Grappling with 2 issues right now

[Lorna]

After the past few weeks I am now starting to come to terms with the fact that I am no longer a spring chicken. And frankly, it scares me.

Not only as a CD, but also just in general. I do not own a house, I have never been married, and things are really NOT looking too bright for me careerwise where I stand right now. And I just do NOT have the resources to go back to school to learn a new trade.

Years will pass. Suddenly one is not as young or as cute or as desirable as a few years back. Father time takes his toll, adding pounds, wrinkles, facial lines and such... GGs bodyparts will begin to droop...CDing males develop lines along the face, emphasizing masculine features more prominently, making it harder to cover up facial flaws & whatnot. The aging factor starts to eat away at my confidence as a CD.

The second thing is that as the years pass I still have not establised myself careerwise. I am just bout 32 years old. I know that most of you will smirk and say "OMG, what is your problem? You're so young!" But just stop and think for a moment: to those of you who are older, when you were 32, did you not already have wives & own your own homes? I am willing to bet that most of you did.

The bottom line is that by the time one is my age, he or she is well settled and accomplished, regardless of what personal issues he or she may be struggling with inside. At least one has the resources to so seek professional help to deal with such. I do not.

5 years ago I had health insurance & was taking vacations in Grand Cayman. Today I can barely afford a weekend road trip down the Jersey Shore.

I guess that this goes beyond CDing. As usual, when I am not feeling 100% I can't even handle something as simple as articulating myself properly. I doubt that I make any sense.

Getting old & still underachieved,

~ Lorna

[S. Lisa Smith]

Actually you have made perfect sense. You have taken the first step by identifying the problem. The next step is identifying your options. When I was considering changing jobs a friend recommended "What Color is Your Parachute" which is (was) a book for people who had been laid off, fired or were just thinking about changing jobs. http://search.barnesandnoble.com/bookse ... 4605&itm=1 It was very helpful.

[CJ]

Hi all,

Lorna,

At 42, I may be an exception:

Not settled;
Never married;
Finances a struggle;
Single right now;
Looks still holding (for now);
Health concerns up front;
Career? did you say career? (well, sort of);
Social life? (well, getting too old for this crap... maybe);
Still,

I'm thouroughly enjoying who I am and I keep focused on the positive.

Hope you're feeling a little better today, sweetie. :|

Love,
CJ

[Beauty]

Hi Lorna,

Have you ever thought about counseling so you can talk this stuff out with someone?

There's a lot of stuff you're dealing with. Therapists work on a sliding scale. Sometimes it'll only cost you $10.

We've been through a lot together online. I've seen quite a bit and so have you. I strongly suggest you talk to a counselor. It won't solve everything, but it will help.

You're smart, you have direction, but you can't see the positive future for yourself that I do. I think maybe a counselor will help you.

Beauty

[Celia]

Lorna,

I can kind of see where you're coming from--when I was in my early thirties I was going through a lot of the same things.

My current situation is largely the same as yours and CJ's: basically I'm not what people would consider to be established. I've never owned a home, never had a wife, never had any children; my "career" is unrewarding. Unlike you, I'm 42 (and, for what it's worth, the struggles resulting from my early-thirties crisis have long since ceased); unlike CJ, I'm not really enjoying who I am, and I'm having great difficulty focusing on the positive. :|

If your posts here and elsewhere are any indication, you have a fight and a fire within you that are fueled by hope. Don't lose this hope: if you do, you'll join me and those like me in the kind of afterlife for the living where you look forward to nothing more than pushing that boulder up the hill until the Fates are kind enough to let you sleep (assuming, that is, that you'd feel inclined to wait).

Yours,
Celia

[Josey]

Hi Lorna,

I can surely understand your feelings. You ask if by 32 most didn't have a home and a wife. Yes, I did, and a perfectly lousy marriage. It ended when I was around 42 (not for CD reasons). At that point, I no longer had a wife, or a house, and I was so miserably in debt I thought I would die. :evil:

It's now twenty years later. In that last twenty years, I had one of the best marriages I could imagine , I did own a couple of houses, I retired, and while I am not rich, I have enough to keep going for the rest of my life, provided our financial market doesn't go to pot.

My point is this. I was ten years older than you are when my life totally collapsed. At that point, I started over again. No one gets me confused with Bill Gates, but my life hasn't worked out too badly. There is no reason for yours to either.

[Lorna]

Thanks girls, I appreciate all of the input... I guess I was just growing tired of all my peers discussing their new homes, relationships, job promotions, and vacations...

Now this is going to sound very silly, but I am a firm believer in numerology. Years that end in 1 have always been fantastic years for me.
2001 - great year careerwise & relationshipwise (with the exception of 9/11).
1991 - great year! Vacation, great new school, new friends.

Years that end in 2 and 3 have always been trecherous.
2002 - I buried 3 friends, my mother had a stroke, my then g/f and I split up
2003 - Mom had a second stroke, I spent the bulk of the year out of work (almost had to go on welfare) but then did find a job but it is the job from HELL.
1992- I was being shunned by friends & family, grandmother was struck by a train
1993- grandma died after lingering for a year in a coma, continued betrayal by friends & family, a shooting in my evening college class

But in years that end in 4 things have always picked up.
1994 - everything I lost (job, relationships, etc) I managed to regain or replace. But most importantly I had my self-confidence back.

I'm not just sitting around waiting for something to happen. I'm submitting resumes every day in hopes to find a real job. I'm going to job fairs and also looking online. As for the other issue I am taking better care of myself. I eat healthier, rarely drink, and am weaning off of smoking. I want to lose at least 20 pounds by summer.

[Josey]

Hi again Lorna,

You made the comment:

I want to lose at least 20 pounds by summer.

You think you've got problems. I want to lose 80 pounds by summer and summer comes very early down here!

[CJ]

Hi all,

Lorna,

Lose the poundage if you must, but this girl thinks you look smashing!

Love,
CJ (who hopes 2004 will, indeed, be a good year for you)