a common mistake that women make is to try to get their guy to talk about stuff that is better left unsaid. Guys will likely tell you what you don't want to hear if you press them too hard. On the other hand, they are really, really good at saying nothing and just getting through the hard times on their own. He might be thinking and feeling a lot of stuff that you really don't want to know about, and he will get over it eventually by himself. In my own case, it is always a lot quicker for me to talk myself out of being irritated with an SO than for the SO to do it, they usually make it worse. You want to capitalize on this principle. Just tell him what you expect of him, what you demand of your spouse, the standards you will hold him to, and leave it at that.
On the other hand, don't nag him about it because that is just annoying.
Anyway, it's a good sign that he told you he's having some trouble and just needs to be left alone for now. That means he will deal with it and get over it. Just let him know that you love him and are committed to the relationship but you're not going to tolerate any nonsense and that you demand the same from him. It is absolutely correct that you should stick to your principles. He cannot have any respect for himself if you don't have enough respect for him to demand that he deliver on what he promised you.
I'm guessing that he needs your influence to get through this. It is a very delicate balance that not many women can achieve, but I rather suspect that you can do it.
Anyway, we are all hoping that you get to the solution. And of course we are always here when you just want to stop by and gripe for a while
