unfair?

[Absaroka]

Another thread got me thinking......

As we so often say here, our clothing choices are part of what we are, and trying to repress them is difficult. Having that imposed by us on others is even more difficult.

It's the first winter storm of the northeast here today. A couple of inches of snow, followed by hard rain and strong winds. A miserably beautiful day.

My daughter loves her clothes. She devotes a lot of thought to them, pays for most of them out of her own money. Today she tried to dress for the weather, which was snow when she got up. Nice boots, warm leggings, and a short skirt over the leggings. By time it was time to catch the school bus the snow was 2 inches of slush and the falling snow was cold windy hard rain. She made the comment that her boots would be ruined and I said she should wear her rain boots. She said they didn't go with the ensemble and that changing would make her late for the bus. I wound up driving her to the bus stop, where all the other kids had walked in their jeans and had rain coats or umbrellas. I felt very embarrassed for her.

So here's the thing. We can start with people need to know how to dress for the weather. It will just get more important when she starts to drive-car's break down and get stuck. But that's not the real issue.

I get upset with how preoccupied she gets with her clothes. How so much of her hard earned money and her allowance goes to clothes. How concerned she is about her appearance. There are some real issues here, like a lot of teenage girls she flirts with anorexia and experiments with bulemia. But leaving that aside.......

I buy my guy clothes at Walmart and my femme clothes at Goodwill except for a bit of lingerie. I try pretty hard not to get caught up in the materialism of expensive clothing. I'd like her to see through the whole facade of the fashion industry that preys upon women, and teenage girls in particular. But at what point am I becoming unfair? My clothing is part of my identity, even if my dresses and lingerie are part of a secret identity. Why is it difficult for me to accept that my daughter's clothes are part of her identity. After all a teenage girl wasting her money on clothing and not always dressing appropriately for the weather is no more dysfunctional than me wearing clothes that I would not want my daughter to see me wearing at all.

Thoughts anyone, GGs especially?

Zari

[MsJoann]

Although I save the lingerie, skirts and dresses for outings with other CD/TG's, on a snowy, crappy day like today, I wear women's jeans, cable knit sewater. I'm still fortunate to be self employed and I wear feminine attire daily. I try to keep it toned down regarding colors and prints, etc.
My teenage daughter is definitely a clothes-horse. She usually wears jeans and sneakers. For some reason, she feels to not identify herself with the use of clothing. Last year she chose the path of anorexia, luckily I intervened. I think that sickness was a way of establishing an identity. Go figure.
On other hand....my GF dressed as a plain-jane...after her seeing me wearing women's clothing......now every weekend she shows up with one or two new outfits! Go figure again!!!

[DonnaT]

But at what point am I becoming unfair?

It's not unfair to want her to think differently.

That's what dad do, sometimes.

It would be unfair to try and control what she wears. Aside from the obvious inappropriate items, of course.

It's her money and her identity. If she makes a mistake, no "I told you so", just be there for support.

My daughter would adore a nice item of clothing, until she was told it was from Kmart or Walmart.

You might try some online or in-the-shop comparisons. Point out how an article of clothing from the Gap can be found at Old Navy, for example, and for much less.

You might mention that if she spent less on one article, she'd have more left to spend on another item.

[Jodie Wexler]

In the grand scheme of life, a teen spending her money on clothing is not such a big deal.

There are much worse things girls and boys can get into these days. I know I have a teen myself. Luckily she is pretty good but she does have
her days.

Jodie

[DanteCarrie (FTM)]

hhmm clothes can be important. Its good to wear stuff that makes us comfortable in our own skin however the typical teenage girl clothes range has nothing to do with that.

its nothing to do with their identity its to do with the fact that they are insecure, materialistic and have been brain washed by society and media to think that these sorts of fashions look good and it matters ALOT and they will be inattractive otherwise. If they get obssessed with it it makes them conceited and dense to be fair. They are the kind of people who then judge others for wearing what is outside the expected ;good' fashion perameters.

I do agree that really cheap clothes are usually boring mass produced pap alot of the time that breaks easy. it alot of places you get what you pay for. I'm not a huge fan of plain but lately all women's 'sexy' girly clothes look the same and the difference in price makes no difference in appearance they still all look the same. having an interest in types of fashion is fine and natural. we all hvae a 'look' or preference but there is something quite false and irritating about someone who is obsessed and has their head on their ensemble not the weather. speaking of which I'm bloody freezing and need jumpers that aren't total rubbish.
I think its wise to guide your daughter away from that stereotype of the shallow teenage girl and get her to think more deeply and about things like why she feels the need to dress that way.