Just trying to objectify a situation

[Miss Emma]

I am 18 going on 19, and also a CD/TG individual. Anywho, as I lurk among these pages, I hear all about people still in the closet about their cross-dressing, and I wonder, why did I ever come out? What was it about my situation that made it so painless?

First though, let me shed some light. I grew up in a smal town filled primarily with retirees. I come from a conservative family with a father who put a lot of pressure on me to excel as a man. despite all of this, however, I still came out, and for the life of me, I can't explain why. Granted, it only started with one friend, but by the end of that year, I had become open about it.

So what is it that made it so simple for me, when most people seem to have a real problem with it?

(Hmm...Thus far, I have some how missed my point almost completely.)

Anyways, I was wondering if it has nothing to do with me, but instead, my age and/or the times we live in today. Granted, I haven't done any research on this, but I am pretty sure that the prevalence of people leaving their respective closets has been increasing.

Or perhaps it is just me. I have always been a "black sheep" in my family, and maybe that just made it easier to come out. Perhaps my lack of regard for family and my lack of close friends removed some sort of internal locking mechanism. I dunno. I have always been eccentric, even in my early childhood, so maybe it was just a natural step for me.

What I think I'm trying to get across is this: Do any of you think that the ability to come out can be applied at all to a nature vs. nurture scenario? Did my very nature make it a simple process for me, or was the universe working in my favor?

[DonnaT]

One of those questions no one can really answer but you.

We all have our individual characteristics that can make us shy or open, etc., yet we all live in different locations that can sometimes influence how we apply those characteristics.

But I would venture a guess and say it was a combination of nature, nurture and the times you live in, what with the Internet and all (assuming the Internet helped you accept yourself for who you are and let you know you weren't alone).

[CJ]

Hi all,

You stand on the shoulders of giants, Emma. The times we live in have much to do with it; the last twenty or thirty years have seen a remarkable sea change in the very definitions of masculinity and femininity. I think that during the 80s--the "Glam Decade"--a shift occured where gender playfulness spilled over from the entertainment industry "closet" into society at large.

Being a gender non-conformist is not nearly as controversial now as it was in, say, 1961. The drag queens led the Stonewall riots in the late 60s, on the tails of the Black Civil Rights movement; at about the same time, women started burning their bras as anti-establishment sentiments ran rampant in opposition to the Vietnam War. Then came the glitterati clubkidz of the Disco era. Then, in quick succession, Madonna, Boy George, and assorted pretty boys in makeup making lots of synth noise. RuPaul, too, stood on the shoulders of giants, in his heyday several years later.

All this to say, Emma, I'd venture a guess that many members on this forum never had the benefit of standing on such shoulders while growing up and entering adulthood. Gays and lesbians today think very little about holding hands or otherwise being affectionate in public (or, at the very least, about being "out") just because there are those who have risked much "exposing" themselves in the recent past, thus giving society at large a chance to get used to the "gay fact." The same thing will eventually happen--in fact, by most accounts, IS happening--with respect to the "transgender fact."

My prediction, Emma, is that you will be an adult in a world that won't much care how you choose to express your (trans)gender identity, as long as you fulfill whatever other minimal social obligations expected of any of us irrespective of creed, ethnic origin, sexual orientation, economic background, or anatomical birth sex. In my opinion, that world cannot come too soon.

Personally, I'm thrilled you're out. In my eyes, that makes you--at the tender age of nineteen--a giant, too. Some day, some Other will not even have to think twice about just being whatever gender she feels herself to be, and that Other will be standing on your shoulders, Emma. You ought to be damned proud of yourself!

Love,
CJ

[Karen]

I think that I have to agree with Donna. Its very much a part of
who you are, the internet (and the tons of information available)
so that so many people can become easily informed on virtually
anything including CDing and last of all but not least, because of
who you are.....groing up in this newer generation seems to be
more accepting. I hope so for the sakes of all of you younger
people who are going to be CD'ers now and in the future.

Years ago, all of the boys were in "boy mode" which meant that
you "hated queers" whether you did or not because you were afraid
that you would be labeled as a "queer" I hope and pray that these
"OLD" traditions have, to a LARGE extent, are gone.

[Bernice]

You've already gotten a lot of good perspectives. However, I think your age may have something to do with it, and the dynamics of your family also. People your age tend to be risk-takers. They either don't see the risks or they see the balance of risk/benefit differently. Maybe when you are young, you figure you will have time to heal if something bad happens, and maybe that's true.

For example, when I was 16, I touched an un-restrained (wild) alligator on it's nose. I wouldn't do that today!

As for nurture, I think I was firmly driven into the closet by a very un-supportive parent. Even now, where acceptance of gays is generally much better than 30 years ago, I still sense that crossdressers are not at all understood or accepted. I'm sure many bigots feel it is better to be homosexual than to be a CDr. Some CDrs probably feel it is safer to be a homosexual than to be a CDr.

Anyway, at age 56, I envy you, and I'm happy for you. Lead on!

Hugs,

Bernice

[Kyra]

Hi Emma,
Why did you come out? I don't know, but I can say I'm glad you did. Accepting who you are is a primary ingredient for a happy and successful life.

Why was it so painless for you? Well, every situation is different. You might consider, as CJ stated, the road has been paved for us (more or less) by others who were brave enough to 'come out' when it literally could have meant certain death. Timing certainly plays a part, but it's not the only factor. Let's also consider your family and friends. While we can't choose our family members, we are able to choose how we interact with them. If love is abundant in your house, barriers can be broken, fences can be mended, and life (in general) can be quite enjoyable. If your friends know and stand by you, that's a testament to your character.

"You've chosen well, grasshopper."

It's admirable to show such courage at your age. I wish I was so brave way back when...

Kudos to you, Emma, for walking proud.

Hugs,
Kyra