Down Time Conflicted

[Ralitsa]

So tell me what catagory I'm in then: I'm a lady of no virtue, homeless but with a job, who spends all her time travelling around mostly utilizing planes, and looking to avoid work

Anne, we are all glad that we can be of help and encourage you in your search for answers, or at least for peace. That is really why we are all here. We are all searching, the same as you, and trying to come to terms with ourselves. I really like this site because everyone here is so much like me, just trying to figure it out and fit in as best they can, trying to get through life enjoying who they are and staying out of trouble.
I hate all the other CDing sites that are either trying to prove something, trying to sell something, or full of nasty pictures of body parts that I really don't want to see. I'm going to start a rant about that next.
I like what Gillian said:

All I have ever wanted was to be able to do my own thing and have society ignore me while I was doing it. I have no desire to change sexes or even pass as a woman, I just want to wear what I want when I want to. I do not expect others to understand it, as I am not sure I understand it either.

I guess I'm not really looking for understanding so much either, nor acceptance, just to be left alone. But I do like the sense of belonging here, the opportunity to talk about common interests, and knowing that if I'm admonished for wearing my dress too short it is only to keep me from embarrasing myself. I guess we all have our reasons for being here and for wanting to wear what we wear, and they don't have to be the same reasons but we all appreciate the difficulties the others are having. So I hope you continue to share all your concerns with us Anne, and I hope you find it helpful to talk about these things.

[Anne Bonny]

Thanks, it does help to search our souls and think all of this through. Somebody must have alot of money to keep this enormous site up on the web. I used to be on the Crossdressers discussion Forum which was very similar for several years before it closed and all of our combined thoughts were lost to the internet....

[Absaroka]

Ralitsa you are a wandering soul of alternative virtue. Perhaps the Buddha in disguise or something.

Zari

[April Rose]

Ralitsa, You travel all over the world as an open crossdresser, and you say you want to be left alone? Sorry, my dear; doesn't ring true. You are a borderline hero, and heroes don't get left alone. What I think you really mean is that you want to be respected, both in your personhood, and your privacy. You have a right to that, and with the courage you have shown, you have a right to our gratitude as well.

But it's not a perfect world, so how many hamburgers that's going to get you remains open to question.

Society is not going to ignore you. Those of us in relationships know, society ends at your skin.

[Ralitsa]

April, you are very right, and you caught me out. No I don't really exactly want to be left alone, you are correct that I want to be given the respect I think every person deserves. And that is to be allowed to make my own decisions and to live my own choices. Of course this always comes with consequences, and I'm perfectly willing to accept natural consequences, i.e. if one jumps off a tall building the consequence is going splat on the pavement. But the unnatural consequences, inappropriate behaviour by those who have no stake in the matter and efforts to compel compliance with some arbitrary code I do not accept. These I consider to be a direct affront to human dignity. And it's completely true that I intentionally challenge such things, which is not exactly safe, and that this is not consistent with wanting to be left alone. Except that it is consistent with my views on freedom and everything a lot of people died for. So it's better to say that I want freedom, instead of that I want to be left alone.

[Anne Bonny]

Being in our feminine spirit but not somehow dressing to express the spirit running within would not be dressed en femm as some call it, that includes lingerie or underdressing. Funny how it works and I am so lucky I am fairly free to go where the spirit leads me. Not making a reference to my faith - that's different then the spirit I am speaking of. I don't really know how best to put this in words, but it is like a spiritual wind within which may be masculine or feminine. I have decided dressing by the clock was a really dumb idea - but going with our inner flow when we can is more apporpriate. For me it is a caprecious thing which of late seems to be quite frequently and for hours at a time most days of the week, or when sleeping in comfortable feminine nighties though I slept male last night I grew up sleeping in a t shirt and my briefs as my father did.