Crossdressers-Haven.com

It may have surprised some of my friends the other day to see Rikki buying a pair of over-the-knee boots. But I love boots, and these, in soft pigskin leather at $50, with 3" spike heels, were just too tempting to pass up.

The weather was cool that day. I was on my way to Naimie's, LA's two story makeup palace, so I wore them out of the shop and over to Naimie's. As I walked across Naimie's parking lot, in a black miniskirt and The Boots, several ladies smiled at me. That "what a nice boy!" smile. OK, I was read. It felt good, to tell the truth.

And that's when it hit me. I'm proud of being a tranny! Not the label--I could care less about that. But I'm proud of my friends in this community. They're the nicest people I've ever found. I'm really accepted here, by large numbers of people, for keeps. For the first time in my life. It feels good.

So I identify very much with the T community. It's a source of pride to be one of all of this.

I don't have many opportunites like that, where I can proudly proclaim my transgenderedness and it's totally cool. Most places, like for most of us, the object is to pass--for our own safety, for professionalism at work, to set a reverential tone at church, and so on. So I savor the chance to be wild, when I get it.

The Boots will get their next wearing this morning. My sweetie and I will be doing what married couples are supposed to do. Lovin'. She is flattered when I wear something sexy for her, and she usually reciprocates. So I'll team the boots up with my black tee shirt dress. It's actually a tee shirt a couple sizes too big and too long. So it's a perfect length for intimacy.

And then, if I go to the informal TG support group that meets every Monday night in Long Beach, I may wear The Boots again, over tight jeans, just to say I'm proud to be a Tranny.

Rikki I love the sentiments expressed in your post. In general I find the level of self acceptance and matter of factness in your posts to be helpful to me.

The comment about setting a reverential tone in church made me think. Our family attends a very welcoming church. If you asked the minister he would just say that this is what Jesus would do-all are in need of God's grace so how can anyone be turned away. As far as he is concerned if some Klansman shows up we would definitely need to welcome them too as God loves EVERYONE.

Anyway there is a person who attends of ambiguous gender. Like everyone else they have made it clear that they are in church to worship. They are friends with my wife.

I have to admit that this person makes me uncomfortable. And that has to do with me, not them. At a spiritual level this is not good. After all we chose this church because of its accpetance of such things. I have set myself a goal of trying to get to know this person a bit better to see if that helps. Maybe I will discover that I really don't want to be friends with them, but I hope not.

It makes me think, how much of my uncomfortableness lies with me just having all the usual societal learning and how much might have to do with not accepting who I am in this regard. Who knows.

Here's the nice thing about church. The answer to this problem lies in prayer


Thanks

Andrea

Andrea writes...

Anyway there is a person who attends of ambiguous gender. ... I have to admit that this person makes me uncomfortable.

Hi Andrea,

I understand the feeling you write about. I have felt it too. In my case, before I had FULLY accepted myself, when I would see someone who was dressed in a way that defied society's narrow rules of gender and dress, I would often feel an uncomfortable sense of pity and even some revulsion toward them. Today, when I see someone like that I feel admiration and respect. I often express it to them, at least in little ways like a smile. When the gesture is reciprocated, I feel goosebumps inside; I'm very glad to be alive!

What has made the difference is self-acceptance. I had to accept myself fully, especially all my gender uniqueness. That didn't happen over night--far from it. Because it ran far deeper inside my soul than I ever dreamed.

I had to accept that I would never be fully the man I was raised to be. That was hard. I had to accept that though the core of my being is definitely female, I would never be fully a woman either. Another hard blow. And I had to accept the fact that, while it was all due to the DES my mother took during pregnancy (I would probably have been miscarried without it!), it is pointless to blame the DES for the way I was clearly meant to be.

What has helped throughout this process is the love and acceptance of the wonderful TG community, especially here on this Forum. People who truly care for me, and not only accept me as I am, but are also role models, quietly and proudly living their lives, being who they are. You are all an inspiration to me, and to countless others.

And I've been able to reflect that positive attitude in my own life, and in my own little way, be a beacon of hope to other sisters and brothers.

And so, today when I look into the mirror, I see someone whom God made this way. Someone good. And I like what I see.

Andrea, I hope you will be able to become a friend to "this person." I hope you will learn their name. It may take a while to overcome their defenses, but it's worth the effort. Because I believe you will find someone with whom you have a lot in common. And that will make all the difference!

Hi Rikki,

Completely with everything you just wrote. I really have nothing to add to it other than to say I feel exactly like you, I had to accept the same things, and I feel accepted in my community. I have a sense that I am "their crossdresser" in my community.

Love always,
Elizabeth

Sounds like a plan Rikki. I have in fact spoken to my wife in the past about my feelings about this (they are friends) and told her that I thought I would like to get to know this person better.

I find that as long as I am judgemental about others self worth I can not refrain from judging myself also. Once I accept the idea that some people are somehow " less than" others it is inevitable that I begin to feel that way about myself also. By accepting others I accept myself.

Of course the arguement can be made that one must have moral standards and I totally agree. A great moral standard to me is to treat others the way I would want to be treated. This allows me to accept everyone yet retain moral prinicpals.

Thanks

Andrea

Good posts, Andrea, Elizabeth, and Rikki. A tranny life can be a wonderful thing, and I do think it's an inspiration to others, not just TG people.

My post-op friend is an administrator for a Unitarian church, and I've found I like going there every few weeks. I once would have had a lot of judgments about the people there. They don't fit conventional ideas of behavior or appearance, in many cases. But I find that my open-heartedness is greater than my judgmental side these days.

It really doesn't matter which behaviors are more "feminine," and which are more "masculine," or whether gender behavior is learned or instinctual. We could argue about that for days.

What I do know is that certain ways of seeing the world were just not available to me in my pre-tranny life. And I was an "explorer," too. I did lots of investigation into different therapies and ways of working with the body. I worked with groups, and I worked one-on-one with therapists.
I also followed spiritual disciplines. I got a lot out of these journeys, but none of them uncovered some of the simple behavior changes that I discovered by taking on a female identity!
These behaviors may or may not be "female," but for whatever reason, they were locked doors for me.

I struggled so hard to change certain things within the frame of "being a man." To 99% of the population, including myself, that was a given. You couldn't change that, so you HAD to solve the problem within that box. I certainly didn't identify with what little I knew about transsexuals--I wasn't a woman born into the wrong body. I had no idea that there were many shades of gray in that picture--it all looked black and white to me.

And it's chicken-and-egg. If you don't have any awareness of gender problems, then no counselor or therapist is going to suggest that you look into that area. Maybe that's changing now--I don't know. But on the surface, none of my problems appeared to have anything to do with gender.

If someone had said, "Well, if you start wearing female clothing in public, some of your behaviors will change," I would have been insulted and outraged. This is not something that you usually decide to do intellectually, as an experiment. It's something that comes up from deep within, and that's the only way I could have found the courage to follow the path. When I took that step, then the changes began. But I couldn't see them from the beginning points--and didn't know that I would welcome those changes, either.

I'm glad we're all on here, and can share these things!

I find that as long as I am judgemental about others self worth I can not refrain from judging myself also. Once I accept the idea that some people are somehow " less than" others it is inevitable that I begin to feel that way about myself also. By accepting others I accept myself.

That is about the best argument for tolerance I've ever heard.