Crossdressers-Haven.com

Well ladies, I guess I will post this here as it does deal with fun stuff - at least for you as you can have fun pummelling me about the head and shoulders for my lack of follow through.
I had a bit of feminine intuition tonight - "go to Burlington Coat Outlet" it said, so I did. I wanted a couple of pair of thigh highs and to look for some heels - that's all. Well needless to say $100+ later I left. NOT THE POINT! While I was pulling blouses off the "sale" rack I heard a male voice near me. I looked up and there she was a for real (and if she is on the forum and reads this I so humbly apologize if I seem to offend you) in the flesh, "dressed' crossdresser. Now she was with a GG who my best guess mid to late 40's and from the jest of the conversation she was helping her friend pick out a few clothes. I held up a couple of blouses (to the side) in order to study this person. She had relatively short, but her own natural hair and color, mostly gray, but done in a nice feminine style.
Slacks and a sweater and a knee length coat. Nails had been professinally done but in a nice neutral color. Some light make-up and very light lipstick.
This was late this evening, I was exceptionally tired, I was holding three blouses, four pair of hose, three pair of panties, and a pair of heels. I could not bring myself to approach her - OH, I was en drab! sorry!!!!
I could have walked up to her and said, "Hi, my name is Virginia!" and just see what the response would have been. She did not seem the least bit concerned or nervous, and honey if you are reading this, it takes one to know one and you would not have come close to passing, but after considering your appearance and your composure, I don't think you really cared!!! Bless you!!!
I know she has not been to any of our support group meetings as with that face I know I would have recognized her!
OK girls, take your best shots, I know I should have approached her, but again, I was tired, I had been out all day, it was starting to sleet/snow, I had my arms full, blah, blah, blah. Guess I should have approached her huh??? One question before you take me to the wood shed, what would your opening line have been??? Remember I was en drab and she would not have passed in anyone's eyes ( my opinion)!
Love ya,
Virginia

Hi Virginia,

I am not so sure you needed to approach her for any reason. I have come across a couple of crossdressers and both did not appear to want to have a conversation with me.

One of them was more of a "gender bender". He had a full beard and outragiously large breastforms. We were walking right towards each other and passed each other have to turn sideways to get by one another. We just looked at each other and kept going. I am not sure I would have anything to say to him anyway.

The other was in line in front of me at the post office. I did not even know it was a crossdresser until Raven(SO) told me so. She looked at me after she left the line but looked away. When I went outside she was standing right in front of our car. As me and Raven approached the car she turned away from us, and continued to make sure she was turned 180 degrees from us at all times. I took that to mean she was not interested in being approached.

I beleive the closer someone is to being passable, the more they do not want to be approached and outted. I have nothing to back this up, just my sense of things.

I do like seeing other crossdressers out there though. It gives me a certain sense of security knowing I am not alone. I have heard that I am already referred to as "The west side crossdresser" so it is nice knowing they may not be referring to me, necessarily.

Anyway, I don't think anyone needs to take you to the woodshed.

Love always,
Elizabeth

Hi all,

Virginia,

I'll certainly take you to the woodshed! In the hopes, that is, that you'll help me carry a few logs back to the living-room fireplace.

I think Elizabeth's sense of things is right. I believe we had a thread going about this very subject way back when. At the time, the consensus was, "don't approach, however much you may be tempted to and however noble and friendly your intentions are." As usual, this is a case-by-case affair. I imagine most CD's who go out "femming" about town have used up a considerable part of their "courage reserve" and will do all they can to avoid detection as well as true contact and conversation. I did say "most," not all. For example, the one you were focusing on while you held four blouses in your hand (a dead giveaway for "eavesdropping," by the way; nobody compares four blouses at a time--you may as well have been reading a newspaper with an eight- inch rectangle cut out of the front page! ) that person, I say, doesn't seem as though she were worried about being approached. Maybe you should've approached her, eh? What's the worst that could've happened? Well, seeing as you don't know for sure what her reaction would've been, I think it's good that you held back. Especially if you're a powerlifter in drab, you know? You'll usually be able to tell if a "sister" wants privacy or if she wants to socialize; it's all in the eyes (assuming she doesn't avert her gaze) and in the body language.

Anyway, interesting sighting, Viriginia. I found it paralleled my own outing yesterday as I was boot and shoe shopping with my friend Carole while dressed as a woman (but not trying to pass--no makeup, wig, etc.). I guess reality occasionally has an echo.

Love,
CJ

+1 CJ!

I agree witht he others Virginia, as many CDs like to think they are passing no matter how much they really fail.

Of course, if your really wanted to, you could have held a blouse up under your chin and asked her if she thought it would look OK onyou.

Virginia -

I agree with CJ - the only reason to take you out to the woodshed would be to bring in some logs for the fireplace!

However, CJ also wrote:

For example, the one you were focusing on while you held four blouses in your hand (a dead giveaway for "eavesdropping," by the way; nobody compares four blouses at a time--you may as well have been reading a newspaper with an eight- inch rectangle cut out of the front page!)

I take exception to this comment, CJ, as I *do* compare several blouses at one time! ::hmpf!::

Obviously I'm not cd, but if I had read the fellow shopper as being cd - no matter if well dressed or not - the most I would have done would be to smile at her and/or nod my head, presuming any eye contact was made. That would let the person know I recognized her as cd, and I had no negative thoughts or feelings, leaving the 'door open' for any conversation she may wish to initiate. Does that make sense?

IMHO, you did the right thing, Virginia.

I have to agree with the others, Virginia....

No woodshed for you today!

I think most of us know when someone is inviting conversation. Usually you'll know when it's right. But, you could have always commented on the clothes they were looking at. It's always easy to make a call on a situation when you weren't there. I try to measure my response since I wasn't there.

Anyway... always good to see others out and about. Really helps you know that you aren't alone out there!

I think if the CD were smiling or seemed outgoing, then maybe you could approach but my instincts would be to not approach 99% of the time if I were in drab. It might make for an awkward situation but that's just my 2 cents.

Steffie

Virginia:
You did the correct thing in not approaching her as you had no feel for her reaction. I echo Steffie comment as had she been smiling, that would have been and intro to introduce yourself and startup a conversation.
.
I do hope that the blouses that you purchased were nice. Let us know in the What did you buy today.....

In general I agree it's better to err on the side of not approaching someone. As Steffie said, body language is a good cue about how they're feeling and whether they might get freaked out.

OTOH, one doesn't have to open the conversation by saying "Hey girlfriend, I see you're a crossdresser too!" When I've been shopping I've made small talk with other customers -- and they with me -- so saying something like a particular outfit would look good on her (assuming that's true) would be a good way to strike up a conversation. Their response should make it clear whether they're interested in talking.

Virginia wrote:Well ladies, I guess I will post this here as it does deal with fun stuff - at least for you as you can have fun pummelling me about the head and shoulders for my lack of follow through ...

Guess I should have approached her huh??? One question before you take me to the wood shed, what would your opening line have been???

Hi Virginia,
Tnx for the welcome back
- and it's nice to CU again, but I'm a bit concerned about your apparent 'special interest' in being taken "to the woodshed"

As for the opening line, I know of a good one that didn't work for me once in "Mr.Spaceman" mode, but it may be worth a try as a T-gal if you see a 'person of interest' in the supermarket cat food section
- while pointing to a particular selection, a very casual, friendly, passing comment such as
"This one is *delicious* on toast with a bit of chili sauce"
will usually get their attention without seeming overly aggressive
~
h's / Marda

Virginia

Without dragging you to that wood shed this time, (where you do seem to spend a lot of time btw) I'll add my vote to those who suggested not approaching them. I have seen other CD's out and about and tempting as it is to approach them, my feeling is that they most likely are trying to pass, and if I outed them, it might be a really deflating (read:earthshattering) experience for them, especially if that was their first time out. If I was predisposed to striking up a conversation, I like Donna's suggestion of asking them if they are within earshot if a femme item of clothing would suit me. In most cases though, if I'm in drab, I will usually just smile and go on my merry way.

CJ, that was a hoot.

For example, the one you were focusing on while you held four blouses in your hand (a dead giveaway for "eavesdropping," by the way; nobody compares four blouses at a time--you may as well have been reading a newspaper with an eight- inch rectangle cut out of the front page!

Stephanie