Where is my Fem. Don't know what's happening.

[Lily]

Last fall was one of the best times in my life. My wife showed some acceptance to my CDing and even helped me put together a very cute Halloween costume. I started getting some help with makeup, picked out some new outfits and started looking for a nice wig. Over the winter I had several days when being myself in full fem were possible and I would even sit out on the back porch in my skirt, tights and a cute winter coat I had found and watch the birds feed while I sipped my wine. Then the snow started… and it wouldn’t stop. I slowly stopped taking time to get dressed. I grew a beard. ME! With a beard? I don’t know myself when I look in a mirror. I stopped even thinking about dressing every. I haven’t felt like that part of me inside for months. The snow is now gone and I’m feeling more and more myself. I’ve started looking at dresses in the shops and wishing I could fit in them again but I still haven’t shaved or gotten dressed. I’m hoping that feeling comes back again soon.

[Kelly]

I'm with you, Lily. It just went away for me. For the longest time I didn't even care. Started missing that part of life; but wanting it back didn't make it so. Even during the holidays, when I have usually wanted to dress up really badly, didn't happen in '14.

But I find myself visiting some shopping web sites again. Occasionally, I'll practice posture and walking in a store. Starting to recognize opportunities to dress up (still in the closet). Even took my time to paint up my nails last month; didn't make me smile, but I least I took the step. I think she is slowly waking up.

I guess what I am saying is that your experience isn't unique. Some of us go through this. Hang in there.

Kelly

[Lily]

Thank you.

[Anthony Simon]

My impression is it's a reaction of the male side of you to the sudden freedom given to your female side. Like it wants to reassert itself and that's why:

I grew a beard. ME! With a beard? I don’t know myself when I look in a mirror.

You've gone more to the female side than ever before and now you need to go more to the male side than ever before to balance out.

[DonnaT]

Not atypical for some CDs. And as usual, you're feeling it return.

I suggest starting with a clean shave

[Robyn]

I've never heard someone say "I use to be a cross dresser, but I'm not anymore".

Lily will be back when she's ready.

[DanielleM]

I too bounce back and forth. I will be so busy for a couple of weeks and not even think of dressing and then boom.. I will take time and dress everyday for at least part of the day. I don't go out dressed so just around the house. Just the way I am and maybe you too.

We have shopping to do today and SO wants to go to Kohls. Gives me a chance to pick something out. Yippee!