the DIANATI
Posted: Sun Aug 22, 2004 1:33 pm
Wondering about whether or not you could be transsexual? Afraid to
face the awful truth either way? Taken the COGIATI and not satisfied
with the results you received?
Good News!
Now there is a new test that was written by a computer programmer and
anime enthusiast just like the original COGIATI was!
The Dysphoric Indicator And Native Assessment of Transsexuality
Inventory , commonly referred to as the DIANATI, is designed to
provide you with a quick and easy assessment of your womanly
potential.
WARNING! Do NOT take this test if you are FtM!
FtMs taking this test may experience unpleasant symptoms ranging from
mild disorientation to bizarre flashbacks. If you are FtM do NOT read
any further.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
PURPOSE
This test is designed to assess whether or not you are a transsexual,
transvestite, a woman or RuPaul. This test should take no more then
ten minutes' time.
Answer each question quickly and honestly with the with the first
thought that comes into your mind.
Do not think about it - thinking is bad.
Use a number two pencil
Begin.
Question 1: You are 10 years old and you have just been caught by
your mother burrowing around in your sister's closet. Your mother
looks straight at you and asks you what you are doing. You tell your
mother:
A. That the little creep stole your baseball glove which is as good
an excuse as any because she'll never find that issue of Penthouse
that you stashed away in the corner.
B. About your pet salamander which you "lost" in there last evening.
C. That you're measuring closet space and it's not fair that *she*
gets to have 6 feet more room then you!
D. That those shoes don't really work with that eye shadow she has on.
E. Not to worry, that you're just looking to see if Sis has borrowed
your WonderBra once again.
Question 2: Where do you purchase your favorite undies?
A. Anywhere a three pack of briefs costs less than five bucks.
B. I don't wear underwear.
C. Frederick's of Hollywood
D. Victoria's Secret
E. K-Mart
Question 3: Congratulations! You just got married, the ceremony is
over and you are going to spend your first night together on your
honeymoon. Your wife, hot in your passionate embrace, lets her
wedding gown slide to the floor and coyly asks to be excused to the
bathroom for a moment. You're flustered but you agree and while she's
in there you:
A. Turn on ESPN and catch the latest score.
B. Check out the lingerie section of your wife's luggage. Oh man...oh
man! This is going to be a great night!
C. Wonder what it would be like if *she* was on top.
D. Pick up the wedding dress form the floor and quickly try it on -
just for size.
E. Debate with yourself whether telling her that waterproof mascara
wouldn't have run like that during the ceremony would ruin the moment.
Question 4: You're an internationally acclaimed photographer and your
boss has just told you that you've been assigned to shoot this year's
Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition! You look him square in the eye
and:
A. Drool....just drool.
B. Take off your wedding ring, give it to him and say "Here, hold
this for me until I get back OK?"
C. Think, "Ohhhh...great. I'll probably miss the season finale of
Voyager now!"
D. Say, "Mary, that's so overdone! Why not have me cover that Warhol
retrospective instead?"
E. Refuse to be a party to anything that has consistently denigrated
women like this!
Question 5: Who is the first person that comes to mind when asked to
name a shining example for women everywhere to follow:
A. Traci Lords
B. Brittany Spears
C. Dame Edna
D. Patsy and Edina
E. Indira Ghandi
Question 6: It's Saturday night and you're at a singles bar (again).
Across the bar you spot the most gorgeous woman that you've seen in
ages. Hair, legs, clothes makeup - she's got it all! The next thing
you do is:
A. Turn on that old college charm, walk right up to her and
say, "Baby, I want you to know that this is not a line but when I saw
you I knew that you must be a Virgo, right? Because I'm a Taurus and
you know what they say about Virgos and Taurus men right? Am I right?
<wink> <wink>..."
B. Tell the bartender to order her another drink...."anything she
wants as long as it's beer"
C. Undress her in your mind... and then dress her up again in a
lovely three piece Donna Karan tweed outfit that you saw over in
Macy's last week.
D. Turn green with envy and order another drink for yourself - make
it a double.
E. Walk up to her and let her know that there's a little piece of
toilet paper trailing from the bottom of her shoe.
Question 7: Which of the following do you most closely identify with:
A. John Wayne
B. The guy who runs the comic book store on "The Simpsons"
C. George W. Bush
D. Boy George
E. Janet Reno
Question 8: Just the thought of being married to Loraine Bobbit makes
you:
A. Shrink
B. Shiver
C. Cum
D. Think about your old boyfriend
E. Envious
Question 9: You've been comped front row seats to hottest review on
the Las Vegas strip. The show starts and a gorgeous Red-head not more
then six feet in front of you of up on stage starts doing high kicks.
The first think that you notice is:
A. That she's not wearing any panties.
B. That the Blonde behind her has *much* bigger tits.
C. That a little bit of liposuction on those thighs wouldn't hurt
anyone.
D. That her shoes are Italian designer.
E. That her hands seem a bit too large now don't they?
Question 10: You've been promoted to Vice-President of production!
And you've been given your own office to boot! Now It's time to
decorate. You need something for your wall so you go out to your
local poster shop and bring back:
A. An officially sanctioned and autographed Raiders photo.
B. That Cindy Crawford poster they wouldn't let you put up before.
Screw them - you're the boss now!
C. An arial view of San Francisco with the Castro district
prominently centered.
D. A picture of Marilyn Monroe getting her skirt in that updraft
overlaid in purple neon.
E. A reproduction of that Life photograph of Renee Richards winning
her final match.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Congratulations!
You are finished and are well on your way to determining your true
destiny. Here' How To Score The DIANATI:
Give yourself :
1 point for every A that you choose
2 points for every B that you choose
3 points for every C that you choose
4 points for every D that you choose
5 points for every E that you choose
RESULTS:
10 - 23
You're a Lumberjack but you're OK. You're likely not transgendered at
all. No need to worry. Stay out of Sis' closets though, OK?
24 - 35
Is she or isn't she? You could swing both ways Baby. Don't invest in
any new business suits just yet.
36 - 45
You Go Girl! RuPaul and Dame Edna watch out, 'cause there's a new
girl a commin'! It's not possible to say at this point whether you
are a transsexual or a transvestite but either way you look just
Fabulous!
45 and above
Remove the Vegematic and any sharp utensils from the kitchen. You are
definitely a transsexual. You do not need two letters from a
therapist - take the results of this test to any certified SRS
surgeon and you be put in the priority queue. Stock up on Maxi-pads.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
face the awful truth either way? Taken the COGIATI and not satisfied
with the results you received?
Good News!
Now there is a new test that was written by a computer programmer and
anime enthusiast just like the original COGIATI was!
The Dysphoric Indicator And Native Assessment of Transsexuality
Inventory , commonly referred to as the DIANATI, is designed to
provide you with a quick and easy assessment of your womanly
potential.
WARNING! Do NOT take this test if you are FtM!
FtMs taking this test may experience unpleasant symptoms ranging from
mild disorientation to bizarre flashbacks. If you are FtM do NOT read
any further.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
PURPOSE
This test is designed to assess whether or not you are a transsexual,
transvestite, a woman or RuPaul. This test should take no more then
ten minutes' time.
Answer each question quickly and honestly with the with the first
thought that comes into your mind.
Do not think about it - thinking is bad.
Use a number two pencil
Begin.
Question 1: You are 10 years old and you have just been caught by
your mother burrowing around in your sister's closet. Your mother
looks straight at you and asks you what you are doing. You tell your
mother:
A. That the little creep stole your baseball glove which is as good
an excuse as any because she'll never find that issue of Penthouse
that you stashed away in the corner.
B. About your pet salamander which you "lost" in there last evening.
C. That you're measuring closet space and it's not fair that *she*
gets to have 6 feet more room then you!
D. That those shoes don't really work with that eye shadow she has on.
E. Not to worry, that you're just looking to see if Sis has borrowed
your WonderBra once again.
Question 2: Where do you purchase your favorite undies?
A. Anywhere a three pack of briefs costs less than five bucks.
B. I don't wear underwear.
C. Frederick's of Hollywood
D. Victoria's Secret
E. K-Mart
Question 3: Congratulations! You just got married, the ceremony is
over and you are going to spend your first night together on your
honeymoon. Your wife, hot in your passionate embrace, lets her
wedding gown slide to the floor and coyly asks to be excused to the
bathroom for a moment. You're flustered but you agree and while she's
in there you:
A. Turn on ESPN and catch the latest score.
B. Check out the lingerie section of your wife's luggage. Oh man...oh
man! This is going to be a great night!
C. Wonder what it would be like if *she* was on top.
D. Pick up the wedding dress form the floor and quickly try it on -
just for size.
E. Debate with yourself whether telling her that waterproof mascara
wouldn't have run like that during the ceremony would ruin the moment.
Question 4: You're an internationally acclaimed photographer and your
boss has just told you that you've been assigned to shoot this year's
Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition! You look him square in the eye
and:
A. Drool....just drool.
B. Take off your wedding ring, give it to him and say "Here, hold
this for me until I get back OK?"
C. Think, "Ohhhh...great. I'll probably miss the season finale of
Voyager now!"
D. Say, "Mary, that's so overdone! Why not have me cover that Warhol
retrospective instead?"
E. Refuse to be a party to anything that has consistently denigrated
women like this!
Question 5: Who is the first person that comes to mind when asked to
name a shining example for women everywhere to follow:
A. Traci Lords
B. Brittany Spears
C. Dame Edna
D. Patsy and Edina
E. Indira Ghandi
Question 6: It's Saturday night and you're at a singles bar (again).
Across the bar you spot the most gorgeous woman that you've seen in
ages. Hair, legs, clothes makeup - she's got it all! The next thing
you do is:
A. Turn on that old college charm, walk right up to her and
say, "Baby, I want you to know that this is not a line but when I saw
you I knew that you must be a Virgo, right? Because I'm a Taurus and
you know what they say about Virgos and Taurus men right? Am I right?
<wink> <wink>..."
B. Tell the bartender to order her another drink...."anything she
wants as long as it's beer"
C. Undress her in your mind... and then dress her up again in a
lovely three piece Donna Karan tweed outfit that you saw over in
Macy's last week.
D. Turn green with envy and order another drink for yourself - make
it a double.
E. Walk up to her and let her know that there's a little piece of
toilet paper trailing from the bottom of her shoe.
Question 7: Which of the following do you most closely identify with:
A. John Wayne
B. The guy who runs the comic book store on "The Simpsons"
C. George W. Bush
D. Boy George
E. Janet Reno
Question 8: Just the thought of being married to Loraine Bobbit makes
you:
A. Shrink
B. Shiver
C. Cum
D. Think about your old boyfriend
E. Envious
Question 9: You've been comped front row seats to hottest review on
the Las Vegas strip. The show starts and a gorgeous Red-head not more
then six feet in front of you of up on stage starts doing high kicks.
The first think that you notice is:
A. That she's not wearing any panties.
B. That the Blonde behind her has *much* bigger tits.
C. That a little bit of liposuction on those thighs wouldn't hurt
anyone.
D. That her shoes are Italian designer.
E. That her hands seem a bit too large now don't they?
Question 10: You've been promoted to Vice-President of production!
And you've been given your own office to boot! Now It's time to
decorate. You need something for your wall so you go out to your
local poster shop and bring back:
A. An officially sanctioned and autographed Raiders photo.
B. That Cindy Crawford poster they wouldn't let you put up before.
Screw them - you're the boss now!
C. An arial view of San Francisco with the Castro district
prominently centered.
D. A picture of Marilyn Monroe getting her skirt in that updraft
overlaid in purple neon.
E. A reproduction of that Life photograph of Renee Richards winning
her final match.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Congratulations!
You are finished and are well on your way to determining your true
destiny. Here' How To Score The DIANATI:
Give yourself :
1 point for every A that you choose
2 points for every B that you choose
3 points for every C that you choose
4 points for every D that you choose
5 points for every E that you choose
RESULTS:
10 - 23
You're a Lumberjack but you're OK. You're likely not transgendered at
all. No need to worry. Stay out of Sis' closets though, OK?
24 - 35
Is she or isn't she? You could swing both ways Baby. Don't invest in
any new business suits just yet.
36 - 45
You Go Girl! RuPaul and Dame Edna watch out, 'cause there's a new
girl a commin'! It's not possible to say at this point whether you
are a transsexual or a transvestite but either way you look just
Fabulous!
45 and above
Remove the Vegematic and any sharp utensils from the kitchen. You are
definitely a transsexual. You do not need two letters from a
therapist - take the results of this test to any certified SRS
surgeon and you be put in the priority queue. Stock up on Maxi-pads.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Personally though, I'd rather challenge Edi & Pats, but would probably be seen as Saffy 
