loving it

[Ralitsa]

This thread is to counter balance the self-loathing thread.

I love being a crossdresser. I like having the best of both worlds. I can wear pretty clothes whenever I want, I don't have to feel guilty about shopping, it's just such a sense of freedom.
I was going to contrast that with saying that I can also get dirty working, go shooting, and like camping and all the outdoor stuff too. But women already get to do all that anyway, so guys have no advantage there.
Maybe some guys feel that when women start encroaching on typically male activities they need to distinguish themselves by being even more macho. Well I take the opposite approach, if women don't want to wear the pretty dresses then I'll do it
A lot of the reason that I'm happy with myself is that I don't really try to BE a woman. I don't have the body of a hot 25 y.o. babe, so no point crying over that. But I think that with a little effort I can make myself look quite a bit nicer than usual, and it's fun to do that. I've had a few women tell me that I'm sexy, but none have ever told me that I'm convincing as a woman.
I'm not a woman trapped in a man's body, and I don't hate the body parts I have. I'm a man that admires beautiful women and I find it enjoyable to express that admiration by sometimes acting like them. Well that's not all, I really like wearing beautiful clothes also.
So since I refuse to conform to the male or the female stereotypes, I have the freedom to enjoy myself. OK, I understand that most people are not quite willing to tell the rest of the world to piss up a chain and miss every other link, and in many situations there would be serious finanacial penalties for doing it. I guess I'm lucky then that I can get away with it, but maybe I can make it easier for those coming along in the future.

[Karin]

Nice!

Good for you Ralitsa! You go girl! Despite me being the one that started the loathing thread, i do actually enjoy being me yanno?

I like this thread *smiling....

[MichaelaR]

Amen, Ralitsa. That pretty much sums it up for me as well. I'm not quite as confident or outspoken, but that may come in time. The most important thing is to be comfortable in your own skin, whatever you wrap it in.

[KimberlyS]

The most important thing is to be comfortable in your own skin, whatever you wrap it in.

Yea well put.

[Carol Ann]

You know Ralitsa, I could have not said it any better . I love being a women in dress but know I am still a male under it all.

[Anthony Simon]

My best memory along these lines is when I went to Wig Bazaar in Brixton (London). This might be the cheapest wig shop in the UK. Anyway I got 3 wigs there for just over £60.

For some reason I seemed to be rather conflicted when I was in the store and the woman there kept trying to gee me up and tell me it was alright to do this stuff. And at the end she said "Just look at that smile" (i.e the smile on my face) so that I would know how much I was loving the whole thing.

And, I do absolutely love getting into a wig. Like I can't go past a wig store without really wanting to go in.

On Carol Ann's point, I do in some periods when I'm dressed up feel I am a woman. And because I think I wish I was a woman, at least in part of me, then I love to feel like that.

[Ralitsa]

Thanks girls I love you all

[Emma-A]

Ralitsa, I don't know how I managed to overlook this thread for so long. Your original post was very moving for me, and feels very similar to how I feel.

However like most peoples stories it causes me mixed emotions. On the one hand I'm comforted in the knowledge that I'm not alone in the way I feel about myself and that you have found some contentment in who you are. But on the other hand it reminds me that I can't be free to be that way without upsetting my wife.

Luv,
Em

[Ralitsa]

Emma, the point is that you need to love yourself before you worry about what other people think.
I know that it is very painful to have ones marriage disintegrate, and to be told that it's all your fault and you are a horrible evil person. I pretty much went through that myself.
Well pain and suffering is just part of life and you need to put on your big girl panties and get on with it.
From your other posts I have the feeling that you are dissatisfied with yourself. Well OK, if there is something you want to change, then change it. But it you are happy with it, and somebody else is not, then the unhappiness lies with them and not you.
I really enjoy being a crossdresser. There are 1 or 2 people I know who can deal with that, and most cannot. But don't fall into the error of thinking that nobody will be your friend, and that it will be impossible to find a woman to love you if they know the truth. In reality, it is not impossible but only very difficult, and that is true anyway. There will be a miniscule number of people that will stand by you no matter what....... it's best to find out who those are early on and not waste effort on the rest.

[Anita]

I love being a crossdresser. I like having the best of both worlds. I can wear pretty clothes whenever I want, I don't have to feel guilty about shopping, it's just such a sense of freedom.

You wrote a really good opening post, Ralitsa--Bravo! It sums everything up in a really positive way.

maybe I can make it easier for those coming along in the future.

That is something that I hold on to, also. If I never go out the door again, I know I've helped clear the way for others to go out there and be themselves.

[Wendae]

At 71 I'm still confused.

[Emma-A]

Emma, the point is that you need to love yourself before you worry about what other people think.
I know that it is very painful to have ones marriage disintegrate, and to be told that it's all your fault and you are a horrible evil person. I pretty much went through that myself.
Well pain and suffering is just part of life and you need to put on your big girl panties and get on with it.
From your other posts I have the feeling that you are dissatisfied with yourself. Well OK, if there is something you want to change, then change it. But it you are happy with it, and somebody else is not, then the unhappiness lies with them and not you.
I really enjoy being a crossdresser. There are 1 or 2 people I know who can deal with that, and most cannot. But don't fall into the error of thinking that nobody will be your friend, and that it will be impossible to find a woman to love you if they know the truth. In reality, it is not impossible but only very difficult, and that is true anyway. There will be a miniscule number of people that will stand by you no matter what....... it's best to find out who those are early on and not waste effort on the rest.

Very true my dear - but despite my sudden breakdowns and outbursts of emotion, I'm actually fairly resilient. I bounce back pretty quick these days, because the little ups and big dips have been an eternal theme in our marriage, so I've learnt to cope but need to let it all out occasionally as you may have noticed!!

You mention that it appears I am dissatisfied with myself - I think you have perhaps seen something in me that I have not, so please feel free to say it. I know I have at least three close friends that will stand by me no matter what, and a few others that although not comfortable being around a fully dressed Emma will still be there to support me. Then of course there are my great friends online here who I know I can count on

Luv,
Em

[Ralitsa]

Well I don't know Emma, but you've made comments like "I'm a failure as a man", "no woman will ever love me"........... such things point to a dissatisfaction with oneself.
Satisfaction and success are in a large measure self-defined- if you think you are : then you are.

I hate to see you assign yourself a losing score based on your interpretation of what some typical woman should reasonable expect her ideal construct of the typical behavior of the average guy to be. (did you count how many qualifiers were in that sentence?)

Perhaps the person that you married some number of years ago has difficutly accepting your current interpretation of your current self? What then? A: the person strictly complies to the principle of "for better or worse, for richer or for poorer, in good time or in bad; or B: they don't and only really care about the current situation. In either case the answer is obvious.

[Emma-A]

Yes I see what you mean Ralitsa. I was being overly negative about myself. I don't currently feel like a failure - over the past few days I've managed to come to an acceptance of myself, and just accept that I've got to keep that part of my personality obscured from the wife. Maybe one day this situation will have to change, but to be honest I feel I am ready to face that now.

The meds have helped me a lot - whether its purely psychological or psycho-chemical I don't know, but I feel a lot better about myself and who I am now.

with love,
Em

PS: I lost count of the number of qualifiers in your sentence above :-)