wrote my wife a apology

WendyC · Post by **WendyC** » Sat Aug 01, 2009 10:27 pm

Tonight i wrote my wife a apology for the times my nails grew out too far and my wearing toe nail polish out in the open. She blasted me good the other night even spoke of leaving. she known about my dresing for a few years now. this is how I wrote it, yes we talk about my dressed through emails. I wanted members here to let me know if the words i wrote seem to address things in the best light here it is--

I wanted to apologize to you for the polish and nails. I love you more than words can say. Yes Im husband but im also your friend. Im truly sorry i hurt you but i never intended that. Ive been in conflict for so many years about what my heart and mind tell me I am and what I am biologically. i am not confused about who I truly am nor what my heart tells me my given name should be, but at the same time I plan to be the best husband I can be for you because Your my pooh , my love, my all, my best friend , mother of our beautiful boy. I know you didnt know that you married a tranny before but this tranny loves you and is the same person you feel in love with all those years ago. The same heart you fell in love with is sitting downstairs on this computer pouring her heart out to you. I dream every night of the chance to just sit with you and talk , even for a few minutes while dressed as my insides dictate, to show you that there is nothing to be wierded out about and that although my femine expression is clear , its my total being that is madly in love with you. I no longer hate myself and Im finally on a road to self acceptance, and I want the support and acceptance of my best friend-- my pooh

Michelle Miller · Post by **Michelle Miller** » Sun Aug 02, 2009 8:29 am

Sounds good, keep us updated on her response.

Of course, it could have been worse, coming from the wrong angle...

"Listen *expletive deleted*. This is how it's gonna *expletive deleted* be. You've got about three *expletive deleted* seconds to *expletive deleted* *expletive deleted* accept this or I'm gonna *expletive deleted**expletive deleted* you into thinking this is *expletive deleted* right, and it's my *expletive deleted* way or the *expletive deleted* highway, *expletive deleted*.

CharLee · Post by **CharLee** » Sun Aug 02, 2009 10:01 am

My dear Wendy,
Although your letter to your wife was an attempt to smooth out some rough spots you are having, I feel that you, like a lot of us here have done, have come at this issue from your point of view only.

If I can offer you some advice as was given to me by some of the girls in here, you need to have a " sit down " talk with her and have a heart to heart discussion laying all your cards out on the table. Hold nothing back from her about your need and desire to dress. Do not hold anything back out of fear of embarassment or shame.

Then listen, and I do mean LISTEN, to her concerns and fears. She might be feeling betrayed, challenged ( her femininity and her desirability to you ), hurt and embarassed and loss of her husband.

Discuss all aspects of your wants and needs and hers as well and then try to come to a compromise that you both are comfortable with and can live with. But whatever you do, always keep the lines of communication between the two of you open and honest.

Hoping all works out well for the both of you.

CharLee

WendyC · Post by **WendyC** » Sun Aug 02, 2009 6:09 pm

Thanks Charlee for the god ideas. The only problem with a "sit down" is that she wont dont it at this point Things are definitel better since i sent it to her the other day. The next morning I woke up to breakfast waiting for me and lots of hugs and kisses. I know never to push her buttons again even though at the time that though never crossed my mind. I guess it was the "pink fog " thing. I very much hope that someday she will sit with me and have the conversation your talking about Charlee,but i think it will be from her starting. Im far too scared at this poit to rock anything. I know also that I should feel lucky that she lets me dress one night a week and allows me to attend a monthly support group. --Wendy

Elizabeth · Post by **Elizabeth** » Mon Aug 03, 2009 9:51 am

Hi Wendy,

I noticed you identified yourself as a "tranny". I assume that means you identify as a transsexual. If that is not the case please let me know because I remember when I thought crossdressers and transsexuals were the same thing. I didn't realize that there were men who dressed in women's clothes who did not want to be a woman.

This is an important distinction because if you are truly transsexual, I don't understand why you would apologize for dressing as a woman. For transsexuals there really is no "middle ground". One can not compromise being a transsexual. If she does not accept that as a woman you wear nail polish and may have them done, your only choice is to try to hide who you are.

I don't see how that can work. The hardest part about being transsexual is accepting it. One can no longer make excuses or apologies for being who they are. It's like saying one is sorry for having blue eyes and one hopes no one is offended.

Now, there is nothing wrong with saying "hey, sorry you are feeling bad", or "I know this is hard to understand". I don't object to acknowledging your SO's feelings and being sorry that she is upset. And of course I don't object to apologizing for things that one has said. But we can't apologize for being who and what we are.

Love always,
Elizabeth

WendyC · Post by **WendyC** » Mon Aug 03, 2009 9:40 pm

Thanks Elizabeth for the words. To tell you the truth Ive always been confused about just what I am. I dress when she lets me--once a week-- but I would dress 24/7 if I could. My mind and heart tell me Im a woman but at the same time I have been socialized to be male. I feel like I need to fullfill her need to have her man but at the same time I wish I could unzip this body. I avoid looking at mirrors unless im dressed. I feel like Im in a trap of sorts but at the same time I love her and my son and live in constant fear that she will someday leave with him. --Wendy