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I awakened this morning to a soft light rain dripping off the eaves onto my Banana trees, thru my open window, as luxuriated in satin camisole and tap pants, considering the schedule of my busy workday. On impulse, I decided to take my canoe for a early sojourn, muscling into some snug skinny black jeans, matching calf boots and a bulky sweater to ward off the chill, putting on lip stick and tying my long haired wig in a ponytail with a hank of pink ribbon.

It was gloaming twilight hinting at a reluctant Dawn when I dropped the canoe into the calm dark water dockside, listening to some nearby Ducks muttering their displeasure at my appearance. I paddled slowly into the lake, gliding past rafting Ducks, a trio of Pelicans and later a lone Bull Alligator backed up on the Bank watching me with unblinking eyes and a casual indifference.

The morning slowly unfolded into a sullen brooding overcast with a hovering light fog just above water the color of cold steel. I dug the paddle deep, enjoying the pleasure of well executed J strokes , quietly gliding me across the Lake as light raindrops continued to fall, delivering a smooth wake in precise cadence to sustain my choreographed course.

I watched an open boat approach and stop at a nearby Crabpot Buoy, engine idling as the man tended his catch to re-bait, dropping the trap back into the water, the sounds startlingly loud echoing off the open Lake from about 100 yards. As he throttled up to move to others untended, he raised his hand and waved at me, and I unhesitatingly returned the gesture. In my subsequent solitude, I thought about how a simple gesture of welcome or recognition easily forms an almost intimate connection, briefly signaling an intersection of our personal orbits thru our lives and the people we are. A simple wave, can have meaning.

After three miles, I turned around to return to my dock and begin the rituals associated with a man getting ready to go to work in an office closely contained by four strong walls and obligation.

After hoisting my canoe from the water and putting it on the rack, I stretched my arms, arched my back, and bent over to relax my muscles , enjoying the sweat and vigor from the performance of a job well done.

Behind me, I heard a shocking ,long, loud "Wolf Whistle", so I stood up turning sharply only to see three fishermen of indeterminate age hanging on the rail three docks over, very unabashedly watching me.

I paused, unsure of myself...this is the first time anyone has ever whistled at me...in admiration.

Then they waved, and I unhesitatingly waved back, turned and slowly sauntered down the long dock to my home with a little vain swagger in my step , a smile on my lips and an unbidden smoldering in the pit of my stomach, as I listened to the light rain pattering softly on the water around me.

I just knew...this is going to be a Beautiful day.


Nicci


*** Post edited to insert spacing between paragraphs (that makes it so much easier for everyone to read!), as per: http://crossdressers-haven.com/forums/v ... 65&t=10059" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false; - SL

Very nice.

What a nice morning for you. You made me wish I had been there, listening to the rain, and banana trees you obviously live some place a lot warmer than where I live.

Hi Nicci...thought it would be better to respond to your lengthy and very involved post on my diary .... over here on yours. Very detailed. I appreciate all the very detailed information on the process of transitioning in Florida, thought your wife must be wonderful to be so understanding and encouraging.

I am very glad that I have a full head of hair and understand I am very lucky...though I have started to battle some thinning on the back of my pate with minoxidil, and I do use Just For Men about every 6-8 weeks to keep it the medium brown it has always been though at 59 I realize at some point I will have to gradually allow some grey to show so I just do not believe once the inevitable aging begins to bring changes to my skin, very dark hair with no grey will no longer work just make me look foolish. Face lift?

I am very glad to have longer hair now because when I do wash and condition it it becomes very full and being straight it really puffs up and looks pretty in a feminine style which for me is just a central part and combing it back on each side...

I do have an average women's skill with make up now so with my make up on...well look at my avitar my heart quicken;'s a pace especially with ear rings and other jewelry on.

I have thought about Laser therapy to remove my facial hair, I hate having to shave every morning and do my best to remove all the hair that I can but it is far from what I would desire. I do have some concealer which helps on my upper lip and chin. I do not believe I would need a doctor's order for hair removal so I may look into that.

When I am able I am definitely going to have my ears pierced...I don't know why but when my gender moves over my ears want to have ear rings dangling from the lobes..sounds silly but they call out to me..."Put your ear rings on!" I do have some nice quality gold tone hoop ear rings that clip on but I hate having to adjust them back into place on occasion and sometimes well if they fall off they are difficult to locate.

I no longer chew my nails and they are out to the tips of my fingers, I clear coat them but it is so difficult to keep them because I have large strong hands so doing house work, caring for my wife and mowing the lawn etc they do tend to get torn. My toes are much easier they are always red and shiny, in a couple months I will go for another pedicure.

I am at my weight this morning 162.7 ... .7 lb over and I have been here for a few years...I know if I want to look my best in feminine clothing being at my weight is an absolute necessity.

I shave my legs and maintain them along with other places as needed that women would want to be free of hair.

I have over my life moved from stuffing balled up nylons in my bra cups ... to making bird seed filled forms out of cut off panty hose...to $15. gel inserts from Walmart which I still have and they are wonderful...thence on to foam breast forms from National in a size 7 which is proportional for my 5'9" frame...finally on my birthday back on the 8th I purchased a proper pair of Nearly Me prosthetic breast forms from national also in a size 7 which cost me around $300.00 but they pour into the cups...they have the weight and when depressed give then return to shape just like a natural breasts do so I am quite pleased with them.

I have an extensive and very complete wardrobe of women's clothing and cosmetics and jewelry and it just grows larger and larger. I now jog every day in women's running clothes and shoes...

My thoughts have extended to the possibility of hormone therapy but...I do not believe at 59 I have any plans to transition...30% opt not to you said...I am gender fluid...I can feel the internal change that just comes over me sometimes from a simple thought as I flow one way or the other. I have made tremendous progress especially in the last 10 years, though I have been gender fluid my entire life as far back as I had any sense of the differences between male and female and I hid it from everyone..until about 1997 or 1998 when I told my wife but even from there I had a lot of work to do internally.

I believe If I did any hormones...wow that is so very involved I do not see myself going that far. I will just continue living as I am but more and more open.

Very well written, Nicci. Your colorful descriptions almost make me feel like I was in the canoe with you.

I especially enjoyed the part about the wolf whistle you got. Yeah, I remember those days when women used to do that to me, that was exhilarating. Nowadays when they do it, it is taken by me more as a gesture of sarcasm, as I have little left to admire. Aging does that, so enjoy your youth while you still have it. I know I sure did when I had it.

hugs,
Deb