Crossdressers-Haven.com

You've been with your wife for many years. Your relationship is excellent, except . . . things have always been kind of cool in the bedroom, there has always seemed to be some inexplicable obstacle inhibiting physical intimacy, and, furthermore, your spouse seems unusually interested in the kind of people you wouldn't dare show undue interest in: other women.

At some point in your marriage, your wife, after a lot of reflection and soul searching, comes to the conclusion that she has been living in denial and that she is--and always has been--a lesbian. Her lack of physical attraction towards men (you in particular) and her physical attraction to women has caused her a great deal of conflict and sorrow, and she needs to be what she in fact is.

She still loves you, though, and, having long since become aware that you're a crossdresser, she offers you the following rather unusual chance to save an otherwise doomed marriage: if you transition (hormones, hair removal treatments, surgeries, legal name change--the whole nine yards) and live as a woman, she expects it will revive the marriage for her and she will commit to staying with you.

Pick a response above that you think you might be most likely to make.

-Celia

Hi Celia,

Interesting thread and Poll.

I think I would, but it's a hard decision. Since it's for someone I'm supposed to be with forever and I'm pretty close to walking the line between the two anyway, I decided to vote yes because I think marriages should be forever if there's something you can change that doesn't compromise who you are.

I've already gotten laser hair removal, I'm going to have some minor surgery to make my appearance un petite more feminine. Again, it would be a BIG decision, but in the end I think I would?

Ironically, I have considered such an event. For me this is a no brainer.If I loved my wife so much, I felt a connection with her, as a person. If there were anything I could do to improve that connection? I would do it. It is that connection that is the most rewarding thing I have ever experienced. If I could relate better to her, as my true self. it dont' matter what suit I am wearing.
Elizabeth

Sorry girls, "You still here!?" (Interesting though 6 responses 6 different answers = so far! I am who I am and I ain't changin for no one. I like me, I like Deborah and we will travel this Magical Mystery Tour together.
Love,
Deborah

I'm kidding. There's a lot to be said about that.

I am with my sis Deb on this one, and I know that will not surprise Beauty.

LOL!!!

Ok.. you two are REALLY starting to scare me!! LOL
-sqz-
That is so perfect!

Hi Y'all,

Wow, I don't usually have trouble making a decision but this one I would have to think about for a while. I would probably do it, but - - -? I guess I wonder that, if I did change, would she still think I was the type of woman she could love? Where would I be if she decided to leave anyway? I'd end up as a fat old lady instead of a fat old man!!

Silly, I agree, but also thought provoking. Why do we marry? Whom do we marry? Do we marry primarily for socially acceptable sexual relations?

Does who we marry stay the same person? If not, does that person figuratively die, in which case my vow has been fulfilled if I elect to pass on this offer/ultimatum?

Is it not normal to react negatively to such a monumental ultimatum?

On the other hand, sexual relations are no longer in the same category as breathing. I really can live without it, and have recently for an extended time.

What does this unusual demand say about how the hypopthetical SO feels about me? Did she marry me for purely sexual reasons? Would she stay married to me for purely sexual reasons? Would this be healthy?

Is the hypothetical SO going to pay the enormous costs involved?

Is the rest of my world going to tolerate this (if not approve or support)?

Is there a limit to the number of questions I can ask before the moderator takes an axe to my post?

I guess you can plainly tell I'd have to think this over for a long time.

Hugs,

Bernice

As this is a hypothetical, I gave the only answer I could. Middle road, I dunno. Transition is something I don't feel will ever happen to me. I just don't feel THAT feminine. Sure the thought crossed my mind, but the cons simply outweigh the pros in my case.

Interesting side note = I actually know a lesbian couple that consists of one GG and one TG! They met after he transitioned, however.

Just my two bits.

Hugs,
Kyra

Hello Everyone,

So I've been 'suckered-in' to answer the poll!

Well I'm with Debs on this one, though to take up Josey's point, if I could change from a fat old man into a svelte young thing, I might take a little longer to say 'no thanks'.

Sayonara,

Caroline.

Looks like this poll has pretty much died down--might as well finish it up with my own response. I'm inclined toward the middle option.

I frequently toy around with the idea of transitioning. I'm not necessarily serious about it--it's really more of a persistent pipe dream. Since I'm unattached, the poll question is actually pretty abstract for me. Ordinarily, having an SO puts quite a damper on any considerations of transitioning, for obvious reasons. But if I had a wife who I loved dearly, who wanted me to transition in hopes of actually saving our marriage . . . well, the pipe dream would be much closer to a reality. Not a certainty, though: as much as the idea of transitioning appeals to me, the reality of it terrifies me; and even if it saved a marriage I treasured, there are always other relationships to worry about. I'm really not sure what I'd finally decide.

-Celia

I guess I have a little bit of inside running in this as I've been in transition for 4 years and have very recently had to make a monumental decision whether to take the final step. After long heart wrenching discussions with my wife and family over quite a period of time and much soul searching I decided that after 30+ years of marriage to the most wonderful woman on earth, the risk of losing her as against the risk of denying Sally her true destination, I made the decision not to take the final step.

Marriage and children to me is a life long contract and responsibility, I also believe the sacrifices my wife made in accepting the physical and mental changes transition to me to date is a balance of my decision to remain as a visible husband and father image.

The need for sex has never been a great issue for me so that was never an issue in any decisions I've made and my role in it never seemed the right one to me anyway. There has always been, as long as my memory goes back, a more urgent need, but sometimes in life there are people more important to the quality of our life than ourself. Just an opinion.

But getting back to the crux of the thread, in the given choices, I guess it goes without saying that I'd go with number one with a great big all over my face. lol.

Kind Regards.

Sally.

I think this is a really interesting question. A little too hypothetical to be real but still a good question. Lets assume the kids are grown........

I would be happy to play pretend for her but I am not removing body parts and throwing them away for her. This is a lot different than a kidney transplant or something that might save her life.

What if I transitioned and it didn't work out? She might not be attracted to me as a woman, might feel she really wanted me as a guy even though she is attracted to women. I would feel that I wished I had not done it. I like being a guy. If pressed I would be hard put to say what is different about that from being a woman except the biology but I still like it.

Truth is I won't even cut my hair and shave my beard to make her happy-it's my body. And I try to be similarly accepting of her preferences about herself.


Andrea

I have no clue what I would do in that situation. In fact, I would hope to have been perceptive enough never to get into that kind of situation!!