what is the difference

Absaroka · Post by **Absaroka** » Tue Feb 08, 2005 1:49 pm

Many crossdressers seem to me to be saying that they do this partly to get in touch with their feminine side. Hence my question. What do people here see as being different between men and woman? Or more personally, hw are you different (besides in appearance) when en femme rather than en drab?

For myself I find that much of what I feel defines me as a man does not differentiate me from women so much as it differentiates me from boys. Many of the aspects of who I am, although they might be viewed as feminine, to me are just who I am and neither male nor female. For example caring for my children, being loving and attentive, trying to be attuned to others.

Physical attributes that some find feminine I find masculine. Long hair and earings are very masculine if worn a certain way. And with all the effort to design womens clothes that will attract men to the women wearing them, what could be more natural than for some men to get excited just by the clothes? But that is me, and there is always a sexual component to crossdressing for me even when I am not actually aroused. From what I can tell from these and other forums, for some people this is about something very different

Looking forward to everyone's thoughts.

Andrea

Post by **DonnaT** » Tue Feb 08, 2005 1:59 pm

I've never dressed in order to get in touch with my feminine side. I doubt I even have a feminine side.

About the only thing feminine with me (besides the clothes) are my emotions having been awakened more, if you can actually call these emotions feminine. And it does not matter whether I'm enfemme or not.

Virginia · Post by **Virginia** » Tue Feb 08, 2005 6:09 pm

Andrea, You know if one looks at the animal kingdom, the male lion with the big mane, the male peacock has the colorful tail feathers, the male red bird is brignt red. In a lot of cases the male is the "colorful" one in order to attract a female. Western culture do not respect the ability of one to have both sexual characteristics. In other cultures, India for instance and even the American Indian respected and in some cases almost worshiped those who could emit both genders. It is strictly a cultural thing with Us, i.e., Western culture. We allow our women to wear virtually anything considered of male attire but let a guy wear anything faintly resebmbling female attair and you would think an axe murderer was running loose. Granted our society is being a bit more tolerant but very slowly, witness the show "He's a Lady!" It was a small step but it was a step. More and more research is being done on understanding the " why we are born this way?!" It furthr appears that for some of us as we age and the testotorone begins to fade our fenminine self become more pronounced, yet for some it was always there, but because of the social stigma was repressed or supressed till they die while others of us welcome this gift with open arms - once we figure out what it is and learn that it is something that not olny benefits us but can benefit all thiose that we come into contact with.
For Virginia I love the emotions it gives me 24/7 and as for the dressing, I love the smells, the feels of the clothing, the sensations in movement and yes the someitmes unwanted attention as a female.
I am enjoying my Magical Mystery Tour and I owe a lot of it to my sisters on this forum!
Virginia

Loretta Ann · Post by **Loretta Ann** » Tue Feb 08, 2005 10:50 pm

I've never dressed in order to get in touch with my feminine side. I doubt I even have a feminine side.

Donna...Perhaps many of us are simply using the term (feminine side) to describe a part of us that society in general does not or is not willing to recognize ?

When cross-dressed my body feels soft the way I envision a female would be, and it feels right as though that is the way I should feel, it feels natural. I never have felt like that in male clothing or nude. And I do not work at feeling that way it is just there when I wear the appropriate clothes, jewelry, etc.

I think that is perhaps what some refer to when they make the statement that Darlene, Virginia, Betty or what ever comes out, or rules, etc.

I too see it as just being me, but I think a term is required to communicate that.

There may be more to it than that for others, but that is the way I am.

Love Darlene.

Elizabeth · Post by **Elizabeth** » Wed Feb 09, 2005 4:01 am

Andea,

I don't have a feminine side either. I am one person. I used to project a false personality that exhibited what I thought were "male" charateristics because It was expected of me. But I never was very good at it, and I certainly did not really feel it.

Dressing in women's clothes is not sexual for me. I don't do it to get turned on, and I never have really been turned on by it, which is not to say I have never been turned on while dressed. Just that my reasons are not motivated by sexual release.

I dress 24/7 and before I dressed 24/7 I wore girls underwear 24/7. The need to do this is very deep seeded and the best way I can describe it is to say it gives me a feeling of well being. And it has been very progressive. Once I started wearing girls underwear all the time, I could not stop wearing them all the time, because of the loss of this feeling of well being. And now that I dress full time, I don't see how I could ever go back to dressing in male clothes full time.

Dressing in womens clothes feels so right to me. It feels so comfortable. I am not self concious about it at all. In fact, despite the fact that I dont' know the exact reason why, presenting myself as female is the only way I can be happy. It is like making the outide match the inside. When I am dressed "en femme" no one expects me to act masculine. I think being freed of this obligation may be the most rewarding part of dressing for me. And the fact that I love feeling "pretty".

Hope that helps.

Love always,
Elizabeth

Merinda · Post by **Merinda** » Wed Feb 09, 2005 5:56 am

Darlene wrote: I think that is perhaps what some refer to when they make the statement that Darlene, Vagina, Betty or what ever comes out, or rules, etc.

Love Darlene.

Did you mean Virginia ??

Loretta Ann · Post by **Loretta Ann** » Wed Feb 09, 2005 6:20 am

Ya I did thanks Merinda. I think my spell checker did a number on me. Any how I will blame it on that LOL.
I went back and changed it.

Catrina · Post by **Catrina** » Wed Feb 09, 2005 3:55 pm

Male side, female side, one side.
My two so called "sides" are so much entwined that I have only one side. When dressed en femme, I do seem to be more relaxed and comfortable. This is not far removed from when dressed in male mode.
Sides are non-productive allusions.

Jabbela · Post by **Jabbela** » Thu Feb 10, 2005 7:01 am

As I read through the previous posts, I was thinking about the question more and more. My first thought was - CDing gives my female side a possibility to express. My female side is more active, when en-femme.
But after a few minutes of thinking, I need to refine my first answer.
I also do not have a female side and a male side. I am what I am - not very wise, but true. But this "I" has aspects, that are more female than others - at least when viewed by "average" others.
I guess this is familiar to EVERYONE. In this case gender is very different to sex. I believe every human of both sexes has aspects of the opposite gender. There are not many pure men or pure women.

Back to my feelings when en-femme. First of all, it simply feels great. Even in female casual wear. Also, I often wear just skirts instead of trousers, as I love the difference between them. I often wear tights for a similar reason. I guess, when society wouldn't mind about men in skirts, I would wear them regulary.

Definately it makes me feel more female. I do not feel disguised in either mode, but I am happy, when en-femme, mostly as I can't wear female clothings 24/7.

What is more important to me is, that with CDing I started to be more self-aware. I guess this is part of the woman inside, that was suppressed for a long time. Now I take more care of my body than before. Maybe I was unhappy with my male body, so I didn't care so much. Even I still have a male body, when dressed en-femme I am more comfortable with it.