I screwed up , now what

[Deejay]

I crossed boundaries that my wife and I
set together , now I'm afraid she will never
trust me again. I may have lost her and
my family. I'm just looking for some advise
about where to go from here.

[Ginny Jones]

Hi Deejay! Wow that's one hell of a post! When I read it I found myself struck by the enormity of your situation whilst having hardly any information to go on! Perhaps it would help if you were more specific since I can imagine others (like me) thinking - "Oh my God - how do you answer a post like that! "

Right now, I just want to wish you all the best and convey my heartfelt sympathy for the predicament that you find yourself in. Do remember that this is a process so hang in there! My suggestion is to pay close attention to your wifes concerns. At times of stress us guys often get into trying to provide our partners with solutions rather than validating / responding to their feelings. My thoughts are with you!

Hugs Ginny xx

[Anthony Simon]

I crossed boundaries that my wife and I
set together , now I'm afraid she will never
trust me again. I may have lost her and
my family. I'm just looking for some advise
about where to go from here.

Putting this together with what you wrote a week ago in your introductory thread:

Thanks for the welcome it's nice to find a place where you can be accepted for who you are , I just came out to my wife of 20 years , about a month ago. She is very accepting of this side of me , which is making it alot easier. We are not sure about her name Deejay yet we are both trying to get to know her better then decide on her name.

It seems you have made your mistake in the last week or so. Also your wife's first reaction to the CDing was accepting. So, like Ginny says, you're going to have to be more specific about what you did wrong.

The thing that occurs to me right now, however, is that there's a thing called the "pink fog" which regularly descends on CDs. Like one success (like acceptance by your wife) can lead a CD to become irrationally optimistic - kind of float off on the success and lose your judgement - and then do stuff that you later regret. Is that what caused you to cross the boundaries?

[Anita]

Hi DeeJay--
Our posts right now are sort of like tourniquets being applied to a big wound on the battlefield--we don't know the extent of the injury, and we're just trying to stop the blood flow. Be as calm as you can be right now, and that may be hard to do. The initial anguish and / or panic is often the worst, and I hope that's the case for you. Once the initial shock is past, then both of you can begin to figure out what you might want to do next. In those 20 years, I'm sure you've been through some other rough rides before this one. One step at a time.

[EmilyAnn]

Always.
Talk to her. Tell her you know you went past boundaries. Tell her you don't want to loose her and your family. Ask her what you can do.

Listen to her answer.

EmilyAnn

[Mikaela]

I am watching with interest and hope that we get more information so we can be more helpful.

In the meantime...you are in my thoughts.

[DonnaT]

What did you do to break that trust?