Give yourself permission to dress.

[Anne Bonny]

That's it. I suppose if you are thinking about it then you are really saying to yourself I would prefer feminine clothing, and with that make up and jewelry. To get to normal I have to stop agonizing and just do it. I am in my own home, and gender equality gives us the right. We may be the only transgender many will ever see up close, so in little ways we can be an ambassador to show people that there is no difference between us other than our clothing preferences really. Do not focus on gee does she see the outline of my bra, or my ladies watch if you are being kind of subtle just be yourself most people are not going to flip out about it. they may not even mention it as in this case, and may not have even noticed but I wouldn't know. All I know is our conversation carried on as it always does so if she did notice she did not act up set or raise the issue. I suppose if I were more bold I would have been wearing a dress but I am now so that's that.

This is an unrelated thought but I do believe transgender men, at least I know it is true in my case, signal in dressing that they are open to the idea of allowing a woman to take charge and be more in control while we are feeling willing to be taken along for the ride. This is not to say we would allow a woman to take advantage of us or not respect us but in feminine mode we expect to be treated with the same consideration and respect we would show to any woman we care about and love.

The difference for women is they do not signal anything by their clothing option because they are not transgender, so these feelings are not so easy to pick up, it is more a mood and sometimes they are feeling one way, sometimes more the other. As a woman may already be in a dress and feeling more aggressive we see that clothing bears no relation at all for them, it doesn't mean anything. If it does, their mood shifting overrides this in an instant...it's more complicated.

For us our other is signaled by our clothing choice...If we are feeling more aggressive and masculine and in charge a transgender man will be in masculine clothing. I bet that is true - we wear our femininity on our hem so to speak and our masculinity on our pant legs....

wonder if this is just pink fog talking but I really do believe it is true when I feel feminine enough to dress feminine I am definitely in a more passive mood and ready for my partner to treat me like a lady in every respect.

That we do this, back to being normal, it does not change anything else about us as any conversation carries on no matter how we happen to be dressed, we do not stop being who we are because we feel masculine or feminine. I think if people understood that they would not be so potentially up in arms about what we are wearing.

[Sandy]

I feel so passive when I am dressed up. Though I also enjoy being very passive with my partner as well and letting him take charge, in the past I was mostly the dominate partner with other guys but now I just don't have the desire to be that way and would rather be 100% submissive and I enjoy that and want to be that way. I used to think in the past that the person who was the bottom was always the weaker sex and what not but it has nothing to do with that, its just what you enjoy happening to yourself.

I have realized that you are right and that we need to give ourselves permission to dress because nobody else will. When I first got here and imagined dressing in public I got freaked out and said that would never happen, yet the more I think about doing it the more I really want to do it. I just have to say up for all the things that will make it possible and then just do it. I was hung up on the fear of what people would think but they don't know me and wont see me when I am not dressed and why should I worry about it. I am going to dress I am going to go to Denver and I am going to go to a big mall and just walk around and shop at womans stores and see how that goes.I think within a year I am going to do it and if it goes well I will do it even more and if it doesn't go well I wil do it again too, lol