Crossdressers-Haven.com

As a result of settling the turmoil around here my wife and I are/will be seeing a therapist. I found one through the Chicago Gender Society who I found out is a highly respected therapist in the gender world. She gave a talk at the Be-All Convention this past June.

Last night I saw her for the first time. I thought I was pretty up to date on things concerning transgender issues but I learned a lot in out short time together. I thought I'd share some of that with you.

Two things stuck in my head from last night's session.

1. Studied have shown that certian stress hormones released by the mother in the fourth month of pregnancy can have altering effects on the brain of the fetus. She explained that the genitals are developed around the third month but the brain doesn't begin development until the fourth month. If the mother releases these stress hormones (adrenelin being one of them) it can alter the way the brain develops. It can change the development of the male brain to female. For transsexuals, this is completely female. For others it is only partial.

2. There are four categories that make up the transgendered:
- Crossdresser: one who enjoys wearing the clothing of the opposite sex
- Fetishistic Transvestite: one who focuses on certain items of clothing for sexual pleasure
These first two usually exhibit themselves during puberty
- Transgender: one who has a foot in both camps, likes to be in the born gender sometimes but also has strong desires to experience life as the other gender
- Transsexual: one who knows they are in the wrong body
These next two usually exhibit themselves very early in life, long before the onset of puberty

One fact I didn't know is there is a 50% mortality rate among those born as transsexual. Many commit suicide and the rest meet an early death trying to become the opposite gender. That speaks volumes on how screwed up our society is if that fact isn't out there as general knowledge. This I find appaling.

One of the reasons I put off going to a therapist is I was afraid I would discover I was a TS and then take the road to transitioning. I could never do this because of my family. When asked which category fits me best I told her (the therapist) transgender seems to fit me best. From the description she gave of a transsexual I know I am not.

If anyone is interested I can keep you posted as to how the other sessions go. I have my next appointment Wednesday.

Love,
Julie

Hi Julie,

It sounds very interesting indeed. I knew about your first point, evidently after the war there were more people born gay due to stress of the blitz, (in Europe anyway)

That figure 50% is incredible, it's hard to get your head round it. Having said that, I almost never made it this far, so I shouldn't be surprised.

Yes please, keep them coming, fascinating stuff

Love
Rebecca xxx

Julie ,

That was most interesting , I find myself under the transgendered flag according to your chart.

My mother was having regular estradiol injections during pregnancy with me and I'm sure that effected my developing brain .
According to mum , I was claiming female status at the age of 2 but I dont really remember.

Julie, Sounds like your not happy with the results of your first visit. Or I'm I miss ready you, I hope you find peace in your therapy. Alot of information is sometime so hard to absorb
The bit of info on the 4th month is intresting to me when my mother was pregnant with me it was a stressful time in my parent's marriage according to my brother. Thank you for keeping us updated on your journey. ...............Let us know , Kristen

Yeah very interesting, like Merinda according to this I am transgendered but on that other one I considered myself a cross dresser lol

Sophie xx

Julie,
Perhaps I missed something, but did both you and your wife go or are you both going to the same person but at separate times??
The four categories are interesting, but it does not seem to bring the mental/psychological aspect into account. I think it was CJ that recently posted the article written in 1998 about those of us who accept the anima into our male personality or according to Jung, allowing our anima to parallel us and we transisition back and forth at will not allwoing the anima to actually take over which would of course lead to transexual or even SRS.
Want to really blow the "shrink's mind." Tell them that one of your sisters here is promoting the theory that we, crosssdressers who are able to transistion pretty much at will and use the female aspect of our personality to improve not only our lives, but all those we come into contact with. We are the "new evolution in human development." The entire human race is in a constant state of flux and evolution.
Crossdressers are the first to be able to transistion from male to female personna and back. Granted this is the very earliest stages of this evolution, but we are beginning to understand the gift we have more and more every day.
I would like you to keep us informed since my wife and I have been six times now and next week she goes for a private hypnosis session.
Love ya,
Deborah

Kristen wrote:Julie, Sounds like your not happy with the results of your first visit. Or I'm I miss ready you, Kristen

Quite the contrary, I was very happy I chose her for therapy. She is really knowledgeble and has a special caring in her voice. I told her about my first outing at Be-All when Rudy treated me like a lady. She looked at me and asked, "How sis that make you feel?" I knew from the look in her eye she already knew the answer, "I was on cloud nine!"

I can't wait for next Wednesday!. Actually this could work out pretty well. If I can get out once on weekends and see her midweek it can balance out pretty well!

Julie

Deborah wrote:Julie,
Perhaps I missed something, but did both you and your wife go or are you both going to the same person but at separate times??
Love ya,
Deborah

Deborah,

I went alone yesterday. My wife can go with me or alone if she prefers. This will take a week or two to get ironed out.

My therapist is named Deborah (I thought you'd like that). Anyway, Deb told me she would like to finish my history before bringing anyone else in but my wife can come alone if she needs.

Help! My head's shrinking! (sorry, I couldn't help it)

Julie

Hi Julie,

I found your article interesting, and would appreciate any thing further you think might benifit us.

Julie, Thank heavens, and thanks for answering so quickly, I totaly misread you. Let us know,......kristen

Julie, Love your post and find very intersting. I sent a copy from the first post to my mom. I left out your name and the las line. But I think she will also find it intersting. I may even bring it up with my theropist in my next visit next tuesday. Please if you fins any more info please keep me informed as I like to know as much as possable.

Jessie

Hi Julie M.,
I'm with you. My therapist told me similar things early on. My problems were not so much related to cross-dressing as I first thought. She did not tell me of the stress studies, but did tell me she believed most of us were born with a certain gender identity. I was trying to quit and she was helping me try. As I got to know myself better I settled to the realization that I was a cross-dresser borderline transgender. She was happy as I found ways of expressing my femininity in daily ways. So was I.

All the time she was helping me to rid myself of all the many self destructive things I did and thought. We are still working on some of those. I have been cured of fetish behaviors related to my dressing and those not. My anima is becoming pretty settled compared to what I have been in the past. I know some individuals here, were able to come to their own happiness without therapy. I am not one of those. I was so screwed up by fundamental religion, my parents and then the people around me: I needed help.

Julie M, I look forward to hear the truths that you find inside yourself.
I hope too, that your wife can learn to see you in a new light, as mine has after knowing for 25 or so years.

Kersten

I met with my therapist again last night. I like her more now than I did before.

The session was 45 min. compared to an hour with the first one. We still had to iron out the paperwork with release and insurance forms. That took up some time.

I have been worried about how my wife has been doing. Our insurance has given her a directive that seems a bit cold and I was upset that I'm getting the royal treatment and she's been left to fend for herself. She seems so unhappy lately. So I spent a good amount of time worring out loud about her.

I never got much of a chance to hit on crossdressing issues because of the above. I will ask her next week, about chemical effects on the fetus (mothers taking estrogen during pregnancy). Sorry I didn't have time to get to it.

Overall I really like her. I want my wife to see her and it certainly wouldn't hurt for the rest of my family to see her at least once. There's only about five gender specialsts in the entire Chicago area and she's one of them.

Wish this could be more informative but 45 minutes sure goes fast and it was only the second session. I'll let you know how it goes next week.

Julie

Well my wife and I have been going as a couple for what 7 - 8 times. It seems to be the only place where she will say things tht she won't say to me alone. I don't get it???? but....... the interesting thing is that my CD'ing does not even come up and hasn't in the past 4-5 sessions. She has some real self-image issues. She works as a manager of a dining room in a very very upscale retirement home and having to deal with the cooks and wait staff is a real challenge for her. They are not the most reliable and some shoose to show up when they want and these people who live there pay big bucks and expect high class service.
Tomorrow her/our counselor is going to hypnotize her! I can wait to see if there is any change.
I hope that I can pick up some help from SCC in Atlanta in possibly starting a Tri-Ess Chapter,
Sorry I am rambling, need more coffee!
Love,
Deborah

Last night I went for my 5th session. My wife went for her first on Tuesday. So the talk begins and the therapist steers it away from what I am rambling on about. She asks me if I have ever had sex with Jacki. Well my eyeballs almost popped out of my head! Where on earth did this come from? Then I thought about my wife seeing her the previous day. I tell her that isn't my cup of tea. I LOVE women, men just don't interest me unless I am looking for a golfing partner.

Then I realized there is a lingering suspicion in my home about this. When my wife and daughter were on vacation Jacki and I went out. She came over to the house to change because her wife isn't too understanding. Then we went out and got home very early in the morning. I went to bed and Jacki stayed. At around 9AM Jacki wakes me up. I had no idea she was still here. In the meantime my son had come home both at 5AM and 9AM and saw Jacki's car in the garage. (It was in the garage so the neighbors didn't have to see the girly show). He calls my wife and tells her. Thoughts run wild and result in a sexual encounter. I told my wife "you mainstreamers need to get your minds out of the gutter!"

Then the therapist says we need to settle the transitioning issues, when and if I am going to transition. In the third session she asked me if I am ever going to transition. I said no. She led me to believe that issue was settled. But after my wife saw her it resurfaced. My wife says it didn't come from her just as the suspicion of sex with a man didn't either. I was always good at math and this didn't add up.

Anyway the therapist told my wife and then later me that she believes couples counseling would be beneficial to both of us. So we have our first session a week from Saturday.

When I got home I gathered up the family and told them my feelings about gay relations. My son was squirming but I had to get that rumor squelched becasue it was obvious someone was wondering about the possibility.

Outsiders can't understand why we dress up. Most of us can't explain it in a way they can understand. So they gravitate toward what they have been taught all along, this is perverted therefore it has to be sexually related. They can't accept anything else because nothing else makes sense within their world.

I'm running late for work again,

Julie