Are cd's made,,or born??

[Ralitsa]

I agree with you very much Elly that all people are some mix of supposedly male and female traits. And as we grow up we are supposed to get rid of the ones that other people think we shouldn't have. And that raises a whole host of other questions, about why some traits are supposed to belong to one gender or the other, and can't be expressed by the opposite. And why society thinks it can impose standards of behavior, and why we allow such standards to be imposed on us. There is probably an explanation in evolutionary biology.
But my argument is still that, rather than waiting for society to accept us, or bemoaning the illogical standards of other people, we should simply reject the premise that they get to say anything about it. I refuse to grant that this part of my behavior is up for discussion. If somebody thinks that they can give me a hard time about it, then I get to tell them everything I don't like about them. Most people don't want to get into that with me, because I have a long list
So I'm getting a little off track here, I'll come back to the topic. There is certainly a genetic component to our personality. But I think that throughout life we are constantly observing people around us and adopting the habits, mannerisms, traits, etc. of people we admire. Basically we emulate the things we like. But of course the reason that we do this goes back to evolutionary biology, the logic being that if these organisms have survived so long, we should be like them to increase our chance of survival. And apparently that logic has survived the evolutionary test as well. Survival is not such a overriding concern for our species anymore, so we get to experiment now. But it's a good thing to keep in mind, if civilization collapses. If we go back to living in caves, you will see me wearing a nicely cut black panther skin dress and alligator skin boots with 4" heels. Because what's the point of surviving if you don't have a nice dress to wear??

[Anne Bonny]

That's a good post - Why does society get to dictate who we are even when the shoe does not quite fit so to speak? If we look back in history there are many examples of bold people who refused to let society bang them into a certain shape hole, they were pioneers and today we seem women smoking, voting, wearing pants, doing "men's" work and we are now beginning to see more men wearing ear rings, doing "women's" work, but very few men openly wearing skirts and dresses with no one thinking twice about it. We have work to do.

[Elly (SO)]

We all have work to do... Look at how far LGBTQ has come? Of course, there's improvement on ALL fronts to be made... We're more evolved than debasing and devaluing others but somehow that's what happens day in and day out...
Blach I hate it!

[Anthony Simon]

Well, it could be a question of threat, the reason for day to day aggression. Like people might be threatened by, say, the evolving of gender roles past a certain point. They may fear that, at some point, it would no longer be possible for a man to think "I'm a heterosexual man, therefore I'm a superior being."

[Paula G]

and, Oh, what a sad day that would be.

[Wendae]

Anne Bonny I see from your posts that you are angry with the double standard of what women can wear and do. They can wear what ever they want with out comment. Be gay, be a fellatrix and no one really cares. It would seem it would be easier to be openly gay. Few seem to care any more. I feel your pain and frustration.

Back to the original question. Originally I thought it to be genetic because it's in my family. But I also believe that PTSD pushed me farther along after Vietnam. I no longer care why.



** Edited to combine successive posts, as per: http://crossdressers-haven.com/forums/v ... 31&t=10059" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false; - SL

[Anne Bonny]

No, I am not really angry about it, it is just a double standard. Society is very slowly beginning to realize we are out here, and change is coming but at glacial speed and that is frustrating. I have started to come out into the open about it more and that is very liberating because I have nothing to hide. I am also in a position of strength because I a independently solvent and can now tell anyone who does not like it to take a hike!

[Paulette]

Hi everyone. I feel as if I was born this way. Not gay.
But feel so secure as a woman. But wished body was same.
I do have feelings, that if I was a genetic girl, how a man would
Feel. But enjoy being with my wife as Donna. So confused.
I feel as I am doing wrong. But wife says all is ok. So lucky to
Have supportive SO. I guess I will have Remain recreational
Cd. Would have to find new job for cd to be permanent.
Feel so quilty that I am robbing wide[wife?] of husband. My feelings
Are so strong to cd that I can't suppress them. Truly believe
Yet bodily and by society there is the fight to be manly. Only
Wife knows of cd. Family does not, nor does daughter. Not sure
How that would be accepted. But yes, I feel born this way.
Always have wanted to cd. Thanks.

Go with what you feel. Even if it changes from day to day, what you feel at any moment is important. Just be very cautious about making or expecting any permanent change. People grow, and growth is change.

I've rambled in this forum about some of the many possible psychological and physical/genetic causes of cross dressing, but such causes are less important than what you feel in your heart. Even if you find your absolute sure reason for cross dressing, what you feel and which gender you identify with is the important thing. Even if you suspect it will change tomorrow, and regardless of what you think you should feel, what you actually feel right now is true and important for you! Go with it. See where that feeling takes you.

You're incredibly lucky to have found someone who loves and accepts you as you are -- as you are. Let her help you explore the feminine self that she loves in you and that calls so strongly to you. Find out who that is and how far it extends. She's given you permission. Now give yourself permission.

Can you take it public, to the rest of your family and friends? No way you can tell in advance. Just move slowly and be as gentle as you possibly can with everyone, as well as with yourself. Will it lead you to full-time dressing, in public as well as in private? Will it lead to transition in any of its several forms? No way to tell in advance, so again, be gentle with yourself. Talk to your partner about what you feel and how that feeling changes.

Of course all this is terribly self-indulgent and heavy duty navel-gazing. But that's all right, so long as you remember to focus on others too, and not on yourself alone. Above all, make sure that your partner gets her fair share of attention, love, and respect. Be her friend as well as her lover and her husband. Truly, be all that you can be.

So, is it genetic or is it psychological?

Spock's mother asks him "Art du Vulcan or art du Uman?" And the answer, of course, is both. And it's the same answer for all of us. Both the mind and the brain are quite plastic, and will adapt and conform to a wider range of perspective and being than any of us can imagine. This capacity for plasticity, for change is, I believe, a human characteristic that we long ago developed and is perhaps the most important aspect of homo sapiens. As individuals we can be almost anything at all -- certainly anything anyone else has been, male or female.

Putting on an aspect that you weren't born to is, in the greater scheme of things, no big deal. You do it every Halloween, every time you step on stage or apply for a job. Feeling comfortable in your skin while doing so is definitely a big deal. Work for that. Practice under expert guidance is the key to competence. Like playing a musical instrument, talent is much less important than guided long-term practice. (Malcolm Gladwell says it takes 7,000 hours to achieve excellence, even with a great teacher.) It's amazing how looking good as a woman can help you overcome feelings of guilt and shame. And the more natural you look and feel, the more easily you will be accepted by others.

Some believe that if recognized early enough (6 to 9 years of age), and if encouraged (never forced!) to see that it's really not an either-or dichotomy of choice, one can adapt to being comfortable with one's physical born sex and develop a comfortably matching gender persona. But for anyone reading this, that time has probably long passed. (There are critical periods of physical and mental development and growth. If you're not developmentally ready and in such a critical period, it's like trying to teach a pig to sing: it's frustrating for the teacher and it annoys the pig.)

All my life I've had periods of compulsive dressing followed by periods of revulsion and abstinence. I don't believe the urges of an adult or even teenager to cross dress, or their desire to be or live as a different gender, can be suppressed. Short of finding a completely accepting partner and/or achieving complete self-acceptance of oneself as a cross dresser, I suspect that only transition can ease those cycles. I'm lucky to have found such a partner, and so are you. I envy you the exploration and discovery, and wish you and your wife an exciting and fulfilling journey.

[Wendae]

Paulette

All my life I've had periods of compulsive dressing followed by periods of revulsion and abstinence. I don't believe the urges of an adult or even teenager to cross dress, or their desire to be or live as a different gender, can be suppressed.

Amen sister!

[April Rose]

My earliest memory of the urge toward women's clothing is also my earliest memory. I was tiny. This makes me think that there was something pre-natal, genetic or otherwise, that is involved here. At 62, I no longer harbor religious fantasies, so the only assumption I can make is that it is genetic or chemical.

[Noeleena]

Hi.

I would like to point out we are not female , at conception we are programed to be ether male or female & those of us intersexed as well. or other as the case may be,
there is at no time in the womb every one is female this belive is not correct it was because of what Dr's & others thought its not the case,

Another fact is we who are intersexed are not female or male at conception ether. as can be backed up by the scans now being taken that were not possibale before, & even some old xrays were not showing what was really there in the hours /days just after concetion in fact it was a few weeks after & they saw what was happening, so the myth of being female at the begining is incorrect now, so going back to conception we are at that moment its detrmined what we will be ,

There are exceptions of cause as to deformitys in both body & or mind plus at birth going through the birth canel or drugs or forcepts any number of details can happen then & after of cause,

in our makeup we all have the begining of what we will do. though there is room for movement to change our mind or have it changed by drugs , meds or other,

Now to being a crossdresser, how do you define that because if its about clothes then its a no brainer = say dresss's or skirts = men have worn therm for 100's of years in fact 1000's no big drama there or has been .

im a Scot my history is about the Kilt or english skirt, plus the Romans & long before them ,
did any one do a write up & say no way can men wear a skirt, so why is there a big deal comeing from western socity,

Its about money ,control, & fashon & who ever is the top boffin so , our island people did not have a issue both men & women wear skirts . & it was the english when they came over here & force ...thier ...dress code on our people, over 160 years ago.

So where does it change if its not about wearing a skirt or dress what is it .

its when men wont to emulate or be like women & have breasts & do makeup so they are seen as woman its then the voice the walk manerisms & so on. so when you think about this its not the clothes it becomes a very different mind set or mind change, so how far have we really come when all said & done,

I surpose the next ? is not so much as to are men born with the intent to dress , its about why does a man wont to be like a woman, what changes ,

Ill take it as most here are men & you think as men do as men & you see your selfs as men ,is it just the putting on of a dress or skirt would you be happy with just that, knowing what i know i dought it,

so its not about the skirt or dress is it, lets look at this detail .the deeper side to this,

You are all dressed up you know the full on clothes makeup shoes rings nail pol perfume hair & its time for photoe's your in the mood & its all go. your compleat, even how your thinking, all feminine, if you like,& youv spent some hour or two just getting ready.

Then this hits you, you are striped with nothing on a line up if you like no word nothing how do you feel about your self now whats going on in your mind .

Okay why iv done the post this way is to understand what makes you tick what makes you move ,
yes iv heard many 1000's of details & answer's to why, iv still not found the answer ,
most of the answer's is about i love wearing the clothe's or the feel of them against thier bodys or looking sexy yes i agree the clothes do feel nice though im not bothered what i wear,
As to the feel sexy well for me its not going to happen ever, yes i know im one weird female,

Any ways youll get to know me i spos , being different i see things a little different,

...noeleena...

[Christine.Lolita]

I believe CD/TG people are born.