lynn]

Hello all: I don't drive (and that's not going to change) so I do ride public transit "dressed."
I am much more nervous about buses, since other passengers can get a much better look at me than on the subway.
I ride the METRO subway when "dressed" and have received some funny looks and been teased by male teenagers several times. I am nervous about families with children also and have had the misfortune to be riding the subway several times with a "sports game" crowd. Nothing happened, but the sports fans tend to be rowdy and that makes me uncomfortable too.
I do not go to shopping malls "dressed"-- too many young men and teenagers. (I've had some amusing moments with store cashiers when taking my "femme" items to be purchased and I'm in "drab." Some of the nicer ones get to see a few photos of "Kendra.")
I generally avoid "fast food" chains even when in "drab," so those places are not an issue (for me).
I will cross a street or wait to avoid groups of teens. I am not saying ALL teenagers are a problem for CDers, but enough of them are and I prefer to avoid/prevent unpleasant/awkward situations.
I do NOT want to deal with police officers/ and/or low wage security people when "dressed," I have had a few unpleasant/difficult situations dealing with such people. I will admit that conventional authority figures make me nervous any way, part of that is due to a father who had a bad temper, and part is due to my hippie/60s era distrust/dislike for/of most authority.
There are definitely parts of the Washington, D.C. area which are less problematic for CDers: (Takoma Park, MD, north Arlington, VA, "old town" Alexandria, VA, downtown D.C., for example) than others.
I suppose a good rule of thumb is that CDers have to be careful in the same ways that "genetic girls" are.
Good luck to everyone while going "out and about."
Peace-- Kendra Lynn ("hippie cheerleader")

[KimberlyS]

Kendra thanks for the response.

... I suppose a good rule of thumb is that CDers have to be careful in the same ways that "genetic girls" are.

I very much so agree with you there. But also what is a safe place for one person is not a safe place to a different person. A lot is the comfort level of the CDer, their personal acceptance, their attitude about being out, their attire, time of the day, who they are with and other things. The biggest thing is you need to be and feel safe. If not there is a greater chance of things happening because IMHO others can detect your high nervousness and uneasiness. There will always be someone, some bully ready to take advantage of you if they feel like it. And that does not just apply to CDing but everything in your life. Chances if you feel really vulnerable, you are acting and looking like you feel vulnerable, you are drawing extra attention, you look like a target, you are acting like a target and have a great chance to be a target.

But just being a little nervous is ok. That is just keeping you on your toes and keeping you aware.

If you go out have fun, but keep it safe.

kimberlys-cd
joe in a skirt


Standard disclaimer: Going out of the house was right for me, it may or may not be right for you. If you've got no desire to leave the house, that's fine, I'm not trying to push you out the door. But for those who've been yearning to do so, I just want to let you know the world may not be as scary a place as you think.

[Stephenie G]

I didn't know if I should post my own question or add to this one. I've only been a member for a short time & when it comes to going out it seems most have some of the same fears passing, teenagers , families, security etc. I only gone out totally en-fem once so far but gone out in fem jeans, heels , lipstick , clear nail polish & whether its the area i live for the most part have been scared at first then realized that most people didn't notice or cared. The teenagers , the worse i've gotten is" look at that guy wearing heels "some gigles of course but nothing more. The stores ( after the you want to try these on shock ) are only to glad to help. I should mention i shop out of town mostly & visist the same two mall so I'm not sure if this is why I have no problems or not . So I seen many of the same people in the mall & maybe they know I like fem clothes , love to smile & do buy their stuff & happily wear it in public . plus for the most part I like early shopping. Today even the seniors I saw today siad good morning ( seem them before , & they seen my heels ) if fact I was wearing my 2 inch heeled boots today & of course I smile & say good morning too. I also bought some panties & wanted to try a new style so I asked to try on , she smiled said sure & even came & asked if they fitted o.k they did so I bought 3 pairs . So I thought after reading this post I about dangerours , scary I'd share some of my experiences so far . I hope its inspirational & makes you smile . Stephenie g

[Absaroka]

In thinking about safety some of it has to do with me.

I don't go out in public dressed although I like the woods and similar private places. However safety in public is an issue at other times as well.

I have a hot temper sometimes. Say something to me at the wrong moment and I'll say something back. I'm not good at the clever put down so I tend to be down right nasty instead. I have demonstrated the ability to escalate past the point where I can handle things in the past. So at least part of the safety issue for me can be summarized in this.

Suppose I'm in the mall. There are lots of people around and its a relatively upscale place. So a physical altercation is unlikely. But... a couple of teenage boys say something. Can I be sure of my response? What if I decide to get in their face? What if my big mouth lead to push which leads to shove which leads to something else?

In the past I've also shown myself to be the soul of discretion. I would go to bars where there were a fair number of fights and keep my mouth shut and never offend anyone. And everyone would leave me alone. But I had to have a certain energy to do this. So if I go out, assuming I'm not going somewhere known for violence, perhaps my first question has to be where am I at?

I liked Amelie Laveau's post somewhere else about letting her persona mess with peoples minds. Getting to a point where I can say to myself:
" Gee my appearance must have gotten to them since they felt the need to respond to my prescence with insults. Guess I rented some space in their head today" rather than letting the insults rent space in my head.

Of course that can still be a form of aggression and for me not a spiritually fit place to be. But it's an interesting thought.

Just rambling on here.......
Absaroka