Fantasy vs Reality

[KimberlyS]

Kara we all have and continue to struggle with loving ourself, self confidence and being comfortable with who we are. The world often makes it seem like a one size fits all and it does not. Each of us is different in who we are and what we want out of life. There are a lot of self help books out there that can help and also some good professionals, both which can help you along the path. Once you accept and love yourself life gets a lot better. Find your path and enjoy life.

[JennyLynn]

I think our "purpose" is to give and serve others and take it as a blessing all that we have. We don't need some grand purpose in life, just to be kind to others and be thankful for all that we have. It's that simple. The rest takes care of itself. I, once too, felt my life was a bit of a waste and then I realized one day that my existence is validated by being kind to others.

[Martine Amance]

To get back to your original post. Yes, I have often wondered what it might be like to be a "woman". I too am a large man. 6 foot one and over two hundred pounds. Perhaps I could be that svelte figure if I could reduce my weight to 150 pounds, but that is not going to happen in the near future. What would it be like to have "tits"? It might be very nice. One can only speculate on the pleasures. What would it be like to suffer from the "curse" or all that hormone swings? Now that I may wish to do without. I like wearing the clothing, the shoes, and so forth. I really do not know why but it does pleasure me and that is enough of an explanation. Do I wish to be a woman with all the genes in place? Well, it woukld be interesting if I could be one for a few months or a year. Beyond that, no. Here I am, wearing men's jeans while wearing knee high stockings and a pair of flats. Men's shoes are heavy, inflexible, and boring. I love these flats because my feet feel good in them. The stockings feel good against my skin and my feet don't sweat. Is this a compulsion? No. more like the utility of feeling, if you like. Yet we have those who feel they must constant dress "en femme". So be it, who am I to say they are wrong? This poses a problem with our wives. You see, there is the problem of perception. Wives may feel competition or they may feel humiliation. Or they could feel a sense of lesbianism in the relationship. What if your wife started to wear BVDs and masculine clothing? What if she wanted to feel more like a male? Would you fear the possible homosexual attitude? You see, behavior has consequences.

[Absaroka]

accepting who we are means accepting who we are in the present moment. For me it means accepting that I have a secret that many would find troubling.

2 people in f2f life know all about this, both people who are not really supposed to reveal confidences (therapist and 12th step sponsor) My wife knows some, doesn't seem to want to know more, and both the therapist and sponsor have said I should probably leave it at that.

As to my fantasies.................leaving aside the sex stuff that so many of us have (and which is nothing to be ashamed of) my fantasy of being a woodland sprite in my dress will always be a fantasy for this 60 year old muscular 6-2 man. That's just how it is, another fantasy, and the fact that I have this fantasy and that it will remain a fantasy is something to be accepted as part of my self acceptance.

As to what some guy on the bus thinks, it's none of my business. He is entitled to the privacy of his own thoughts. But I find it makes me a lot happier to avoid potentially unpleasant situations, so my dresses are worn at home alone and in the woods alone.

There is a person in my 12 step group who is very obviously a man in a dress. Part of my self acceptance was to be accepting of him.

It seems to me that the hating being a man may have been confused with hating the expectations there are of men. Most men I suspect don't like being called a typical man when it's a put down, and many men feel "less than" in terms of sports, physical prowess, and the all important fist fight at age 14. I suspect that at some point in their lives most men feel they are not tough enough similar to how most women at some point feel they aren't pretty enough. The beauty industry has done so much to encourage that thought......

So if you became a woman, would it mean simply changing the things you feel bad about? Now you wouldn't be pretty enough, or be a "typical woman" in arguments with your husband?