How To Shop??

[TamaraSegunda]

A few years back, my wife was stricken by an illness that puzzled her so-called HMO doctor, and gradually made her a semi-invalid. She could get around with a walker, but she not only felt unsteady in it, she hated being seen as disabled.

To make a long story short, I took over almost all of the errands outside of the house. I shopped for groceries, took the clothes to the cleaners -- and bought everything that either of us needed. I shopped for and bought regular clothing (pants, tops, occasionally a dress or a jumper), panties, bras, sleepwear, hosiery, menstrual products -- you name it. Because I knew this stuff was for my wife and I was getting it for her, I never once felt embarrassed or slunk around the stores like a criminal. In Nordstrom, I learned to walk right up to the Bobbie Brown counter and found myself saying stuff like, "I need some Moisture Rich Foundation in beige, and a tube of the semi-matte lip color in Mango."

I'm sure it won't surprise most of the readers of this forum when I say that no one ever so much as raised an eyebrow at me. The closest anyone ever came (and I don't think any offense was intended) was the time a clerk bagged up a half-dozen pair of VF panties and, instead of wishing me good-day, simply smiled and said, "Enjoy them." Part of the reason for this, I'm sure is that I really was confident. And if anyone had ventured any sort of rude remark, you can be sure I wouldn't have hemmed and hawed and explained that the thing I was buying wasn't for me. No, I was always ready with the same sentence (which, thankfully, I never had to use): "Would you kindly call your supervisor and ask her to come and join us?"

Anyway, at some point, it just got to the point that it was no big deal. I realized that if the sales clerks wanted to speculate about me (my wife is of a size that her clothes would more-or-less fit me), well, they would be wrong. And finally it dawned on me that if they wanted to speculate about me even if I were buying for myself, they would be wrong then, too.

Just to finish the story, after almost a year, we were referred by a friend in the medical profession to a new doctor who took a fresh look at my wife and within days discovered that her system was not properly absorbing the calcium supplements she'd been taking for years. With medication she was back on her feet within a couple of weeks, and is now much, much improved.
On the other hand, she realizes how much fun I was having at some of this stuff, so any time it's inconvenient for her, she knows she'll always have me as her "personal shopper."
.......Tamara Segunda

[Samantha Jane]

In England you regularly see guys looking and buying in womens shops. I do it all the time, whether I'm buying a present for the wife or something for myself. I will spend ages rummaging through bras and panties, people just don't seem to take any notice.
I will often ask the assistant to give me advice on clothing or help me choose a dress, as she is none the wiser. The only thing I have not done yet is ask to try on a dress in the changing room, but one day I will!!! 99% of the time most people assume you are buying for a wife/girlfriend. Act bold and decisive, like you know where you are at and they will not even notice you. If even they do, it none of their business and you have every right to be there.
As for hiding everything from your SO, you be surpised how naturally ingenious you become in hiding your secret. Small amounts of clothes, a pair of shoes etc and ready to hand, I hide under the floor boards. The rest is stored in the loft, in my den (such a male term, but I can't spell boudoir), where the wife never goes. I could go on all night about hiding things, as I have been doing it for 35 years

Charlotte xx

[Amelie-Laveau]

Like Tamara says, no one will even notice what you buy. Like Tamara says the sales help can get in trouble if they insult you. Also, try to remember the last time you went to Wal-Mart or a store like that. Now try to remember what the person in front of you was buying,,,well he probably can't remember what you were buying either. Just hold your head up and shop, like you've done it many times before.
As far as hiding my clothes, I don't. I don't have anyone to hide from. I am on another forum where some of the members hide their clothes in a locked toolbox. I wouldn't have enough room for my make-up in a toolbox, let alone wigs and clothes.

[DonnaT]

Additionally, I've had a couple of comments from sales clerks, and simply made a reply that indicated that they were for me. The clerks, thinking they were making a joke, soon became flustered by my putting the embarrassment back on them.

Once they overcame this, the conversation was very cordial.

[SharonRose]

I used to shop only by internet, but then, with the support of a few supportive friends, I decided to go out dressed en femme.

Since then, I have gone out shopping many times.

I agree with what Amelie posted about most people not caring. Also, life is too short to worry about what other people think.

And if you find that the sales associates at a store are not friendly, simply take your business elsewhere.

My SO knows about my crossdressing so I don't have to hide my clothes from her. I do keep everything put away in case we have guests over.

Sharon Rose

[RikkiOfLA]

On my last job where I still dressed male, I began to incorporate a lot of women's wear into my male wardrobe. I had several pairs of women's pants and jeans, some nice tailored blouses, and a few pairs of shoes. I carried a simple but large black purse everyday too, of course.

I often had to work a split shift, with a four or five hour break between shifts. So I would hop the bus and go out to the mall and do a little shopping.

I discovered that shopping in women's departments and stores this way was no problem. The clerks would know the clothes were for me (since they were like what I was wearing), and would even ask me if I wanted to try things on. I tried on skirts and dresses too.

It worked great.

[Violet]

The only reason not to shop for yourself, is the shame you may be feeling. I'll tell you a secret: shopping for underwear sill makes me nervous, even though I'm more than happy to take skirts or dresses into the change room without batting an eye. The best solution is just to ignore the discomfort. Clerks are required to be polite to you, or lose their job (you shouldn't have to push this. If anyone's rude or goes overboard in making insinuations, just ask to speak with the manager and they should back down pretty quick). And in any case, who cares what they think? They're hired help. They could be machines for all their opinion matters.

[Julie J]

I also am one of these people who has no problem buying female attire. I learnt long ago it was a frame of mind thing, by this I mean that the doubts you have although real to you are unfounded.

Shop assistants in the bigger stores like Wal-Mart are normally trained to sell to CD's like any other customer.

The other girls here have already given great advice so I hope you'll soon be able to overcome this hurdle.

JJ

[Anne]

I agree with the other girls on shopping with confidence.

Last time I bought a favorite bra at Wal-Mart, I used the checkout where you do the scanning yourself. Just another item scanned & bagged.

Anne

[Kerri]

Hi,

Youre no different to any of the rest here. We have all experienced this problem.

I learned to shop out of my home area, this reduced my fear of discovery. I would never state "its for me", but then if a shop assistant then said "do you want to try it on?" , I'd say "sure, if its OK."

I wouldn't adopt the late night on femme style of shopping, you would just add to your fear of discovery.

I only ever hid my gear from my colleagues in the Airforce and my kids in later years.

Generally in the airforce I hid my gear inside my hifi. In the seventies speakers were huge empty boxes with a six inch cone inside. Perfect for storing a few pieces. I used to buy most of my gear from charity shops and binned it regularly too, only to buy fresh gear when the urges became too strong.

I still hide a few pieces from my wife, like my french maids outfit. I have dozens of regular shirts in my wardrobe, about three per hanger. Some shirts have other feminine things hung inside them instead.

Take the advice of my friends here.

tara

Kerri

[Beth]

I love shopping at wal mart. I use to turn into a pile of jello when I did shopping for bra and panties or even hose. I also loved the feeling when I was walking out of the store after I paid for my new things. I could not wait until I got into my car to look at what I bought.

Now, I can go in and buy my things and I like the idea that people may think that these are for me. But they never know that they are indeed for me.

I am a over the road driver and I can shop out of town if I want and with no fear of running into anyone I know.

[Kristen]

You are psyching yourself out. clerks could care less is your buying panties , bras, feminine napkins, nails, motor oil or makeup. They just want to get thru their day and go home like the rest of us. Settle down, you may want to try just looking and not buy anything. I once looked for 2 hours at bra and panties at Walmart , didn't buy a thing and had no intention of buying,, it does take the streess away a bit. the nest time I went shopping I knew exactly what I wanted and went in dressed in a cowgirl outfit, went when it was fairly busy and no one gave me second look until I almost fell, when walking out. The clerk (female ) was very concerned that I alsmost fell and called me mame', I'm 54, so I was very happy. But I had more confidence because i knew what I was purcahsing, before hand knew where it was , didn't have the slightest tinge of embarrasment. Try it you like it. ( looking without buying. ) Hope you can have fun shopping at some point and not get so tied uup in knots. Kepp smilin,keep dressin and keep postin......Kristen

[Wendy]

Over the years, I've learned where to shop and at what times for the lowest audiences.

I used to shop at department stores alot, but now I have incorporated thrift stores into my shopping list of stores. I have found that thrift stores offer the best prices, but not necessarily the best selection on lingerie items. On the other hand, my last few trips to the thrift store has netted two beautiful lingerie items from Undercover Wear.

I try to go to department stores that have no salesperson, that way I can browse around without anyone asking if I need assistance. Unfortunately, these stores may not carry items that I'm looking for, for instance body shapers.

Anyways, I used to be very self conscience about walking into the ladies intimate apparel section, fearing that people may point fingers at me and call me a wierdo. So I would go right when the stores open so I could have the whole lingerie department to myself for 20-30 min. Eventually, I got over this, and like everyone said, you have as much right to be there as anyone else. I figure as long as you don't steal or do anything wierd, no one will even give you a second look.

I've only had two cashiers give me a 'dirty look' when paying for lingerie. One time it was for a white teddy, and the other was a full length body shaper with leg cincher. Other than that, all the cashiers just ask how I am doing, I pay, and they say have a good day.

I still have a nasty habit of buying something male when I go shopping for wendyniki.

I try shopping on weekdays, that way everyone is at work and most of the stores are deserted. When I get home, I rip off all the tags, combined with the sales receipt, and shred everything.

BTW, walmart is one of my favourite places to go as they have a good selection of girdles and body shapers.

[Virginia]

First, several of our sisters have eluded to the fact that "no one cares any more."
Second, if it does bother you, not necessarily picking out the "supplies" but paying for it, most WalMarts now have a self-checkout and it is relatively easy to use.
Quick story, I went to my local Goodwill Store yesterday and found a really cute skirt. I have been in there enough that they know me and at the checkout one of the girls held up the skirt and said (oh! I was en drab) "still buying these real cute clothes, I see, wish I could wear a skirt like that!" I just smiled and thought, Honey if you only knew?!!
As for shoppping late at WalMart, I have been in ours after mid-night and Honey, the thinks that come our from under their rocks at that time of night a scary, I'd be very careful.
Just take the advise from us, Honey, just do your thing, if your money is green or your card is not rejected Nobody care what you are buying! Have you ever been asked who it is for or why you are buying that? I think not and anyway it is easy to simply say either "Ain't none of your business" or "Isn't it nice? I think (she) will love it!"
Rock on Darlin!
LOve,
Virginia

[Wendy]

As for shoppping late at WalMart, I have been in ours after mid-night and Honey, the thinks that come our from under their rocks at that time of night a scary, I'd be very careful.

In our area, during weekday mornings walmart is usually attended by senior citizens, so it is pretty safe.

But I agree, late at night you get some really strange people shopping and buying women's attire at that hour could raise a few eyebrows.