Another chance out with my wife

Steffie · Post by **Steffie** » Wed Apr 05, 2006 7:29 pm

Hi girls,

This is a long post; so sorry for that.

To summarize: my wife and I (Steffie) are going out together again for the first time in about 6 months. It will be to a far away place as described below but first some background.

My wife has always been accepting of my crossdressing and allows me to go out to CD meetings or out with my CDing friends and for that I'm grateful. However, one of the few times my wife tried going out with me en-femme last October (to a couple of clothing stores) did not end well in that she said she saw people staring and laughing at me. This understandably upset her and she said in the future she did not want to go out as this bothered her but I could still go out as Steffie, which I have been doing. However, I consider my wife as my best friend and it is sad not to be able to share this part of me with her. Since that time, my wife has not really seen me dressed as I always leave the house as male, change and return male. However, I have tried to dress more like most GG's as to try not to stand out. I wore some women's slacks or jeans on some occasions with boots instead of high heels.

Just last week when my wife and I were at a mall shopping for both her and me (as my male self of course), we came across this store with some expensive coats (like mink and some less expensive ones, etc.). We went in and my wife tried some on. She knew they were like realy high but she asked half kiddingly if she could get some kind of coat. I wispered to her (also half-kiddingly) that if Steffie could go out with her, then maybe I might be more inclined to get her something lke that. [grin] I expected her to say something like: Yea, right!" but to my surprise she then said that was possible. I was in a bit of shock when I heard this as I didn't expect this.

I asked if she were really serious and she replied yes. Needless to say, I then started to rekindle my hopes of going out with my wife en-femme again. I then said I would just want to go out with her only once in a while (i.e. not ask for too much at once) but not too close to home. I also didn't want just a one shot deal. She then said if it were in a place far away from NJ then it would be fine and if people would stare, it wouldn't bother her.

Well the next day or so she then comes up with the idea of going somewhere. She likes gambling but AC is too close so she then decides she wants to go to Las Vegas. She says on our departure day from NJ (April 13) I should stay male and on return trip (April 16), also stay male but she says I can be Steffie on April 14 and 15.

We had some frequent flyer miles so we used them for the Easter weekend and she found a nice casino/hotel to go to. Thus I get to be Steffie in Las Vegas for 2 days!

I am an optimistic person and am posting this under Fun Stuff while CDing. I am indeed exited about this but there is still a part of me deep down fearing (overanalyzing?) there can still be a repeat of last October: what if someone stares and my wife sees?

I know my wife thought before in October that this would be OK but when we were at the stores reasonably far from our home (about 50 miles), she couldn't handle the staring. I don't know if over 2000 miles will make any difference? Maybe I should just stay around her for a short time, hope no one stares and walk away to a safe disance and try to build on this "positive" rather than stay close too long? I also don't want to cause my wife any discomfort either (from other people making eyes or staring).

I'm happy though that she gave me a second chance. I guess though there are two strikes and I have to swing away and either I'll hit a home run (uneventful weekend) or I'll strike out (people staring and my wife reacting like last October?). It'll be an adventure though and better to try than never to get a chance I guess. Very seldom does a seond chance come along. Thanks for reading my long post.

Steffie

Anita · Post by **Anita** » Wed Apr 05, 2006 8:27 pm

This is a tough one, Steffie. There's very few of us that aren't going to get some looks and stares. I don't notice them myself that much, but a person who's with me may notice them more.

I would not want to be with someone that I knew had a problem with the stares, because it would make me so self-conscious that I couldn't relax and enjoy myself enfemme. Going out dressed is a constant mixture of blending in and standing out, and since it's only me I have to think about, I never pay much attention to the mix.

You're able to go out by yourself, and that's good. So you don't have to have your wife as a companion in order to go out. You can't control people's reactions to you, so you may have to accept that your wife may never get over HER reactions to what goes on, and there's little you can do. It is not a matter of becoming perfect at your female mannerisms. Even post-op women I know have to deal with reactions sometimes--it's just part of our lives.

It is good that your wife is willing to try once again.

Post by **DonnaT** » Thu Apr 06, 2006 6:45 am

I hope you and your wife have a good time Steffie.

You might want to talk some more with your wife. Tell her that even some of the best at dressing enfemme get spotted sometimes. Thus there will definitely be instances of people staring. But so what, it's not like you know any of them or they'll have any affect on the rest of your life. Ask her not to watch for other peoples reactions and just enjoy the time together.

What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.

Virginia · Post by **Virginia** » Thu Apr 06, 2006 6:58 am

Steffie,
Good luck, I have to agree with Donna, another talk with your wife may be in order. Hope you or she do not think you bought this "opportunity" with the coat! You gotta know that ain't gonna work all the time. Bribery can come back to bite you on - well you know where. If you do end up in Vegas what Donna says and their motto "What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas" is true, but I must also say it is the people watching capital of the world. If you have never walked "The Strip" it is awe inspiring but everyone and I mean everyone gets the once over from everyone else - it is the nature of the beast so to speak. I have been to Vegas many times and it is a fabulous city for entertainment, but as I said it is a people watching place! No one will question you however so if you can stand the looks - if anyone does read you then don't worry ain't no big deal!
Have fun and you know my motto:
"Woman, go forth and BE!"
Love ya,
Virginia

Steffie · Post by **Steffie** » Thu Apr 06, 2006 12:30 pm

Hi Donna, Anita and Virginia!

I've had a chance to reflect on the advice I've gotten the last couple of days, especially while at work today. I've gotten a lot of sound and wise advice from a lot of great girls from this forum (and another forum I posted on too).

I do plan on talking to my wife again. However, after we spoke about the trip last night, there are tell-tale signs for me to beware. First my wife did say that we could walk through one of the malls there but then said I should probably wear ladies sneakers (i.e. not high heels). I asked her if low heeled sandals are OK and she said yes they were. That's a sign right there that it's still in the back of her mind about people staring. I was thinking about taking an extra outfit or four. I'll just make the decision of what to wear when I'm there (not in advance) and I'll have all kinds of outfits (where some won't be worn) to fit the environment around where I will be, especially casual clothes to blend in more. My wife also sugested having one of the makeover places there come to our room (or us go there) and making me up once which I agree with: this way I can lean more about makeup. She also says maybe I should get another wig while there, which makes sense to me too. I never tried on a wig as Steffie; so this may be a good opportunity to get a wig my wife will like on me.

Finally, although I was going to dress 2 full days, I think maybe I should spend part of the 2 days as male also. I think my wife would want my male self a little more there anyway and I'm sure there are things I can also do there as male. Thus instead of a dinner with my wife as Steffie in the evening, I think I will spend part of the day as Steffie an then go run up to the room, shower, become male and join my wife for dinner. Crossdressing is definitely give an take and giving back (giving my wife her husband for reasonable time) is very crucial. I definitely don't want to "bribe" my wife either, just include her some more to see my other side.

I'll post about the trip after we return. Maybe I an even get my wife to take some pictures of Steffie (but I will also make sure she and her HUSBAND are also in a few lol) and I can post in the gallery here. Thanks, girls for all you sage advice! It's nice to have good friends that can give you advice. Hugs.

Steffie

Elizabeth · Post by **Elizabeth** » Thu Apr 06, 2006 6:28 pm

Steffie,

Because I am out with my wife all the time, I feel I am a good person to address this issue. It is my beleif that we experience exactly what we expect to. When Raven first got here, more than a year ago, while she was not reluctant to go out with me, she did notice people that she felt were staring at me.

She was expecting to find people staring at me, so she was cognizant of it, and that is exactly what she saw. Once in a while I do notice someone staring, but usually I do not. I just don't care. Raven however is protective of me and loves me and wants to kick anyone's a$$ who would dare to show negative emotions towards me.

She felt that I drew a lot of attention because my own natural hair was thinning badly and actually left almost bald spot on the back of my head, where i could not see it, but others clearly could. Raven suggested I bite the bullet and get a wig. I did, and accordingly she noticed that far less people were noticing me.

This led to her suggesting I try to make myself less noticable by not advertising I am male. She felt that not wearing any breastforms made me an oddity and therefore much more noticable. So I started wearing fake breasts also and low and behold I became virtually invisable.

Not that anyone can not tell I am a man in a dress, but it seems if I go through the effort to try to pass, people will give me the benefit of the doubt to some degree and at a distance I do not attract much attention at all, because I am not sending out signals that I am not really what I appear to be.

If your SO is expecting she is going to go out with a crossdresser and no one is going to notice, I do not think that is realistic, with the exception of a few crossdressers that are 99% passable. I beleive that it is better to adopt that attitude that one is not going to care if others notice.

Love always,
Elizabeth

Post by **DonnaT** » Thu Apr 06, 2006 9:14 pm

I reckon you are aware that Glamour Boutique is in Vegas
714 E, Sahara Ave. #250
(National Title Company Building)
Las Vegas, NV 89104
Telephone 702-697-1800
Fax 702-697-1700
Toll Free 866-692-1800
E-mail Vegas Store :
glamourboutique2@aol.com

Not a large place, but they do have some interesting things.

There are wig stores all over the place as well and sales were evident in most when I was there last June.

I think it's a good idea not to try and spend too much time enfemme there, especially in heels. Hard enough walking the stip in tennis shoes.

Stephanie W · Post by **Stephanie W** » Fri Apr 07, 2006 6:06 pm

Hi Steffie

Try not to overanalyse the situation. Weighing up all the 'might happens' and 'might not happens' will only make you anxious and perhaps even ruin the excitement of your trip. If your wife is agreeable, just take a few outfits and see what happens. Once you get to Vegas, your wife might feel more relaxed and less concerned about those stares and may even be comfortable having Steffie around for both days. If not, no biggie, as long as you have a good time together. Better that than falling out over sartorial choices.

Stephanie

Steffie · Post by **Steffie** » Sat Apr 08, 2006 10:37 am

Hi Stephanie,

I think that the male part in me that is doing the overanalyzing. I hope what you say comes to pass. I'll post about my experience after Vegas. By the way, I was going to offer to go with my wife Saturday night as my male self with her to the show she got us tickets for. She said, however, it was OK for Steffie to go with her. I asked if she was positive and she said yes.

Who am I to argue with a lady? [grin] She then mentioned that whatever happens in Vegas stay in Vegas. I hope she thinks this way throughout.

Anita · Post by **Anita** » Sat Apr 08, 2006 12:24 pm

Hi Stephanie--

Steffie wrote: She said, however, it was OK for Steffie to go with her. I asked if she was positive and she said yes.

That is encouraging to hear about, S. Your wife is working with you on this, by offering an evening out that you didn't request.

As for changing back and forth in Las Vegas; try to not lock yourself in with this. There are days when I want to keep going, once I've got my femme presentation up and running, so to speak. There are other days where I'm willing to change back without any hassles. We can't always predict which days are which!