Crossdressers-Haven.com

I went out Sunday afternoon, and hadn't done that for a long time. I took on the challenge of dressing light for a hot day. Spent a lot of time shaving, and then put on a tank top, with a bra that has clear and thin plastic straps. I went with no hose, a knee-length skirt, and put foundation on my legs. Brushed out my hair, put on gold earrings, and I was off!

Pride was going on in San Francisco, but I decided not to join some friends who had called. I was going to pick up a printer cartridge, and shop for groceries on Piedmont Avenue, my favorite Oakland shopping district.

Maybe because of Pride, I saw not one but two other TG gals! This has never happened when I was out dressed, and it was interesting, for sure.
One I was not sure of at all. Her body shape and her walk said that she was possibly transgender. She didn't notice me.

But the other gal was obvious. I was crusing the aisles at the Piedmont Grocery, which is so expensive that I seldom go in there. It was a mixed day for me, as far as blending in. I was feeling more self-conscious than I like to feel when out. Part of it was that summer outfit. It is just so much easier to go out when covered up, but it's also a give-away on a warm day.

I was scanning a shelf for chicken bouillon, and here came the other T-girl!
She was wearing a silver sleeveless blouse, almost like a muscle shirt. Now, that is the worst possible shirt for my build, and it was for her, too. She was thin, but that shirt made her shoulders and arms stand out. She had no makeup that I could see, and looked sort of like Bono from U2. Her wig was a long black one, tied up in back. She had on jeans. Other than having breasts or forms, she was clearly male.

She looked away from me in that furtive glance that I know only too well. I don't know if she even read me, for that reason. She seemed in a hurry. I watched her move to the front of the store, and I was grinning. I didn't feel so lonely in there anymore, although I didn't like my judgments about her appearance. But hey, those were her choices.

I went to a local coffee shop, and then went home. It is still a shame that there is little one can say to another CD or TG out on the streets. It's not a compliment to get read. I would have at least said, 'Hi" to the grocery store gal, but she was gone in a flash.

Hi Anita,
What an interesting event!! I really have no deep thoughts on this other than for me it would raise a multitude of questions to ponder for a while. Guess it did for you too,
Virginia

Hi Anita,

Very cool! I'm glad you had a day out en femme. I'm also glad that you got to see more TG'd people out there too. I can't wait until the day when I can go out and see at least one of us (baby steps). That would be so awesome.

I think one of the greatest things you said in your post was, "I didn't feel lonely anymore" that is so precious. I know that feeling all too well. The feeling of relief because I see someone like me. It's a huge release that I can't explain.

As you do this more is it always just as exciting or do you feel it's more normal these days?

Thank you so much for your post and starting this thread, it's fantastic!

Beauty

Beauty wrote:I think one of the greatest things you said in your post was, "I didn't feel lonely anymore" that is so precious. I know that feeling all too well. The feeling of relief because I see someone like me. It's a huge release that I can't explain.

Hi Beauty--
That is one of the first times I've ever felt that. Usually I'm out with other TG friends, so I already have support. Or else I'm out alone, and I don't see or meet anyone like me. I was surprised at how happy it made me. I chatted with people and clerks a lot more after that happened, and I was smiling.

As you do this more is it always just as exciting or do you feel it's more normal these days?

Some days still feel exciting. A new outfit, or someplace I haven't been before. Even on routine chores, like the groceries, it's almost always interesting to me in some way.

If I start feeling too "normal," then my behavior starts slipping. I don't try to exaggerate femme, but I have to watch my posture, my walk, my speech, and so on. At least, things go smoother if I do all these things.

Hi Anita,

I have had some similar experiences. Recently at my mailbox, Raven(SO) noticed a crossdresser in line in front of us. She was quite passable and I not only did not make her, but argued with Raven about whether or not she was in fact a crossdresser.

I am clearly not passable, and I am literally a man in a dress. The other crossdresser did not acknowledge me in any way, and avoided looking at me. When we were finished and went out to our car, the other crossdresser was standing in front of our car. she was facing our direction and it was only then I realized Raven was right, she was a crossdresser. However as soon as she saw me, she turned the other way then again changed the direction she was looking as we got into the car to make sure there was no chance of eye contact.

It really made me feel weird and I did not understand what happened. I guess she was afraid that she would be outted if she spoke to me, or was ashamed that I was not trying so hard to be passable. It also made me wonder how we are ever going to come together as a community when we can not even face each other in public.

Great post Anita.

Love always,
Elizabeth

Hi Elizabeth,

Thanks for being so open and honest about your feelings about what happened when you ran into that CD'r.

I get told I can pass, but I see glaring holes in the way I look when I dress, so I don't fully believe it. Maybe she saw you and knew you read her and ran the other way because of that? I don't really think she was upset at the way you were dressed. I do understand why you felt weird, but if I were her I would have been proud to be TG'd and humbled by someone who expresses themselves as who they are and isn't afraid of the reactions of others. That would have come after the nervous panic of being read though.

Well done Elizabeth!

Beauty

Hi Elizabeth,

I think that the actions of that cross dresser is nothing more than a witness to the closet she is in.

Love Darlene.

Hi Elizabeth--
I'd say your appearance probably set off a number of feelings in her, all at once, and she didn't know how to react. So she took the line of least resistance, which was avoiding you.

Maybe in ten years, there will be so many of us out there that a code will evolve about how to talk to other crossdressers or transgenders when out and about.

At the extreme, I know two TS women and one TS man who do not want to be greeted by crossdressers of any kind, because they feel that it will compromise their new identities. I don't know how common this feeling is. I would never want to try to live that deep in stealth, but I have to respect their feelings about it.

Being out in public as a crossdresser doesn't automatically make one at ease with other gender variations, I guess. It's very similiar to when we faced left-handed pitchers in little league baseball. My friends used to say, "Well, you're left-handed, too--why does it bother you?" and the answer is obvious--I'm just as lost when I see something new and different in front of me, even if I'm "one of them."

I'm not used to seeing others like myself out there in the world. It will be nice if we get so we can at least smile at each other! If it's any consolation, Elizabeth, I've seen other CDs be shy or ignore me at GLBT events where crossdressers were a minority in the crowd. You would think they would want to reach out, but it doesn't seem to work that way.