Memoirs of a Vegas girl

[Steffie]

Hi girls,

I thought I'd post about my trip to Vegas. Overall I thought it was a positive experience but there were some rough moments too as described below. I got some new wigs there and even went for a makeover and posted the pics from that in the photo gallery.

My first day there I scouted out in male mode where I was going to go later as Steffie and made sure I knew where all the places were. I walked the strip as I love walking. In the evening my wife and I had a romantic dinner.

The next day I dressed as Steffie. One of the positive experiences from that day was when my wife and I first left our room and took the elevator to the lobby, when we got off, one of the hotel employees said to us: 'Good morning, ladies." That made me feel good. Even if he knew I were a guy, at least he still treated me with respect. Next I got a couple of new wigs as my wife said my wig didn't look good. My wife went with me as I didn't want to hear later on that she didn't like it (like with my previous wig). This way she was there and could tell me which ones she liked. Plus I tried on the wigs as Steffie (as opposed to last year where I went in male mode). This time I got a long hair wig (which I wore in the pics taken).

Next we went for a drive together and that was fine. Then we ended up at the Hilton to gamble. My wife played the slots and I did for a while too and won some. I walked around some. During this time I tried to walk like a lady and I think I pretty much did. However, there was a brief time when I was searching for my wife and I think in my haste I started reverting to a male walk. Anyway, next thing I know this waitress comes up behind me and says something to the effect that I had a pretty face and my makeup was good but I needed to look the part too (i.e., walk like a lady). She then said that she is older but because she walks with her head up high, she is still a pretty lady (which I agree with). That was nice to hear from her (that I was pretty) though.

Next I went to another casino (Circus Circus) and played dice. I actually had a decent roll and won some money. In fact at that table, most of the shooters didn't do that well so that helped my roll stand out a little more. I think I made the others at the table some money. Is this what they mean by lady luck? lol

The money I won as Steffie more than offset my losses as male the night before. I guess state of mind helped.

Walking back to Hilton though (it was a bit windy), to meet my wife, I passed some guy and he said hello and I waved and the the next thing he is saying: "I know you're a sir!" My male instincts told me to turn around and say to him: "Yea but I'm still twice the man you are." However, I just kept walking and said nothing.

This turned out to be a portent of things to come though (i.e., with my wife). When I met my wife everything seemed to be OK. However, it was about this time she began to get self-conscious (like she did last time she went out with me as Steffie). It all started when we wen to our car and the attendant asked her if I were in the show (must have been a drag show)?

She then started to have second thoughts about me going to the show with her at our hotel (Bellagio) the next night as Steffie. However, we had already scheduled a makeover for me the next day (in order to go to the show and come close to passing) and we had a deposit that was non-refundable. I said to her that during most of the next day I would be my male self (originally she was going to let me be Steffie all day). I would then go to the makeover place in male mode (by myself) have the makeover and from there join her at the evening show.

I had the makeover by a girl named Amy (Glamor Boutique). I was pleased with the job she did and I decided I wanted to have photos to capture this. I also tried to note everything she did as best as I could. The pics she took I posted here in the photo gallery.

I was so excited that I wanted to show my wife the "new" Steffie. I met her back at our room before the show. I thought for sure she'd like it. However, when I asked how I looked she said it was alright (for her that isn't good). Then after some prodding, she said I looked like a drag queen. That made me very sad and my heart sunk a little. I wanted so much for her to like me. Then she said should we go to the show separately even though we had the same seats. I agreed. I went there first and then later she came in and sat next to me. She then said hello to me like she met me for the first time ever. That also made me feel very bad.

After the show she said in the future if I ever dress, she'd rather it be where I'm not around her. She originally thought that being far away from home would not bother her (if she saw people stare) but she said she just couldn't get past that. I said I would agree to that but I still want her and me to share the same hotel room. She agreed.

Thus she at least will go places with me as my male self but if I want to be Steffie, I shouldn't be around her. I am grateful that she lets me crossdress and I'm not greedy. However, I think the thing that hurt the most was when she said I looked like a drag queen. I kept a lot inside but did tell a couple of CDing friends via e-mail. I later decided to also post this on a couple of forums though, including this one.

Despite the setbacks, I overall had a good experience and definitely want to go again. At least my wife said she would also go again with me. We compromised too: We agreed we'd take 2 vacations every year. In one, I would get to choose the place and I could be Steffie for as long or as short as I wanted. The other vacation would be with me just as male with her but she would choose the place. I said fine as long as it had things that I could do as male (like fishing, swimming, outdoor activities, etc.)

The take-home lesson is that even with accepting wives, there is always give and take and the lines of communication must always be open. There will always be setbacks but you've got to be tenacious and keep at it to make it work. Thanks for reading my post.

Steffie

[Virginia]

Hi Steffie,
"What goes on in Vegas, stays in Vegas!" Well, hon, you got to bring some of it back with you!!!!
You are so right, keep the lines of communications open. I am glad your wife is still accepting of you, just don't push it as you know. The comprimise of the two vacations is an interesting comprimise, I hope it works out for you.
The employees in all the hotels are taught to be polite and nice to all the customers but they can be sly about it too. You did good! As for the jerk on the street, you did good to just keep walking like any lady would!!!
Staying at the Belligio huh! That's pretty upscale, a lot of GG's would put up with a lot just to get to stay there. Hope your wife had a good time too!
It seems that the two of you may have further solidified your relationship during the trip and that is a good thing!
My only comment and we all know there is not accounting for taste, but you look good in the darker hair, but it is a bit long, I think!!! Long hair like that does tend to draw a lot of attention almost like a mini-skirt or 6" heels or a set of DDD's. Just this girl's opinion!
Keep the faith, girlfriend and I am glad you let Steffie have a good time.
Virginia

[Anita]

Hi Steffie--
Overall, a good trip I'd say. I have a CD friend who trades off with her wife about where they'll spend vacations, too. It seems to work for them.

I know what you mean about getting preoccupied, and the walk goes out the window! The waitress handled that situation very well, and yes, it is nice to be called pretty sometimes.

This time I got a long hair wig (which I wore in the pics taken).

I like the look of those pictures--was that the makeover day? I have to agree about long, black-haired wigs--they're not so good for everyday wear. Yet you look good, there.

I wear mine in my act, where I don't need to pass at all. It's a very showy look, and I love the glamour of it. A consignment shop owner I know told me: "Hon, I couldn't pass in that wig!"

So...you will stand out.

Walking back to Hilton though (it was a bit windy), to meet my wife, I passed some guy and he said hello and I waved and the the next thing he is saying: "I know you're a sir!" My male instincts told me to turn around and say to him: "Yea but I'm still twice the man you are." However, I just kept walking and said nothing.

Good judgment, Steffie. You've got to pick your battles, and not all of them are worth it. Occasionally I get a comment like that. They want to make sure I know they're not fooled. I'm glad that this is a minority view.

I feel for you in wanting approval for your look. We can't expect people to like it the way we do, but it's hard not to put that on them! My brother had one of the worst reactions I ever saw when I walked in--he couldn't hide it. Maybe it because I was a "new" girl at the time, and had a lot to learn, but it hurt. Him being gay, I expected a little more flexibility from him, but gay men do not necessarily feel comfortable with men who not only act femme but dress that way also. It's not all one big happy family under the GLBT umbrella.

Your wife is doing the best she can with this, and she's letting you know as she goes along, what she feels. I hope the two of you can continue to do whatever's best for the big picture.

[Absaroka]

Hi Steffie,

It sounds like you got to do a bunch of fun things at least on the vacation. And I'm glad to hear that you and your wife were able to listen and communicate with each other. There are many times when my wife and I can't even agree on where to go on a vacation. Which means that about half the time we go with each other and the other half we take separate vacations which has turned out to be a pretty good solution for us.

Absaroka

[DonnaT]

Glad you were able to get out and be and experience being Steffie for a little bit.

I believe I know how you felt with respect to your wife's comments/actions. My wife couldn't handle us getting dressed simultaneously, and when she finished she told me she'd be waiting in the car. Which meant she didn't want to be seen with me in the hotel. At the show we went to she wouldn't even talk to me.

We've tried being together at other places, such as a club in Richmond, and she finally admitted she just wasn't comfortable with it. So now I go alone, albeit rarely.

Have you considered talking to her about going to one of the TG events, such as SCC, where there will be a pretty good group of TGs and SOs?

[Stephanie W]

Steffie

Thanks for sharing your Vegas Vacation with us. I'm glad you got to enjoy Steffie with your wife if only for a short while. I think you can take this trip as a reasonably positive experience as it could have been far worse. (i.e. no ultimatums that she doesn't want to go out with you again dressed). I think it will take some time before she is more comfortable around Steffie and that's the reality that you have to work with. The good thing is that you are in a place that many CD's can only dream of so never lose sight of that. All credit to you wife for trying and better luck next time.

Don't fret about the drag queen comment, she may have just been trying to validate her fears about going out with you. Try suggesting 'she' help you with your makeup next time and let her pick a 'look' for you.

One small comment that did concern me a little was when you said: "Thus she at least will go places with me as my male self but if I want to be Steffie, I shouldn't be around her". Agreeing to 'at least go places with you as your male self" shouldn't even be something she has to think about, wouldn't you agree? Hopefully it's not an indicator of other issues.

Lastly, what you said about the lines of communication - SO TRUE. Keep them open and here's to progress!

Stephanie

[Steffie]

Hi Stephanie,

I don't think I worded that line very well. She always wants to be with her husband; that's not an issue. I just meant that if I want to later be Steffie, she would be more comfortable if I am at a distance (out of sight). She has periodic concerns about "loosinG her husband" but I have reassured her that her husband will always be here. He's not going anywhere. The husband sometimes becomes Steffie, not the other way around.

Steffie