Looking for any advice/experiences on telling a child

[Allena]

I hope I don't get into too much trouble posting a similar request in different places. I'm really trying to make sure I reach everyone I can, and I'm not sure how many people check all the forums.
If I err, please let me know and I'll get rid of whatever I have to.

OKAY, that being said,
I am in search of information to help my wife and I decide when the proper time to tell our 10y.o. daughter would be.
Our girl is stable, appropriately mature, and happy for a 10 y.o.
She has been an integral part of our family life since day one. Meaning, we have been generally open about family issues with her except for certain ones.
She knows we went to marriage counseling, why we went, and has heard us talk openly about the issue.
Basically, we tend not to hide most things from her.

Except my crossdressing.
I want to tell her while she is young. The very few accounts I have seen, seem to show that a child finding out in the teen years or later can have some pretty heavy problems dealing with it.
My hope is that as a young child, she can see that her father is no different than he always has been even though he likes to put on a skirt or dress sometimes.

I am not proposing I dress infront of her. I would limit her knowledge to a few, basic facts (I would not tell her I where a bra with fake breasts sometimes, for example).
BUT,
I realize that I would also be asking her not to tell anyone about it.

We have talked about people crossdressing in the context of having seen the issue brought up in movies, out in public, etc.
I have mentioned that I plan on making a kilt (something akin to a UTILIKILT), and wearing it on certain occasions.
She knows I have shaved my legs.
She knows that I tend to do a few "oddball" type things every now-and-then, and doesn't seem to be too embarassed or over-wrought by any of them.

My wife thinks our daughter is too young to know. She feels that this issue would confuse our girl. I think she means about sexual identity and other related issues.
We both agree not to do anything about it until we find out more.

I am looking for personal experiences, professional research/opinions, etc. to help us understand the issue better.
I'll be reading any old posts on this website, as well as searching out the Internet for more.
I am also planning on contacting authors, doctors, researchers who may have connection with this particular issue or related ones.
I was thinking that parents who are homosexual (Gay & Lesbian) and have come out to their child may have some relavence also.
Although that issue is defenitely sexually oriented.

I welcome all answers to my questions.
Thank you very much.

[Kyra]

Hey Allen,
We have two children. My Daughter is 12, and my son is 10. Amber and I have decided not to tell them right now. We are raising our children to be very open and accepting of all people. We are slowly educating them on alternative lifestyles and even some basic TV/CD stuff, but with one child entering adolescence and the other getting close, we decided to wait on telling them of Kyra. Puberty will be enough of a strain on them; to add the burden of CDing might be too much.
That being said, we have also decided not to lie to them. If questions are asked, we give straight honest answers.

This is not an easy task!

There is no way one can ever be totally prepared to raise children. They learn, and I learn.
And yes, they (both) are already asking questions about sex!

So that's our course of action. We don't have a definite time of when we will tell them. Amber wants to wait until they're married!
I think that we need to wait until they're more stable emotionally. Maybe 16 or 17. (We'll just have to wait and see...each of our children are different.)

Hope all goes well with your decision. Good Luck!

Hugs,
Kyra

[Beauty]

Hi,

Since I'm not a parent I don't know the answer to this, but I can tell you this is a VERY important thread.

Thanks for your input Kyra. Your wife's seems very sound.

This should be interesting.

Beauty

[Allena]

Well, I seem to have opened a can of worms with this post in another area.
I've been limited to the amount of time I can be on here because of computer problems and family commitments.
Thank you for the posts.
I will read everything folks post for me, as well as what I'm finding out in other places.
My wife and I will talk about this a good deal before deciding on a course of action other than waiting.

My daughter already has expressed acceptance of people who are different in many aspects from her or her parents.
We, too, have tried to keep her knowledge and experience with people as broad and accepting as possible. Partly through education, partly through example.

[Beauty]

Hi Allen,

I'm going to lock this thread and put a link to the one request.

http://crossdressers-haven.com/forums/v ... 0353#10353

Kyra's contribution is too great to lose, so I won't nuke the thread.

Beauty